Friday, April 2, 2010

...from my heart!

Caution: big post ahead. but plz read it. I'll be happy :)

I feel like dying after fighting with my younger bro. I feel so alone even when my friends are around. I am completely screwed up. I pretend to be happy but I seriously don't know whether I am or not. I do have friends who love me and who care but sometimes I feel they don't and they just pretend.
Meeting new people really freaks me out. I am really really scared of meeting new people. I can't speak my heart and if I try people misunderstand me. I can't share my feelings with anyone. I can't tell my friends what they mean to me and I really need them.
I've never went alone anywhere without my family and friends. I am 16 and I don't even know many places of my home town. When I go to buy anything I don't know how to bargain *sigh. I just can't see anyone in pain but there are lots of hypocrites around. Sometimes handicap people asks for help(money) for their surgeries and all and I do help them but then my friends/parents asks me not to do it gain cause they are hypocrites.
I am not talkative. When I try to say anything, no one listens. If you'll come to me and try to start any convo., I may not seem cheerfull and you may think that I am not interested but seriously that's not the truth at all. The only thing is "I am not talkative" and for that I really wanna say that I am sorry :(
I really don't know what's good and what's wrong for me. I took maths in 11th cause my friend's wanted me to choose maths but I took it because my friends were supposed to take it . But at last no one took that. T.T In most of the things I depend on my friends.
I hate socializing sites but I don't know what the hell am I doing there. People just say crap, spam and do blah blah blah. I've never abused anyone and I seriously don't know how to.! I am moody and i am never in a good mood. I feel so alone and hurt. Don't know why?! Sometimes I really really feel to end my life. I personally feel that Harpreet, my best friend's death has added more bitterness in my life.
I can't say this stuffs to anyone accept to my blog and to you guys there.
I am still pretending to be an idol friend of my friends and an idol daughter of my parents. I am living for them but then I really want to see my friends crying for me on my death! :D
Who am I?
I am chocolate lover. XD

P.S. I know its a long post. sorry! and thank you so much for bearing it.
PPS. blaaaaaah!! I don't know why the hell I wrote this!! >.<
PPPS. I am almost back so don't go anywhere! XD

16 comments:

Randeep said...

oh dear. you hv me :) just leave it all. it just depends on your moods. Everything will be okie. tc

Selenium said...

You remind me of me when I was in 11th. The difference was - I took Maths + Comp Sc. cause logically, I got the best scores in my 10th board for this... now I totally regret going that line -__- But that's a different story...

And don't worry, once you go out and face the big bad world alone... you'll get a lot of answers to your questions... though the answers won't be something you might agree to or like... but you have to accept them. Right now, enjoy the responsibility-less freedom while you still can :D

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

same here..youre not alone :/ i always feel like that..and to help me not to feel alone..i blog..:] smile ^_^ youre not the only one who feels that way :3

An Ordinary Gal said...

I was same as u are, don't worry...everything will be fine soon...keep writing :)

Madhu said...

I hate social networking sites too..thats exactly why i am on NOTHIN!

suruchi said...

Hey Choco...
Sweetheart...that’s part of being sixteen...we all go through it when we are 16 n we all don’t tell other 16 years old at that time for the fear of being laughed at or misunderstood...
It is the time of uncertainty...we feel there’s so much to say, but don’t know how to...so much to do but don’t know where o begin...

It’s a sweet awkward age...but while passing through it...one feel it sucks..:(
Friends are great...but then don’t trust someone too much n don’t expect the world from anyone...listen more n talk less...smile more n crib less...n u’d get through just fine...
Just remember to have as much fun as u can coz this time...these days would never return...do whatever you feel like and what makes you happy from inside n everyone would like you for that n for the way u are...sweet, simple, innocent, loving and noble...

U remind me so much of me at that age*i am not fishing for compliments...just that i was as confused*...n seeee i just about turned out alright*yup...a little mad...but alright nevertheless;-)*

The world is waiting for u...smile n face them...they’d love u for what u are...at least those who truly matter would:-)
Talk to people whom u can trust...coz that really helps...
I am sure ur parents are proud of u...
I am so proud that i know a sweet sweet girl like u...
Awww...would u please be my friend?
N i know u hate the social networking sites...but find me there on facebook n lemme get u to smile a little more:-)

Uff zyaada ho gaya...
Chalo rounding it off with a big big hug:-)

Koo said...

I totally understand the 'feeling alone even when you have friends' thing. i'd been feeling that way too some days back! You'll get over it :)

The emoticons are so sad :(

AJai said...

Relax madi. Keep yourself occupied. And if there's something that u think you need to do then you just have to go out there and do it.
Don't regret in life. I've learnt that that is the most negative thing you can do. Don't regret. Move on.

All the best. :)

Vittaldas Prabhu said...

You are very much like me. I have a few things to tell you. First, stop taking yourself seriously. Life is too short to waste thinking all the time. The mantra is "Let it go". Second, it is not only you who endures hypocrites, there are a lot other people too. It is just that it is a little extreme in your case, but that shouldn't worry you. Face the problem head on and if you see a hypocrite, tell him or her that you aren't interested in any conversation. Third, you don't have to be abusive to live life. You can always retain all levels of decency even when rebuking someone.

You are very sweet. In being sensitive I feel you give yourself away a lot. Think before you speak. Judge for yourself it the person in front needs to know what you are about to tell him or her. If not, it is better not told. Giving yourself away is very bad, because that makes you vulnerable and you can be taken advantage of.

That was a big lecture. I hope I didn't bore you.

wisewit said...

Like everyone else is saying: you're not alone--lots of people feel that way. Most people do get over it eventually, but I'm not going to say, "Don't worry." You can get over it, but you might have to work at it. You've already taken the first step by posting it on your blog. :) First advice is hold on! When you're feeling like that you'll want to do something, anything, to get away from your feelings. The problem is many of the things you'll think of doing are things you'd wish you hadn't done if you actually did them. So, hold on and wait. Most of the people I've known who felt like that, felt better a day or so later. Of course there will still be problems, but, if you just give things time enough, you may come up with a sensible way to deal with them.
Finally, I hope I'm not overreacting, but promise me this: if you ever really feel like taking your own life, tell somebody about it in person--somebody in the real world who can do something to help you. OK? Promise? Please! :) :) :)

wisewit

Nipun said...

Hey choco!!
Long time..:)
There are phases which comes and goes in everyone's life..
Don't worry choco queen.
Mast ho jaega sb..:)

Cheers

Nuts

♫♪♥W!nK♥♪♫ said...

You're an innocent sweetheart. Trust me!
You don't need to be sorry for anything.
Even I'm a quite person. That's nothing bad. Just relax and let time pass and things will be fine. Trust me on this.
Take Care alright.
*Feel Good HugZ*

Divya said...

relaxx... ur frnds are always there for u... these short unpleasant instances happen in life... patience pays then :)

HaRy!! said...

welcome mate.... i gues like most of them have told ya... its just the way... reminds me of high scool!..cyu around..

nitwit said...

dont worry sweetei have faith and thinks will be okay.one thing more your blog leaves strong impreesion of a very honest person . love ur self u deserve it

GinGer said...

hey sweetheart....its time..and time keeps changing...may be these bad times are here ..but goood times are around the corner..ive have replied to ur reply on my post..check it out....and add me