Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I'm happy?

Plenty of fears 
to deal with and
to win over.
Misty eyes always lie
say "I'm happy" and
you never deny?
No one's mine
No one's here.
I wish you were
Just a 
bit more near.
I'm being happy 
and I'm faking a smile.
My heart's been torn
and I know not when and where!
I want you to 
come back just once 
I'm standing there
where you had left me. 

P.S. Just not in mood today.. feel like crying.. well i already did today. Well I made a video. o.o Its lame.. I was just trying.. 

Stuffs

So this is nothing seriously. I'm going to write about stuffs. 
-I hate holidays. I seriously hate holidays. I get bored at home. I either quarrel/fight with my bro or with my mom. -I miss mr. Selfish badly. Ummm he texted me yesterday saying sorry but it was a mass send :| So I didn't reply!
-I'm sick.
-Before winter holidays, we found a love letter in Simran's Practical notebook. Pooh wrote that letter for Mr. selfish but unfortunately "We" read that letter before him!! :P Bahahaha we are so evil :P Well she wrote everything in it O.O About their first date, touch, kiss and also more than that!! O_O Ewww it was creepy. Bahaha good thing I didnt throw up after reading that :P "Shona" and "Janu" gave me headache.. Why don't they simply take each others name? Why Shona and Janu? v.v Anyways they both stopped coming to the school :P Mr. Selfish comes but his Girlfriend doesn't!! :P and Mr. Selfish has stopped talking to any girl in the class!! lmao
-I was thinking of deactivating my Facebook account. But I won't!! Reason: an idoit over there :P
-Aaaahh btw its 4:20 am and I haven't slept yet D: I'm a bit hungry now!! v.v
-I'm back on twitter :)
-I miss Mr. Selfish v.v I really do but he was the one who screwed everything between us!! (I know I'm writing this again but I really MISS him. He was my bestfriend)
-Aaaah I need AIEEE form v.v !! 
-Ohh btw I love Jarrod Matthew :P He is a cover artist. He ish amazing :o and awesome o.o and cute and adorable :3 Bahaha.. I keep watching his videos on youtube :P And I'm thinking of doing some covers too.. hehe.. Atleast I should try once o.o Lets see if can sing or not!! o;

Monday, December 27, 2010

"..Be my angel.."

Seasons change and stars fall.
May be I don't know all.
Days growing longer and 
Nights growing shorter,
But I know I'll be okay.
And I won't walk away,
I'll face all and try my best,
I'll always trust
you and your words
like that. 
Make me a wish
and I'll be yours forever.
And I promise you won't see
tears in my eyes ever.
Be my angel and make me special,
My heart would weep never.

  

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas Party??

Weeee It was pretty great o.o Never thought that Mom would let me go for the so called "tiny miny Christmas party" at Srishti's place xD 
Me and Simran bought a snow globe for Srishti and Anubha. It was really awesome ^_^ 
This was my First christmas and I'll always remember this. We then headed to Anubha's place.. And then to Atul's place ^_^ 
It was pretty awesome :3 It got a bit screwed up though.. Anubha's dad was kinda drunk and we (Me and Simran) were kinda scared. And then we left soon XD
 Well It was all okay. Stuffs happen =] Anubha kinda felt bad I guess but She doesn't have to. 

"..Christmas wish.."

Its christmas.. and I am still sad. The smile on my face is a fake one. I hope if I could really stay happy. Why my wishes never come true? Am I too bad? Hmm I'm listening to Fall for you. And I like his voice. =] I have no idea why I am feeling sad.

Dear Santa, 
My christmas wishes are different from others. There are some questions in my mind which makes me cry. I only need their answers and also something more than that.

I want to know why She did become so mean?  Why does she lie everytime we meet her? Why does she hate us? What will she get by doing so? Why did she become so special to me and Why did she make me cry?

Why mr. Selfish hates me? Why did he come so close to me? Why did he stop me from crying? Why did he do stuffs only to make me smile? Why was he ashamed of hosting Teacher's day with me? If we were best friends then why did my height matters to him? After making me laugh and smile why did he left me like that? Why is he giving me tears now? 

Why for my best friends, their Girlfriends are more important than me? Why didn't they get mad, why they didn't slap me when I stopped eating and also when they saw the cut on my wrist?

 Why I have no one to tell me I am not alone? :( My christmas wish is:
I want an Angel to guide me and be with me. I want to meet someone really special. I want Mr. selfish back as my friend. I want my best friends to care for me. I want Her to be the way she was earlier. I want my mom and dad to trust me. I want my brother to be sweet just like the way when he was 5 years old. 
I wish If I could be happy... =[ 

Friday, December 24, 2010

"..why she hates.."

Still confused,
to see her like this.
Why is she still mad at
her life like that?
Hates God but still she hopes,
Someone from the blue, 
would come in her life.
She endures every pain,
cuts herself, proof is 
the scars on her wrist 
but still in her eyes 
you can't find the mist..

P.S. thats not my hand(v__v) 
 

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Its a new "me"

=] I don't know.. I feel sleepy and tired. I am so damn tired of crying. Arghh.. don't even feel like living. I just wonder why Colby said that I am special? and How did he know about the stuffs happening to me? Am I really special? If yes then why didn't I get anything special? If no then Why I didn't die? I hate "me" because I know a lot of people who hate me and I don't know why?! My face is an open book. I don't feel safe anymore. I am scared. And do you know whatever I want? Umm a tight hug from someone. I want someone to hug me and tell me that I am not alone and they'll be with me forever. 

Anonymous life =]

I want to live anonymously again. It was all awesome when I was an anonymous to the virtual world. You were not knowing me. I was not knowing you. I have deleted my MYB account. And I guess I'll delete FB too. =]
I tried to cut my wrist again yesterday. I didnt feel anything. I was just crying. Arghhh darn it! Why the hell I didn't die! Mom doesn't know anything about it.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

"..still alive.."

"..I'm still alive, smiling, dreaming
and breathing and you know what even
the earth is firm beneath my feet.."

Monday, December 13, 2010

THATS how it looked on saturday

Yeah I know, I'm insane. I told my friends 'bout this at school (only girls though) Well I showed my hand to Prince and he went mad. And also to Tunesh but even he wanted to do the same o.O He broke his cell phone. =] Not eating properly. Skipping breakfast and lunch and sometimes dinner. I have no reply. I don't want to tell you that why I did so. When Tunesh saw my hand, he was like " Did your mom see that?" I said "nope" He again: Then what's the use of this thing?.. Hmm well I didn't do this to show her or anyone.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

"..choco's blah blah.."

"..I don't know.. if it matters you much,
The truth is, my life is such. 
For a life to make them smile,
I don't care if I have to cry for a while. 
I know that you don't care,
and I know you won't be here...

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Dear God, I hate you! :|

I tried to cut my wrist today. But then I cut my hand. Why she has to be like this? It was so embarrassing, my younger brother's friend was here and Mom abused me, yelled and beat me again. She almost stabbed me with a knife. I got a cut on my right foot. Argh.. I'm not a kid, I'm 17 and she cannot treat me like this. I swear, I'm not going to anything. She doesn't know 'bout me cutting my hand not even about the cut on my foot that i got 'cause of her. And don't worry, 'cause I'm ok.. My hand didn't bleed much. I went for a movie 'cause I didn't want to stay at home. Watched Band baja Baraat with Srishti, Shruti and Divya and movie was quiet good. =] 

Friday, December 10, 2010

"..If only they.."

If only I could escape this place,
I'd go anywhere 
to live my life in my own way
with no boundations .

I can not fly,
but soon I will die,
What if they didn't let me go,
I'd end my life?
I hate being cocooned in their love,


Frustrating and suffocating is their care,
And I know He is being unfair.
And now no hopes but only dreams
are spared in my life ..
 

I'm no more a sweet teenager (T^T)

It looked so awesome o.o Weather was damn so good. It was all foggy when I woke up at 5:30 am for tutions. I couldn't see anything. :P Went school but my "awesome" mom and bro ruined my mood. 
I hate them! Sometimes I feel like I'm their step daughter/sister. We had PTM (Parents teacher meeting) today after 11:00 am. It's so embarrassing (-__-) Everyone's mom keep praising their daughter but my mom talks like "achche marks nahi aye toh sadna yahi. Koi college.. kuch nahi!!" And she said this to my class teacher even!! 
If she wanted to say all these stuffs then why didn't she tell me at home? Why did she embarrass me in the school? I got 84% and I wanna know, is it bad? Last time it was only 61% (v__v) and Yesh!! My mom says I don't study at home. 
My life is so bitter and I'm no more a sweet teenager who used it pen her feelings silently and never let anyone know the worse side of her life. I'm saying stuffs 'bout my mom and bro. =[  Eeeehhh  (T^T) I love you mom =/ I'm sorry for saying so. I'm just mad.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

choco's blah blah!!!

"..Life is sometimes bitter,
sometimes sweet but,
I am still alive,
making the earth firm
beneath my feet.."

"..school stuffs and life.."

I feel good. =] I'm surprising everyone in my class. I haven't cried since my birthday. Craps still happening in my life. Kritika started talking to me. o.O She ish definately the one who wants me to die. Wow!! Does she know how the hell I survived. How I felt? =/ I would have killed myself seriously. errrr its good I guess 'cause she was wrong. =]
Its cold and raining. >.> but I want it to snowww  >_< It never snow-ed here in Chhattisgarh. We were hugging and cuddling in the class. xD Umm yesterday, I quarreled with Tunesh. Arghhh yes I felt annoyed. Am I getting jealous of Pooja? Yesterday and even today, I kinda didn't like it when he talked to her. And my friends started calling me Sheela ki beti!! O.O Yesh my mommy's name is Sheela v.v !! And I found "My name is Sheela, Sheela ki jawani.." written on the last page of Meraj's notebook.>.> ?
They love to tease me and I love getting teased :P
Wearing hoodies these days ^_^ I love hoodies ♥ bahaha I look like penguin in winter o.o !! Oh well, a weird thing happened today. While coming back from school, I just felt that Saket ish somewhere near and when we reached near the Fuel station.. I saw him o.o and he saw me o.o and I don't know why I smiled back at him!! v.v We are not friends anmore. I want to hate him but I can't stop caring for him. And If you are thinking about the so called poem "..Last night.." on my blog, then yesh It was really ME and those stuffs had happened to me.
Anyways, I kinda feel sick now. Already have headache and I feel like throwing up (~_~) Umm this time I wanna celebrate christmas with Srishti, Anubha and everyone. But I guess the plan won't work =/ Just a month and then no more school >_< !! Eeeh I need a time machine >.> ? Anyone listening? I really need a time machine. I wanna live those moments again! =[

Sunday, December 5, 2010

"..an atheist.."

"..I'm just so empty, my heart and soul, are seeking insanity.
I'm walking towards infinity, I am an atheist, I believe in deeds,
I don't fear God; I did nothing wrong; I cry all alone but still not alone.."

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Last night..

Last night, my brother was annoying me,
I took his cell phone,
And he bit my hand,
I screamed in pain and mum walked in,
Yelled at me and him, 
She didn't say much to him
But she was just yelling and yelling at me.
She started calling me names,
A bitch, slut and what not. 
Just 'cause I don't help her in doing chores,
and I stay online late nights?
I ignored her and walked to my room, 
But she told me that she regretted for,
Giving me birth and said, "you should die"
She told me that I'm ugly, fat and short,
and I bring badluck to the family!
Those words killed my soul one thousand times,
So I told her that she should kill me right then.
Did I do anything wrong? 
Then why did she start hitting me?
With a leather belt and she kept cursing me.
She was knowing I had an accident,
like a week ago?
She thinks it was all my fault,
She thinks I'm so careless but that's how
Kids are, aren't they?
She was aware of my pain and
bodyache that I already had
But she grabbed my hair, dragged me to a wall,
and started hitting my head against the wall and the floor, 
I tried to run but she seized me, 
pulled my hair, dragged me and started
hitting my head again; 
I was weeping, crying and screaming in pain;
but she didn't listen,
She wanted to shut my mouth, 
So she kicked my face,
It started bleeding; I got a cut in my lips,
It looks all red from inside. 
I was beaten up and treated as if I wasn't a person.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

"..I'm drunk.."

I'm drunk and I'm high;
I'm still alive and I do sigh;
I remember those memories,
Sinking stars and secret diaries.
My head is full of stuffs useless,
It won't be wrong if they call it a mess.
Tears roll down my cheeks but I feel no pain,
No one could see me crying; thanks to this rain.
and now I am dancing like an insane tonight,
and beneath  the  silvery light;
It's me and  my  solitude,
yes, I ain't any princess
but  I  am  someone,
cursing her fate.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Updates!! ^_^

29th November: We didn't win any match. :3 Yellow house didn't even reach the finals d(-_-)b don't have players D; Though we lost but I was happy 'cause I enjoyed alot :D and everyone else was thinking that I have gone mad :O :P I sh so freaking dead <.<  One more thing D: kritika's eye ish bleeding o.O and most of them went to her place to see if she ish okay :O and suchita took my scooty and you know what.. she broke the mudguard!! d(-_-)b Now my scooty sounds like khrrrrr khrrrr!! O.o
30th November: weee awesome o.o.. I had a great day o.O we won xD yesh yesh yellow house won :3 we reached the finals of wheel race both boys and girls but we lost :P its okay ^_^ then we had some sorta dispute between the house leaders o.o and blue house were almost disqualified O.o but we sort it out soon ^_^ and continued with the rests. We had some minus markings too <.< and we reduced other houses' points too xP bahahaha then we had junior dodge ball for girls and we reached final again o.o and we lost :P and then senior girls doodge ball :3 and we reached finals again and yesh I was in the team :P aT FIRST WE HAD A TIE AND THEN TIE BREAKER MATCH AND THIS TIME WE WON ^_^ I was damn tired and I might have collapsed in the ground. o.o but somehow i reached my class and i fell asleep :P My head was hurting badly and my legs too >.> I never run but yesterday I did :O And Barkha hit my head with ball accidently <.< lol xD It was awesome lol. Everyone laughed but its okay xD I went home and collapsed on my bed. Can't believe I didn't eat anything and I played well o.o and won the match too :D Well other house members were happy for me and my house.. Really happy, more happy than me! :3
 
P.S. I'm sorry that I couldn't visit your blog in time. I am busy with my school stuffs and sports. And my knee hurts like hell and it looks horrible. I can't even walk! >.<

Sunday, November 28, 2010

don't read :P

My knee hurts badly T_T and its still bleeding..  Arghh.. well today ish sunday and I gotta go to school for preparing stuffs for annual sports o.o Oh yeah I am the captain of yellow house. But I have been hurt, and I don't know how the hell 'am I going to play!!? I'm not much into sports but I play dodge n' ball and Shot put!
This time we are going to have kabbbadi and kho too o.O I don't know 'bout kho.. 'cause I never played it in my life 'till now o.o And I am not in mood of playing either ^_^ Guys gonna have cricket and table tennis. We were supposed to have Football but due to some reasons and also lack of time, it's been removed from the list.
Arghh I'm so angry at her :| She doesn't trust me. She broke my cell phone (T^T) She should kill me if she doen't trust me ^_^ Arghh.. thats why I didn't want to grow up. I'm seventeen and I'm still being hit. The only thing ish, I just let it be. Now I don't cry for whole day like before. I have got IIT's form and I have been told by my mom that I won't be allowed to appear the exam if I get Bhilai or some other place as my centre! Lame ain't it? Why did they even do "meherbani" on me? For doing anything that I want, I have to listen to their blah blah!!

Komal is lame lol. Yesterday she WAS doing some work and Meraj was going somewhere :P and she was like "Meraj Sunno na!!" Ohh geez lol who the hell talks like that to their class mates?? :P
I hope everything goes well! And I know My house gonna loose :3 Just wanna enjoy :D the time with friends! Yup yup sports gonna start tomorrow :3 hehe! I don't know what Saket gonna do 'cause he hates me and I feel like he's going to do something which won't be good for our house. And may be won't even come to play!! (v__v||)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

choco's blah blah!!

"..Stealing my tears, getting over my fears,
staring at my dreams and this time no one screams.
I feel home, I feel secure,
They don't let me cry so how can I die?
Hands in hands, we walk together and
I just know we gonna stay like this forever.."

P.S. thanks for caring ^_^ my knee ish still hurting and started bleeding again o.o.. haha I was thinking 'bout yesterday haha.. it was really fun :P and I loved to see them scared specially Meraj! :O

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

3rd accident! :O

3rd accident of this year. Well last year, I used to have at least 1 accident every month so I guess it's not too bad :P !! I'm in pain right now. My knee is still bleeding v_V I haven't told this to Tunesh 'cause I know he'd be mad at me. :O And yet again it wasn't my fault. Actually after Maths tution, me, PPG, Neeraj and Meraj were going back home together. We didn't stop at our "Adda" today. The other guys were still there but we left. Me and Neeraj were ahead and Meraj and PPG were behind us.
I was going really slow since Neeraj was on his bicycle and PPG too 'cause Meraj was on cycle. But suddenly, I don't know what the heck happened but Meraj was in my way and then bam!!! CRASH!! lol :P I fell, and my favorite blue jeans was torn and my knee was bleeding. At that time I couldn't to stand. :O Neeraj helped me to stand up lol XD, and in no time other guys (Prince, Kishan, Pankaj, Manish, Manni and Praveen) rushed to where we were. Meraj was holding me o.o and was supporting me.
It was dark(no street lights).. o.o so since every wanted to see the wound and also wanted to know if I'm okay they used their bike's headlight.:P It was hurting like hell O_O And then Meraj and others kinda argued and were like "we should take her to docs." and some were saying "Geez! yup she needs a doctor!" and I was like "eehh no! I'm okay. Its not too deep." Actually I hate doctors and was scared too. and after that
Meraj said, "Hey let me drop you home"! But I was stubborn and I was saying, "Uh no it's fine. I'm okay and I can go on my own"
Meraj again: "You just sit(pointing at the seat), I'll drop you" But I won. haha. :P I was still in pain!!
We headed to my home. And it kinda looked funny. It was only me and the guys were looking like my body guards. Fun! But then only Prince came with me to my home. We both lied and told that some crazy guy tried to overtake and I fell while trying to save him and the guys beat him for this!! XD Mom medicated it. But its still hurting and bleeding.
P.S. weird o.o Me and Meraj don't really talk. o.O He never took my name! o_O

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

What I did today? o.o

Hmm nothing special.. I was up for the whole night o.o but still missed the tution 'cause I was damn tired. Reached school in time. English test was well :) I was thinking 'bout mark for the whole day. I am really worried for him. Two periods of physics are annoying. :| PPG was slapped by Tiwari sir. Actually, PPG, Ayush, Tunesh, Saket, Meraj, Pankaj, Neeraj and others decided to join two rows of desks together. :P Tiwari got mad o.o and punished them :P He made them to kneel down on the floor for 2 periods :P Though Tunesh escaped it soon :P Umm I was completing my Physics notes in first three periods :) We did chemistry practicals and it was fun XD Specially the test for Nickel o.o The test tube looked awesome o.o.. Simran's hand burned 'cause of concentrated H2SO4 , We put NH4OH on her hand XD but it was still burning o.o.. Hmmm Hindi was boring and annoying like always. We laughed a lot in Games Period haha! :P And went to Kindergarten section after ages o.o, Saket was just saying "selfish" whenever I passed by o.o !! And he came on my way twice :P lame haha! :3 I came back home and had "Palak paneer" :)) I was about to lay on my bed but before that I texted Mark.I don't remember anything after that.. I just collapsed o.O

"get a life!!"

Why do you judge people without knowing them? How can you do so? Did you ever thought 'bout their feelings. So what if the person is bisexual or Gay? So what if they dress weirdly? So what if they can't speak properly? Why does it matter to you if they are black or white? Why do we still have racial discrimination? The bisexuals and Gays are human too right? They too have right to live and enjoy and have relationship. The black race can be the most honest person and the white could be a cheater. The person wearing cheap clothes could be the rich one and the one with expensive wardrobe could be poor. The ugliest looking person could be the most amazing person in the world and the prettiest could be lame and ugly from inside. We always blame others that they are being mean to Indians. But before blaiming them, why don't you look at your own self, your people and your country? Why the heck it creeps you out if I am a non vegitarian? Why? :( Non-vegitarians are human too. Why can't you understand this? My neighbours are of same sort. They don't talk to us nicely just 'cause we are bangalis and we are non vegitarians. And recently on FB too. I feel lame. You are damn so literate and older than me but still if it still bothers you then the one who ish lame ish YOU not me! I have friends who are bisexual and I don't give a damn to what you think. Yeah I'm a non vegetarian but it doesn't mean we eat whatever that moves!! sucks!!! Just go and get a life!

don't give a damn to this title thingie!

I am so pissed off. Why do people die? :/ I'm missing harpreet again. I cried a while ago. Mark deleted his MYB account and I guess deactivated his FB account too :/ Mylor and Mark broke up and Mark just ate a lot of chocolates. My head hurts badly now. Its 2 am and I'm up writing this post, hating God and cursing. Why do they hate me? I meant by Kritika and Saket.. =/ I befriended Riya and Divya. We are sorta good friends now. On the other hand, I have even stopped looking at Saket. :/ I was studying for the whole day and late night, my bo pissed me off. I am going to stay up for the whole night and anyways, I have got tution after 3 hours so I guess I'll be studying again. :| I'm kinda mad at mom and dad too. I'm such a looser. I just can't do anythng. Its 23rd November and I haven't got the IIT form yet! Heck someone please get me a form somehow, I'll love you forever. My parents are so lame and mean, they can't even get me a form to appear IIT and they want me to be an ENGINEER awesome v.v !! Feeling really alone right now.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

"..little Princess.."

No bluffing, no playing,
'cause she has a little naive heart.
No wings, no robes,
she's still a little angel.
No beauty, no grace,
But still she's a little princess.

Can't believe that I wrote this at 2 am!!

Gah! I don't know. I am bored and tired. Hmm, I am happy but not from the bottom of my heart v__V ! Feeling alone again. Just wanna talk to some friends. I just want to go back in past and live those moments again. I wanna change something in the past. I wanna tell them that I love them. :/ I really don't like tough situations in life. Everything ish going smooth but still something doesn't seem right. Arghh.. I don't but yeah I am really scared to smile or laugh. Just want someone to hug tight. My head hurts badly. Blah school ish getting boring =/ Two periods chemistry and two periods Physics really sucks! My tests gonna start from Monday. First one ish chemistry. Blah I have to study Thermodyanamics and Nuclear chemistry. Ohh I'm going to appear IIT exam! o.o Tunesh will get me a form on monday. :3
Umm I wan't to be a fashion designer and a writer too. :) I am letting people to hurt me through their words. :| I'm so dumb! I need a friend who will atleast not make fun of me. Argh why the hell I'm missing Saket??  I hate him! I wanna learn the way of talking. Well I'm different I can't be like others. Umm, all of a sudden, I want to be in relationship. But I'm not pretty. I look so ugly, I'm short and FAT. No one's gonna love me and hell I'll die soon V____V I feel lame now.

Friday, November 19, 2010

"..blue and black..*

Dreams are the same,
New are the hopes.
For I was meant to
reborn and live again,
I have to die today.

I leave behind my,
memories and love;
and may be my,
bitter absence in
someone's life.

No matter what,
happens next in,
my life 'cause it's just,
taking me either to
heaven or hell.

The dark is scary,
and blue is weary,
I know not where,
to go; I know not,
what to do!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

"..school.."

I cried today o.o Yeah I know, not a new thing but the reasons are new :/ I cried last night too when I told Mark 'bout me. :/ At school too we were talking 'bout me.  The girls know 'bout it but I haven't told guys. Well Prince and Tunesh knows 'bout it. I guess, Prince ish angry at me.
I don't know how others are going to react 'bout this ovarian tumor/cancer thing. I was so scared in class. And then Saket messed with me!! Lame creature <.< !! I cried 'cause of him and 'cause of that ovarian cancer. But I'm glad that I fooled everyone :P No one knows that I cried. Though they knew that I was in messed up mood. Weird thing ish that Saket made me laugh O_O !!
And later, Sushma, Aastha and Simran started tickling me xD. Me and Srishti annoyed  Riya, Anubha, Sushma and Simran ! :P It was nice and boring o.o ! I told Tunesh 'bout this ovarian tumor today in tution. Ad he kinda didn't believe that. I'm sure he's gonna make fun of me.*sigh*
Saket and Ayush didn't come to tutions today and we found them in our "Adda" :P (Yeah we have our secret den lol) I didn't want to stay so I stayed away but PPG was forcing me to stay. But later Tunesh walked up to where I was standing and said "Tu jaa. mat rook yaha" I left and on my way to home, I received PPG's call saying, "Why did leave? We asked you  to stay then?". I told him that tunesh asked me to do so :) [Tunesh ish always right] so he didn't argue and later when I reached home o.o I recieved Saket's text saying, "I'm just kidding with ya, don't take it seriously"!!
Huh! What the hell does he thinks 'bout me? I'm not Divya, Anisha, Suchita or his GF Pooja!!! I just sent him a blank message! o.o The only thing he'll get by hurting me would be HATRED!!

P.S. please, don't over react ^_^ I'm not going to die now! Be normal ^_^ thanks for caring though!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

choco's blah blah!!

"..My life, my dreams, my wish
and my chocolates.."

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

"..If I die..."

I never knew it was you,
and never thought bout my life too.
Just one smile, one touch,
and the world is mine.
You keep trying to do what you want,
I would lie if I have to for you.

So close are my dreams,
dreams are never true.
It's a false hope and false wish,
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a bliss.
Scars on my body is nothing,
but the proof that mephistopheles still exists.

My heart may weep but it won't,
matter you 'cause I don't belong to you.
My eyes need sleep;
I just feel so alone and I wish,
for some sort of venom,
suffocating my life.

Getting mesmerised in your song,
The words seem so personal,
and I am getting vexed of the world.
Sometimes like dimsea, sometimes like drifting clouds;
Trying to drink life from the lees,
and no one see that I'm feeling bad.

I made you cry, and I didn't lie,
A lie that changed my life and,
a truth messed it up.
Will you remember me, if I die?
Need nothing but just few memoirs,
A small part in your heart.

P.S. tummy hurts x__X !! just came to know that ovarian cancer/tumor ish like a silent killer!
P.P.S. yeah I have ovarian tumor/cancer. :/

You don't have to read this!! ^_^

Your best friends betrayed you and you forgave them but still they keep doing the same thing.
you have relatives who don't want you and your family to be happy and they keep doing shits to destroy your family.
You have such uncles and aunts who wants nothing but to kick you out of the school.
You have awesome friends who don't remember your birthday but you still hope that they'll wish you at 12am? But then, you find that its 1 pm and your friends haven't wished you yet and you still care to invite them for your birthday party and like lame creatures they tell you that they can't come.
You have egoistic friends for who their ego, their respect ish more important than your birthday, your tears and your feelings.
You feel alone on your birthday even when you have your friends to celebrate it?
Your bestfriend wished to die before you and God made her wish come true?
You have mean parents who don't let you to go and visit your dying friend just 'cause they think you are a 15 year old naive?
And they are so mean that they won't even let you to go at her funeral and when you are crying and missing her; they yell at you!?
You still miss your dead friend everyday and especially when a friends betrays you and do You write poems to express how much you miss her?
You have a bro who makes you feel like crap.
Your mom ever told you that you are nothing but a burden to them?
Your mom and bro calling you a bitch, a slut and ugly fattie?
Ever felt that your parent's care for you ish nothing but like some sort of slow poision killing you every minute?
Your mom still hits you and beats you with sticks and other stuffs even when you are seventeen?
You have an ex-friend who hates you so much that she wants you to cry and die
You know people across the huge oceans who wants you to be happy and when they look at your sucidal status, they stop you from dying?
Your favorite teacher tried to blame you in a false case of cheating and bluffing and conspiring against the head girl of the school.
Your mom telling you that you are friends are mean but actually they are not atleast not like them. She wont let you to give your notes to anyone and instead she would just expect from the world to help you.
Ever been told by a stupid doctor that you have stomach tumor?
But actually it's not stomach tumor but its ovarian tumor/cancer(a silent killer).
You have a lot of guy friends and you have told everything to your mom about them and their GFs but your mom still don't trust you and calls you a slut then what would you do?
Ever felt that its suffocating at home and ever felt home at school with friends?
Do you feel like dying after having the above craps in your life?

Someone does.. she's trying to be happy and make others happy. She doen't have any hopes and she thinks her life ish really miserable. She writes suicidal notes but she never wants anyone to get worried 'bout that. She has almost decided to kill herself but something hold her back. She ish just too sensitive. The world thinks she's a crazy emo kid but that's not true.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

so called trip!! o.O


We all woke up at 4:30 am for tutions. It was so dark. At tution PPG asked me to come with them to have tea in the tea stall. I nodded and he said, "YEH hui na MARDO wali baat"!!! I was like "lmao what?" xD o.O and after the tution we found that it was all foggy. o.o It was fun. Me and PPG went crazy with our scooties. xD So we went for so called "school trip". It wasn't really a trip but for us it was. Actually, Columbia institute of engineering and technologry, Raipur invited us to visit their college. We were supposed to leave at 9 am but the bus was late like an hour late O_O. We were getting bored so we did stuffs and others were tickling me! >.< Saket ish trying really hard to seek my attention. o.o Arghhhh -.-" why do I even smile at him? And why did I give him "my bottle" when he asked for water??? -.-" He asked twice and both times I gave him!! We left at 10:30 am.  Tannoo's uncle died but still she was smiling. :) We had fun. We were singing and dancing and cracking weird jokes!
Harsh, me and Neeraj
Ayush trying to be cool :P
Kishan with dairy milk >_> He's trying to make me jealous!! o.o

Ummm we reached there at 12 and it was like some seminar! o.o The fat uncle who was speaking like for an hour obviously didn't like us. >_> He insulted Saket and Kishan! v___V
Girls!! :P
Meraz, Simran and Tannoo o.o
Inside the bus!! :D


We didn't like the campus much. We were damn so hungry, We just had chips and chocolates and kurkure on the way! Most of us really didn't eat anything since morning. Around 2 pm these people took us to the canteen. And guess what was for the refreshment? It was "puri and chane ki sabzi". And they gave us only one plate for each which had 4 puris and sabzi but those puris were really small and thick. arghhh !! >.< Lame people. :/ At 3 pm, we all left :) we dropped Riya and Tanno in Arang and Saket and Lokesh somewhere and Manni at his Dhaba =] and reached home at 4 pm ^_^
Kishan, PPG and Ayush!!

We couldn't go to Humaira's birthday! V____V
Love ya sis. Just miss the way we used to be! =]
I want to hate Saket again. o.o Best friends don't talk behind your back :/ and arghh I didn't want to see his face then why the hell I smile at him and why does he looks at me?

Friday, November 12, 2010

"..my coffin.."

Misty eyes staring at with sour heart;
Won't matter me; keep tryin' tearin' it apart.
The same red heart may smile,
for a while.
in loneliness rather,
for love and care.
And in moon light my soul may cry,
and miss togetherness and sigh.

Every surface beauty attracts you,
and I'm blindly building my dreams new.
I feel like I was born to fly,
but everyone else made my life a lie.
I dance on my own rhytm,
and I feel pain 'cause I'm not numb.
And this solitary moment,
just seem pleasant.

I wished you to be here,
But I know that you aren't near.
I wait for your smile, your glance,
call it insanity but it enhance,
my bitterness more and more.
How to tell, I completely adore
you in every situation,
your one rose would be enough near my coffin.

"Holi" with "Mehendi" :P

we had children's day today in school. xD It was fun o.o ! Enjoyed a lot :D Ayush was playing guitar and everyone else were singing. xD He was in song competition and he was awesome o.o and Meraz too and Suchita and Srishti and Divya were amazing xD . We sang the same two songs for 6 hours. xP Some get annoyed of it but it was nice :P and then Ayush and other guys planned to have a "blast". xDD They were about to burn crackers in the school corridor and boys toilet but it flopped. xP They told this only to me and no one else amongst the girls were knowing 'bout it! We had mehendi competition and boys too took part in that o.o and they were no way less than girls. xD I took in mehendi competiton..i dont know bout the result but everyone liked mine o.o Divya betrayed me again >.> she didn't give me her hand and at last I made it on Rupesh's hand. :P and four other people includes three guys and a girl :P lol xD and then everyone made it on Pranay's hand :D we wrote "head boy Pranay Thite" and made flowers and a balloon and some weird looking stuffs. o.o Everyone was so damn interested in Mehendi and guys omg.. they too put that mehendi on their hand!! xD Later the guys played HOLI with MEHENDI!! :P They put mehendi on Pankaj's head. o.o Pankaj got mad and he put it on their face and later guys too put mehendi on him. xD We are going to a school trip tomorrow. o.o

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

B'day Updates! :D

Thank you everyone for birthday wishes. I love you. :D My birthday was good. As expected a lot of people didn't come but I enjoyed it. My friends played a lot of pranks with me!! o.o
1st One: Srishti and Anubha texted me saying they can't come to the party 'cause they have some work in church! I almost cried 'cause they texted me just just an hour before the party!
2nd One: I was waiting for everyone and was looking for them from the balcony(I was standing like a dumb for like an hour) but no one came! And when I was 'bout to leave Neeraj, Srishti, Anubha and Divya reached there!! I was like oh geez I hate you why did you lie!!? (haha! loved the surprise!! :D)
3rd one: Waited for half an hour more, ordered food and no one came. It was only me, my bro, Neeraj, Srishti, Divya and Anubha. We decided to cut the cake then. We did and we put icing on each other's face xD Few mins later, Prince called me.
He:shriti, I'm sorry I can't come; I had an accident and I'm going to hospital.
Me: what?? geez!!! Are u serious??
He: *screamed* aahh YEAH!! I'll talk to you later sorry and happy birthday.
Me:umm thanks. Please take care.
I told this to everyone and Neeraj thought that he was lying but I told him that he ish really in pain. His voice doesn't seem right. A few mins later Divya called him and she went out. When she came she told us that he hasn't informed anyone at home and he's going Raipur!!
Me: WHAT!!!? oh geez!! >_<
Later Kishan came and I was like don't you think you came a bit early???!!! Prince called me again. This time it seemed like he was crying.
He: Shriti.. yaar mujhe bahut dar lag rha hai yaar. Maine ghar par kisiko nahi bataya hai. Main kya karu yaar. My legs.. I can't feel them!!
Me(panicking): Prince.. kyu nahi bataya yaar tu. Please dar mat na yaar. Aisa mat bol.
He: Shriti.. I am really scared I don't know what to do! Please help me.. please do something.
I was panicking there and was 'bout to cry and everyone else were laughing at me, I was confused and I was like shut up.. please He's scared and he's crying. Then everyone was like oh yeah :P ? turn back! turn back! I turned back And guess who?? It was PRINCE!!!!!
Lol everyone in the restaurant were kinda smiling and laughing and I was hitting Prince lol XDD I almost had heart attack!!
Well the pranks doesn't end here. Yup later they ate all my chocolates and spared only 3 chocolate bars for me and a celebration too. Hmmmm those chocolates were gifted by them but they ate a lot of chocolates!! They hid my sim card lol..and I don't know when did they took the sim from my cell phone. And I was unable to make or attend any call xP
and then my bro and Neeraj took a peice of cake, put some salt and then Neeraj made me eat that salty cake!! XP And youu won't believe what neeraj gave me on my birthday! :D He gave me a car.. A TOY CAR!!!

Chocolate basket O.O

Stealing my chocolates

Icing :D

 Lol

 Me trying to kill Prince for his prank!! o.o

Salty cake!! D:
So thats it for now. mY B'DAY was full of surprises and I loved it!!! :D