Friday, December 25, 2009

"Unspoken Christmas tale"

She was in 8th standard and he was in 10th standard.She was cute and had a sweet smile and curly hairs and beautiful eyes. He was tall and used to get dimples whenever he smiled. He was really kind hearted. The day when they saw each other, they felt something but they didn't say anything. As the time passed, there feelings for each other also grew. They never talked to each other neither they told this to anyone. 
Their eyes talked whenever it met. Within few moments their eyes shared many things. Most of the times as he looked her, she looked down to shy. They never accepted the fact that they really love each other.
Coincidently they met in many places but they never talked.. they both either looked into each other's eyes or else pretended to be strangers. They always tried to find each others face in the crowd.
When she was in 9th and he in 11th, They had a fancy faire in their school where they got a chance to work together with a group. There too they helped each other secretly. They tried to talk but some strange Reasons always stopped them.
On the same day, He found her crying in one of the classroom as he and his pals were checking the rooms. He didn't want to get inside the room 'cause his friends were with him but he did. He asked one of his pal to  inform her friends about it. Her friends went hurriedly towards the room to meet her.
She had red marks on her face and hands and was scared.. She didn't even look at anyone.He asked her"Who did this to you?" She yelled "I am fed up!! I am really tired.. I..I can't.. tolerate this anymore.. He asked again "What happened?" She replied in a shaky tone"They want me to be with them..they would throw me out of the school  if I don't do what they are asking me to do?"
He and her friends asked in reckless anger"Who are they? tell us their names.." She looked in his eyes and said"They are your mates!" He grew more reckless and asked her friends to stay with her and then he went to his class where his mates were proudly celebrating on their deeds.He just smacked them and told this to the authorities.
After these incident they became close friends. They still loved each other but didn't accept.Their friends asked both of them to speak out their feelings but they didn't.
By the time they realised their feelings, it was too late. Now he had to leave the school and place coz he had completed his 10+2 and his dad had been transferred to a new place. And may be he would never come back..
But He came.. he came back for her..It was Christmas eve; She was standing near the sea shore and was staring the choppy sea. He came closer but she didn't realise. He whispered in her ear" Merry Christmas".She turned back and hugged him. She was crying. He asked"Hey! What happened?" She answered"I really love you". "I love you too" he said and took her in his arms.They both walked along the shore and chatted whole night.
They both were knowing that He has to leave for home but this time they both were happy 'cause now they both would be together forever.


[P.S. Just tried to write  a fiction..Do comment on this and really sorry for the pathetic english ;) Oh damn! it's not good! sorry!  :( anyways Merry Christmas everyone(^_^)]

20 comments:

Selenium said...

Quiet some sentimental story... (to be frank it's a long time since I've come across any happy ending for a love story)

However, the choice and placement of the pics along the story was simply... amazing :D

Chocolate Lover said...

@ selenium
Thanks and merry christmas :)

Vittaldas Prabhu said...

The story is very beautiful. It has all the ingredients it needs. So nicely done!

But, allow me to offer few suggestions (only because you asked).
1. Don't write runaway sentences.
Example: She was cute and had a sweet smile with curly hairs and beautiful eyes
-- Her smile has curly hairs and beautiful eyes? See the meaning becomes different here. I understand what you mean, but the sentence projects something else.
2. Do not mislead.
Example: He and his friends were really kind hearted and good human beings.
-- Later on they turn out to be villainous.
3. Do not repeat.
-- In 2. you have already said they were kind-hearted which means they are good human beings. No need to tell again. (just an example, though, the above sentence is misleading).
4. Do not use inappropriate adjectives:
Example: Her friends went furiously towards the room to meet her.
-- Furiously? Check out the meaning of furious and its context of use.
5. You have not revealed what happened between her and his friends.

These are just a few for you. I hope you get the picture. And, I hope you don't mind me offering suggestions.

WINDOWLAD said...

Hi Chocolate Lover,

Thanks for visiting my blog and to your appreciations.... keep visiting!!!

your blog was awesome!!!:)

>Merry Christmas to you and your family!!!:D

~Kelvin

Being Pramoda... said...

hey sis.. happy chirstmas..:)

wonderful thought for your age..:).. good one and nicely done.. missed many posts frm u dear.. will cover as many as possible..:)

Chocolate Lover said...

@ Vittaldas prabhu
thank you very much for telling me my mistakes :)
I didn't mind that at all
'am really glad to have you here :))
Merry christmas :)

Chocolate Lover said...

@ windowlad
Thank you for dropping by :)
Merry christmas

Chocolate Lover said...

@ Prams di
Thanks di :0
Merry christmas to you too
I really missed you :)

HaRy!! said...

hey chocoooo.. nice story with the love and senti...but i think yu shud continue this with part 2 and go on!! :D

Sorcerer said...

hey!! lovely one..
loved the happy ending on it
Merry christmas

in case you are wondering how i reached here.

well..i stumbled acros!

☆Ths[Schrei]☆ said...

wowowow!!!^_^ so so so so so so niceeee!!! :) <3!

Shravan | ശ്രവണ്‍ said...

:-)

Chocolate Lover said...

@ hary
hi hary!
r u serious?
okay I will try to continue!

@ sorcey
thank you

@ Tharangni
thanks gal

@ Shravan
:))

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

well..Vittal says all the things i wanted to say as a critic..but i consider it as a nice try to make a fiction..the story was nice..and appealing..i was touched by it..though the story may be too cliche and told many times, its still leave a nice part to my life :3

Sunakshi said...

Nicely done sweety :)

Chocolate Lover said...

@ ayu
thank you :)

@ sunakshi di
thanks di :)

Amnn.......//1! said...

hey loved the story ,,
n english was way bttr then wat i use .. so y u appologisin bout it ...
it was a wonderfully written story ..

Chocolate Lover said...

@ amnn
LOL thanks ! :)

Sankoobaba said...

lovey-dovey-mushy-mushy

good story...
love at first sight..

Chocolate Lover said...

@ sankoo baba
hihi ^_^