Monday, January 10, 2011

You have no idea how badly I am hating things around me! :(

You have no idea how badly I hate things around me. I hate when He gets angry. I hate when she yells at me for no reason. I hate to see that literally I have no one who cares. I hate it when my parents get mad and "fight". I hate to know that my parents use abusive words. I'm not saying that it happens only with me. I know it happens everywhere but specially in India. May be be you too have gone through this. You know what.. I kinda don't like India anymore for this one reason. I am not saying that I "hate" it. I am saying that I don't like few facts about here. 
I didn't want to cry this year but I can't help it. I'm so damn tired of these stuffs. Its 9th Jan and I had only one day when I didn't cry. I'm so not happy now. I wish if I could run from here and go somewhere else.

I don't know how to,
survive another day.
I don't know how to, 
take control of my fears,
I don't know how to,
stop my tears.

I don't have wings,
I know but,
I want to fly and glow.
I'm caged in thoughts,
care and love.
Questions linger in mind,
"Am I ever going to have,
my guardian angel?
Am I ever going to meet,
someone special?"

I don't know, seems like, 
life won't change,
and remain the same.
I have no where to go;
and when I feel alone,
I go out in the balcony,
sometimes sit in the stair case,
put the music on,
sing the song and pretend
that I'm not listening. 

Tears run down and,
I keep hating God, 
and Myself.
Situations and their talk, 
makes me think that,
I am a curse and,
It gets more worse. 

I guess I'll deactivate my FB account. Umm there is no need of FB right now. And I don't know a lot of people out there. I don't really talk to them nor they talk to me. And for the first time when I decided to do so, I didn't really get any reaction from any of my "friends" there except one and I didn't delete it that time. This time I'm not going to tell anyone about this!
Hate the way, that one person keeps ignoring me on fb and gets off whenever I want to talk. =| 

8 comments:

PULKIT said...

dear sis,
I am initially speechless and since I am not even tint close to you...I don't know where to begin with.
I would have shut quiet like an asshole had this been coming in form of some tweet, or Status update.... but this isn't, its a blog post... meant to read, meant to be felt and meant to be spoken about.....in the form of a comment.

1st . The household mess, I am sad that u at such a tender age has to undergo the trauma of it, It enrages me somehome (which is not justified, since I don't know them) how your parents, living so close by cannot witness the immense pain you are going by it... I pray to god that almighty gives them the wisdom to notice beyond differences, and analyze within themselves...how a young soul with no fault of her, is being a victim in all this.

2nd . Life is in phases. phase one is childhood, but phase 2 isn't, eventually there would come a day...when you would have choices, ambitions and dreams of your own, world would be happier in some ways... sky would be bluer and may be... rainbows might twinkle again. Life is a constant change.

3rd. Speak out whatever you are going through, if not on a blogpost...then in close confinement of a friend, or a stranger...doesn't matter, the point is.... not being a vegetable, and retaining human aspects of belief, trust and faith.


take care sis!
regards
pulkit.tiwari@gmail.com
hoping to leave a little smile on your face... I know it sound gay and girly at the same time, I would still be very happy....if u do smile :)

PULKIT said...

dear sis,
I am initially speechless and since I am not even tint close to you...I don't know where to begin with.
I would have shut quiet like an asshole had this been coming in form of some tweet, or Status update.... but this isn't, its a blog post... meant to read, meant to be felt and meant to be spoken about.....in the form of a comment.

1st . The household mess, I am sad that u at such a tender age has to undergo the trauma of it, It enrages me somehome (which is not justified, since I don't know them) how your parents, living so close by cannot witness the immense pain you are going by it... I pray to god that almighty gives them the wisdom to notice beyond differences, and analyze within themselves...how a young soul with no fault of her, is being a victim in all this.

2nd . Life is in phases. phase one is childhood, but phase 2 isn't, eventually there would come a day...when you would have choices, ambitions and dreams of your own, world would be happier in some ways... sky would be bluer and may be... rainbows might twinkle again. Life is a constant change.

3rd. Speak out whatever you are going through, if not on a blogpost...then in close confinement of a friend, or a stranger...doesn't matter, the point is.... not being a vegetable, and retaining human aspects of belief, trust and faith.


take care sis!
regards
pulkit.tiwari@gmail.com
hoping to leave a little smile on your face... I know it sound gay and girly at the same time, I would still be very happy....if u do smile :)

PULKIT said...

dear sis,
I am initially speechless and since I am not even tint close to you...I don't know where to begin with.
I would have shut quiet like an asshole had this been coming in form of some tweet, or Status update.... but this isn't, its a blog post... meant to read, meant to be felt and meant to be spoken about.....in the form of a comment.

PULKIT said...

1st . The household mess, I am sad that u at such a tender age has to undergo the trauma of it, It enrages me somehome (which is not justified, since I don't know them) how your parents, living so close by cannot witness the immense pain you are going by it... I pray to god that almighty gives them the wisdom to notice beyond differences, and analyze within themselves...how a young soul with no fault of her, is being a victim in all this.
2nd . Life is in phases. phase one is childhood, but phase 2 isn't, eventually there would come a day...when you would have choices, ambitions and dreams of your own, world would be happier in some ways... sky would be bluer and may be... rainbows might twinkle again. Life is a constant change.
3rd. Speak out whatever you are going through, if not on a blogpost...then in close confinement of a friend, or a stranger...doesn't matter, the point is.... not being a vegetable, and retaining human aspects of belief, trust and faith.


take care sis!
regards
pulkit.tiwari@gmail.com
hoping to leave a little smile on your face... I know it sound gay and girly at the same time, I would still be very happy....if u do smile :)

DuDo said...

U seem to be sad 365 24X7... lyf definitely changes at some point of tym... n u will notice that it wont remain the same always either. Ups and downs are part of lyf. if you dont knw what suffering is u wont realise the time you are happy.

angel_lyn said...

hello dear...
love ur post-each n every one of them <3.
im really sorry to hear bout ur life...
be strong girl...=)

HaRy!! said...

mate.... god blessyu if these are things that are happening around..... I'd say just hang in there for the wretched time to pass thru... am glad this blog is yur solace!! its indeed!

Gaurav said...

Feeling Sad to read all... i hope things get well soon..
bt the points n whtever u write are really touching..