Wednesday, October 29, 2014


I'm scared of how happy I feel these days.
I'm scared how the feeling of being okay seems so new to me.
I'm scared to make new attachments.
I'm scared that it'll get bad again soon.
I'm just scared and it's absurd,
Because it's all I ever wanted,
And now when I finally seem to have it,
It's scaring me to death.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

I wonder if the situations have changed at all. I wonder if I am the only one who has changed. I still don't have "friends" but I can still hang out alone in the campus and try to fit in with others. Sometimes, I wonder if people notice it and what do they think of. To be honest, I don't think about it just "sometimes", I think about it all the time. 
I am jealous because I don't have friends who call up to ask me how I am when I'm sick. I'm jealous because I don't have friends who ask me if I want to go to the cafeteria building for lunch. I'm jealous because no one asks me if I'd like to go the mall or for a movie. I'm jealous because no one pulls my leg anymore. 
I think I embarrass people with my looks or quiet not so appealing/fun personality. But at the same time I'm surprised how so many people know my name and know what I'm good at. 
I don't get mad at "small things" not unless you insult me. I hate when people say that I get offended easily. A few people are kind of scared of me like they think that I'd hit them or shout at them, something like that, you know? But I've never been that kind of person. I think I probably look angry as well.. not just stressed and depressed.  
I need to stop looking for affection already but I don't know how to stop. I'm not anyone's priority and that hurts way too much. And I want to stop breathing to stop that pain.  

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Why would you come back?

Why would you come back in her life after 
breaking her down into a thousand pieces?
Why would you want her back and tell her that you care,
if you've still kept the doors of your life shut?
Why would you do this?
She is unmendable and if you hurt her more now,
it will only burn her down to ashes;
And she will be carried away by the strong wind, 
leaving behind, no traces of her existence.
Is that what you want?
But why would you want that?
Why would you come back and hurt her again?