Saturday, February 22, 2014

Old conversation

The old conversation is something 
that I keep close to my heart.
It reminds me of your kindness,
the humble being that you were to me.
It reminds me that you did care,
when you wrote those words.
It keeps me from hating you.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014


I hate the words that come out of my pen,
It's ordered and yet scattered,
Like the lego pieces on the ground.
I can't find the right words anymore.
I can't figure out the way I want to shape 'em up.
A peculiar feeling of emptiness is still there,
It stays hidden during the day,
But creeps in like a ghost at night.
The scars on my arms have faded away,
But I'm tempted to make new ones.

Sunday, February 16, 2014


Where do I go with a destructive mind?
What do I draw or write with a destructive hand?
How do I love someone with a destructive soul?
How can I be a stronger person with a destructive feeling?

I'm sinking into despair
and slowly disappearing from here.

There's no one to see,
No one to understand.
If only life was a wish granting factory,
My life would have a better end.

I'm losing it all one by one,
And getting worse at doing the simplest thing.
I still love it when the clouds capture the sky, take shapes and run,
No one knows, I still smile when the birds sing.

All of these are enough to make me to look sane,
But on the inside, the destructive thoughts are consuming me and making me insane.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

"..Questions trapped inside my head.."

I have too many questions trapped inside my head,
I usually try to find the answers while I lay awake in my bed.
I feel blessed with all I have,
And I feel content with everything that He gave.
I feel comfortable in my own skin.
And it doesn't matter much whether  I lose or win.
But then something goes wrong,
And it stays right there for way too long.
And I wonder if I'm alright?
And how to disappear from line of sight?
Why does it all come crashing down when it finally feels fine?
I really want to be happy with this life of mine.
How long will it take to feel alright again?
This time, I'm a bit afraid to commit something insane.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Mandatory Love post because Valentine's!

I always say that I fall in love with a lot of people and get attached to them easily. When I speak of love or try to express love/affection.. It’s always considered as the “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” kind of love.. which is lame at times idk. If I tell you that I love you even though I don’t know you nicely or haven't even met in person then I just love you. I don’t have a particular reason. I love your existence. I love your face. I love your smile. I love that you text me first. I love it that whenever you see dahi vada or chocolates, you think of me. I love that you make me smile. I love that you make me feel better. I love that we hang out together. I love that we are friends. I may or may not love everything about you. I will love you forever or may be less than forever. If I love you then I obviously want you to be happy. It doesn't matter if you’re a friend or someone I like or someone I haven't even met and it also doesn’t matter that I do not exist in your definition of “love” or “happiness” because I do not matter but you do and I love you.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014


I feel alive again,
But deep down somewhere,
I'm grieving something that's concealed.
My incapability of speaking haunts me.
I wish I was 8-years old,
So they would call me "shy" and not "arrogant"
May be I don't want anything.
When I ask for everything.
Nights couldn't be more pleasant;
Although sometimes I forget,
Things may not work out the way I want to,
But there's no point in fearing the oblivion.
I'm not planning on living forever,
But I certainly seek happiness, 
while I'm still breathing.

Sunday, February 2, 2014


Too dark, too thick
Too rough, too soft,
Too short, too chubby,
Too curvy and too ugly.
"Don't change yourself, you're beautiful" you say,
Then you go behind my back and laugh at appearance with them.
"Don't let the world bring you down" you say,
Then you go dig a hole and push me into it.
How do I forget all those labels?
How do I forget being visibly invisible?
How do I get it out of my system?
You words go deeper than you think.
Who are you to tell me how to wear my skin?
It's not yours, It's mine;
And your words cut it open and make me bleed.
Why can't you simply understand?
All I wanna do is feel comfortable in my skin.

Why do people find it okay to make fun of overweight people? Why do you have to give them labels? Why can't you just freaking call them by their names? Why "fatso", "fatty", "plumpy", "hippo" and "elephant"? If I am not someone who tops in every exam, I am just an ugly fatso according to most of the people. This is not what I wanted. I'm typing this out for the third time on my blog. You know I wanted to be this smart confident person but certain things bring me down and pull me back into the hopelessly exhausting bitter aura. How do you see the light when you are blinded by the darkness? I cannot feel comfortable in my own skin because people make it impossible to feel so.. 
Do I call you a match stick for being too thin? Do I make fun of you for being a guy with a really high pitched voice? Do I say things and make you feel ugly or unwanted? Do I make a comment about the dark color of your skin or the huge forehead that makes you look bald? Do I say anything about your height or acnes that you have on your face. To be honest I have honestly never seen an overweight person to make fun of someone else's physical appearance. Well at least I haven't done that and I won't ever do that. Because I am far better than that. I don't ever focus on what someone is wearing, what their hair looks like or what they look like? 
My life will honestly get 10 times better if people stopped calling me fat. I HAVE A BLOODY NAME. Why can you call me by name? I know that people from my college read my blog too but I wish my classmates and people I call my "friends" could read this as well. I'm sick of it. It makes me think too much and all that runs in my mind is the names that you give me. It makes me feel so weak, so pathetic and so worthless that it makes me want to die. I cannot forgive or forget anymore. I almost cried when I typed it out. I just want to disappear and I don't want to see anyone ever again. I feel helpless. And nothing can make me feel better.