Sunday, December 27, 2009

"More Random"

Betrayed soul smiles ,
Ruined heart doesn't cry,
Eyes doesn't glitter,
Loneliness never matters,
Fear grew in dark,
Where there's no spark,
Havoc lies in hand,
Life's gonna be same,
Till the end..

12 comments:

Sankoobaba said...

"life's gona be the same..."

good one...

sulagna said...

oki i have a plan..i will send you one of my pics..can you write a poen on that too??

pleeassee

tristarfivestar said...

oh wow that was sooo short yet so meaningful...........
wow you could write poems on anything....
lucky!

Mads said...

short n dark this one was...
good..i liked :)

vidya said...

nice usage of words in this poem. Just one change you could make is 'ruined heart never cries' or ruined heart doesnt cry' - cos a lil grammer mistake in there..
But you are writing better day after day..thats great!

Thankyou for the award, its my first one, made me very happy!

Wish you a very happy 2010 in advance, where you pass all your exams in flying colours! cya

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

wow..another awesome piece choco XD haha..though I notice you always write sad or a lil emotional poems..are you upset or sad or something..? >.< kinda worried :3

anyway..thanks again for the award you have given me..its my first award :D

Sunakshi said...

what is wrong with ya sweets?why sad note?apart from that,really good xD o.O

Chocolate Lover said...

@ Sankoobaba
thank you! ^_^

@ Sulagna di
Never tried? but still i would

@ Tristarfvestar
thanks but Can I? O_o

@ Mads
thankies! ^_^

Chocolate Lover said...

@ Vidya
Thank you :)
and welcome and same to u LOL :P

@ Ayu
hmm.. I am worried too!
I don't know why do I write such poems!

@ Sunakshi di
Nothing happened :)
I am fine :D

Vittaldas Prabhu said...

Hey there,
A quick suggestion: Fear grew in dark - this line is sort of weakening the punch. I see that the poem is of a battered and bleeding heart. Such a heart has already faced the fear and there can be no more fear.

Just my take. Other than that I found the lines very strong and brings out the feelings of a broken heart very nicely. Truly touching.

Chocolate Lover said...

@ Vittaldas
Thanks!

TskTsk said...

Your poems describe my life as well.Its nice to know im not alone on feeling this way but i think death is the cure for it!My advice is fallow my footsteps and kill yo self