Blaah~ Why is it so difficult to be what you are? and Why we need to wear fake masks.. If you don't like anyone then why can't you just go and say "dude I don't like you" or "I hate you".. If someone's being mean to you then why can't you say "stop being mean to me!"
Why? Why do people lie? Why do they use each other? Why money is more important than love and friendship? Why do people take revenge? Why people hurt me? Why do I get so close to everyone I meet? Why do I give importance to everyone and everything everytime?
Tunesh is right.. the more I'll get close to others the more I'll get hurt.. But I can't fix this.. I am just the way I am.. I am really sensitive.. every single thing hurts me so badly. I can't pretend or hide my emotions in front of others.. If I don't like anyone I just say that on their face.. I never tried to take revenge.. always tried to forgive everyone.. but then what am I supposed to do when they do cheap stuffs again and again!
I am just so fed up of being used again and again.. Whats going in my mind I don't know but what I know is that its hurting me and making me cry.. Everything goes so well and suddenly within hours or minutes it seems so messed up.. I just wish if I could share my feelings to someone.. I wish if I could hug someone tight and cry..
Sometimes I feel so worthless.. You know I am just too scared of loosing anything. I don't wanna loose my friends, my classmates, My mom and dad, my bro and others.. Harpreet's death has realised me the worth of friends and family. I have become so damn possessive 'bout my friends.. and I really really hate Kritika and I hate Saket when he talks to her. Aaaah geez I feel like he is using me.. but then what was that? I mean the text that he sent me? Do I really mean so much to him? Does he really wants me to his best friend? Am I really special for him? Omg if so then I am being mean to him. But Saket is doing the same thing. I already told him that it hurts and plz don't do this again then why does he talk kritika? =/
Today during Hindi period, Kritika was sitting behind Saket.. Saket turned back and was talking to kritika.. I saw him and he saw me and smiled and said "shriti.." but I then I didnt reply, dint smile and looked dowmn and continued writting. He poked me after the class but I ignored that too and just moved out. Then he stopped me and asked if he has done anything? but I just said "no!!" I didnt even looked towards him. (Kya us buddhu insaan ko itna bhi samajh nahi aaya mera mood kyu kharab ho gya?)
Aaaaah Idk I just feel so ugly... Being the class monitor, getting good marks, being the house captain, wrtting poems and doing other stuffs is just not enough huh? Idk why I am thinking like this..? Idk what else I have to face?