Wednesday, December 23, 2009

"He came.."

He was badly hurt,
When he saw her shattered.
His soul cried,
When she was alone.

He grew reckless,
When she was hurt.

He stayed in pain,
When she cried.
He came in her life,
To make her smile.
He came in her life,
To steal all her sorrows.
He came in her life,
To protect her from the demon.
He came in her life,
To teach her the living grace.
He came in her life,
'Cause he loves her a lot..


Sunakshi said...

Awww..sho shweet xD

Vittaldas Prabhu said...

Nice one. A person devoted to loving the one he sees so depressed. Madly in love, I can see.

But, if you don't mind I would like to offer a few suggestions. Few words that you use are sometimes inappropriate in the context. For example, reackless --> you probably meant reckless. But look up what reckless means and try to figure if it fits the context. Also, there is a typo. The last word, alot --> you meant a lot.

Do take care of these because they will take away the credit from your poems. I hope you don't mind me offering these suggestions. It's all your call.


Chocolate Lover said...

Thanks :)

@ Vittaldas prabhu
Really sorry.. it was my fault :(
I Had done a few spelling mistakes

Sorcerer said...

that was sweet..

its an awesome feeling to be in caring hands

Rishi said...

Good one...

but i'd advise to work a bit more on this one...

few more verses ... u know to elaborate the incident....

warning: I'm not an expert at these so my word is as good as nothing.

PULKIT said...

very well written

Sankoobaba said...

"He grew reckless,
When she was hurt."

I think it is perfect...
it happens...
when you see someone you love hurt...
not only do you try to relive their pain..
but some do try to feel the pain they feel..
so the reason for being reckless is the feel pain..
because she being hurt...we cant be really happy...right?

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

wow! so sweet! i wish i'll met someone like that too!!!!!^__^

Chocolate Lover said...

@ sorcey
thanks! :)

@ Rishi
thank you.. i'll work on it ^_^

@ Pulkit
thankiyu ^_^

@ sankoo baba
yup ^_^

@ ayu
'am wishing the same!! :p