Love

You’re insane if you love someone more than they love you. 

You’re insane if you are looking for love at the wrong places.
You’re insane if someone loves you but you don’t appreciate it.
You’re insane if you can’t feel anyone’s love for you at all. 
You’re insane if you don’t love anyone at all. 
You’re insane if you think you can’t be loved.
You’re insane if you just love the idea of someone.
You’re insane if you can’t tell whether you really love someone or just the idea of them.
But it’s okay. Love makes us all insane.

If it makes you feel better..

If it makes you feel any better,

I'll keep myself from speaking of death,

and how my absence would make this place a better place.

I'll make myself smile during the long screwed up nights, 

just to keep myself sane.

I'll let my head sleep when it feels too tired to exist.

I'll let you be my happy pill that cures the sadness in me.

I'll stop painting my sleeves red.

I'll do it all, darling, if it makes you feel any better.

But just in case I failed,

I'd leave you a last note with tear and ink stains,

Just to tell you that I tried my best,

And hope you understand that this was never in my hands.

Scared

I'm scared of how happy I feel these days.

I'm scared how the feeling of being okay seems so new to me.

I'm scared to make new attachments.

I'm scared that it'll get bad again soon.

I'm just scared and it's absurd,

Because it's all I ever wanted,

And now when I finally seem to have it,

It's scaring me to death.

Why would you come back?

Why would you come back in her life after 
breaking her down into a thousand pieces?
Why would you want her back and tell her that you care,
if you've still kept the doors of your life shut?
Why would you do this?
She is unmendable and if you hurt her more now,
it will only burn her down to ashes;
And she will be carried away by the strong wind, 
leaving behind, no traces of her existence.
Is that what you want?
But why would you want that?
Why would you come back and hurt her again?

"How do I tell you.."

So, it's another bad night,
But you won't understand.
The absurd thoughts of day, 
Are finally making sense.

Words are more sincere, 
When my loved ones are asleep.
I wish I could explain the way my bones ache, 
A wish to end it all is running in my veins.

How do I tell you that I can't think of anything else?
How do I tell you that I'm so tired of being overwhelmed?
How do I tell you that I'm so tired and I want to sleep?
How do I tell you that I want to sleep but I don't want to wake up?
How do I tell you that I hate having to wake up and go through this again?
How do I tell you that I hate not being able to conceal the sadness of my face?

You wake up every morning because you have to.

It's just one of those nights, 

where you just want to break down. 

You're so tired of the falls and failures.

You want to talk but feel too exhausted to speak.

You just want to sleep and never wake up. 

Maybe sleeping for 365 days straight would help, 

getting over this feeling? 

When was the last time you shared, 

something really personal with someone you trust? 

You stand still while your relations get covered, 

by a layer of dust.

Maybe the reason why you didn't share, 

the recent bad experience with people is because, 

you're afraid that they'd leave you as well. 

Maybe you're just sick of seeing everyone leave. 

Quite perceptible that it kills you. 

The anger burns you.

And your fears paralyse you.

Yet, you wake up every morning because you have to.

It hurts

It hurts that you don't know.
It hurts that I've done it again,
And already falling for you every second.
It hurts that you like me
but you don't love me.
It hurts that you like my eyes and smile
but it's not something that makes you happy.
It hurts that I'm thinking about you so much 
these days and you have no idea about it.

Free

I want to be free.

In the most innocent yet wildest sense,

I want to be free.

I don't want to be bound,

By complicated relationships, absurd life goals, 

Or any haunting past memories,

That does nothing but makes me more insane,

With every passing second.

I want to be free.

Like the deep oceans and the cold night wind,

I want to be free.

I want to sing, dance and feel infinity.

And as crazy as it sounds,

I want to burn my body down,

And rise again from the ground.

I want to be free.

I want to break free from this skin;

Break free from the emptiness and numbness both at once;

Break free from the pain and depression,

That controlled my life for all these years.

I want to be free.

Free like a shooting star, 

Escaping the darkness of the night.

Free like a soaring kite, 

Playing hide and seek with the clouds in the sky.

Labyrinth of suffering

The night makes her vulnerable,

And the smile refuses to fool other people.

All of her broken pieces glued together start to fall apart,

And the paralyzing pain start to stab the heart.

The secrets get ready to spill out of her eyes,

As she starts to paste a story full of sweet lies.

Some nights, she laughs too much and then starts to cry.

The fears crawl up and she questions "why?"

She'd like to live but she'd also like die for sure;

Apparently, she's not sure of what she craves more.

As this absurd thought escapes the darkest corner of her mind,

She instantly goes blind.

People who believe that she's blessed,

Certainly have no idea that she's full of self hatred.

She's struggling between the thought of wanting, 

Someone to hold her and tell her that it's alright.

And the thought of putting an end to this labyrinth of suffering,

Right here tonight.

"Every night.."

Every night the sadness, 

Overpowers the sanity in her.

She lies paralyzed in the cold bed,

As the sadness carves out a void in her chest.

She says, "Things seem better when I'm not awake."

Someone hug her tight and prove her wrong for God's sake.

After all this time of,  
Wanting to be someone, 
Who mattered, 
Or someone who made, 
A difference in people's lives, 
I've come to the realization that,
I’m not important, 
I do not matter, 
I do not make any difference, 
In anyone's life.
I am not special.

Do you?

Do you smile or grimace,

when you see my name flashing, 

on your phone screen?

Do you think about me,

as much as I think about you,

when I wake up and fall back asleep?

Do you like my company,

or wish to be left alone,

when things start to fall apart?

Do you find me,

annoying or wonderful when,

I tell you about my day?

Do you miss me,

when we are not talking?

Do you wish we could be something, 
more than what we are now?
Do you wish we lived closer,
so we could know each better?

A voice is screaming in her head,

Struggling to break free, 

and get lost in the air.

It's once again, 

hard to figure out,

whether it's pain or fear.

Eyes are tired, 

of holding back the tears,

that've been trapped, 

with all the unhealthy emotions.

Overwhelmed by her own feelings,

She wishes to escape to a place,

and feel numb again.

Digging her nails,

into her own skin,

She's hoping for the physical pain, 

to overcome the emotional pain.

It's starting to get bad again,

She's falling into the darkest hole,

that's been created in her own head.

Not enough.

She is that wounded person,

who has been trying, 

to protect and fix, 

everything for everyone;

because she knows,

how it feels when everything,

falls apart.

But that's not enough.

She is being their warm, 

and safe duvet trying ,

to put everyone back to sleep; 

keeping them from, 

screaming in horror,

while the monsters of the night,

fill the room with,

chilled daunting aura.

But that's not enough.

She holds their hand when,

they decide to start all over again. 

But that's not enough. 

She has been taking, 

their cuts and scratches, 

and sucking up the poison, 

but that's not enough. 

Nothing she does is enough. 

Someone make her stop.

Life is too short to live for, 

someone who doesn't care.

She is running out strength. 

She is running out of hope.

She is running out of love. 

She is running out of air.

She can't do it anymore,

Someone do her a favor,

Give her back her smile,

and bring her back to her life.

I want to forget you.
Erase and white wash,
the darkest corner of my mind,
where you hide.

I want to stop,
writing verses that
follow the traces of
your existence.

I want the scars,
on my arms to fade soon,
so "our good times and bad times"
stop replaying itself,
over and over again.

I want to burn down,
the feelings I had for you,
when I was too foolish,
to think that you cared.

The page still remains blank

Trying to pen down the emotions,
but failing so undeniably.
Starting by capturing one thought,
and sugar coating it with ornamental words.

The page still remains blank.
The head still remains busy fighting, 
the unwanted thoughts.
Eyes get heavier and turn down,
the proposal to compose something beautiful.

Managed to scribble something like a line, 
which fall short to mean anything.
The words are scattered everywhere,
and I can't frame it together. 

The page still remains blank.
Words are sore from being used,
over and over again.
They have switched sides,
and have refused to divulge,
the premonition and apprehension.

After two hours, ten minutes, 
and twelve seconds later,
The page still remains blank.
Seems like it's time to give up the battle.

It's time to put down the pen,

and get up from the chair.

It's time to turn down the lights,

and lie on the cold matres.

It's time to close eyes and, 
let the dreams fill the void.

Anxiety

It's one of those nights 

where it all crumbles 

down to the ground. 

It starts from 
one corner of the mind 

and slowly makes it way 

to the heart.

It rumbles in the stomach 

and finally reaches

 to the tip of my toes. 

The anxiety mixes 

with the blood 

and runs in the veins. 

I feel cold 
in 35 degrees.
I feel filthy 
in my own skin

I can't help but think 

of all the wrongs 

I've done. 

I can't get up but 

lie like a corpse

in the pile of my own 

failures. 

I can't make it go away.
Is it okay to feel this way?
What's wrong with me?
Why is it all that I see?

Left like nothing ever existed

You told me that 
you'd help,
but you walked away.
You told me that 
you cared,
but you didn't even 
look my way.
You told me that 
you'd be there,
But you weren't.
You told me that 
you'd be a friend,
but abandoned.
You told me that 
you'd never leave
but you did.
You told me that 
you weren't the same
but you were.
You did everything 
that you told me,
you wouldn't do.
And you were everything 
that you told me,
you were not.

You lied,
You stole my secrets.
You made me believe 
That you were different
And left 
Like nothing 
Ever existed.

Love.

I  wonder  how                    it feels to love 
someone     and   to  be          loved by   them   back. 

I wonder how you can  love    someone so much that you
can't  imagine a second without  them. I wonder how love can 
make  someone  to give up  everything   for  that one person.

I wonder how  love can  make  this world a  beautiful place 
to    live. I   wonder how   just one   person  can make you 
feel    so wonderful       and   complete  when   you are 
with    them.   I   wonder         how  lovers  feel.  I 
wonder    if     I'd    able  to    love  someone

enough    to   feel    all  of      those 
things. I  wonder  if    I'll ever 
meet someone who will
  love  me that much 

and more.
-S.M.

Trust

Trust is a fragile thing.
Keep it all to yourself.
Don't say anything.
Don't trust anyone.
Don't open up and
Invest yourself.
You get hurt only when,
You invest yourself.
When you trust someone,
And invest yourself,
You give away,
A part of yourself.
They take that part of you,
And forget about it.
Sometimes they burn it,
Down to ashes.
Sometimes they throw it,
On the ground,
Crush it into,
Thousand tiny pieces,
And walk over it,
Like nothing ever existed.