Monday, September 24, 2012

Outburst.

"..What I want, I can't have. What I have, I don't need. What I seek, I can't find. What I found, I can't deal with. What I've dealt with, I never deserved it..."
Why do I get so frustrated? Is it normal? I didn't go to college on Monday. Because, I don't know. There's just no point of doing anything anymore. Everything is so screwed up. I hate those people at my college anyways. I am so sick of everything that's happening around! Of course people want to have a new start of their lives but it doesn't mean that they'll kick out the old ones outta their lives. I know most of the people who'll read this are going to tell me "it's okay", "happens to everyone", blah blah blah. I know dammit! I know. But I don't want it to happen anymore. I really want my happiness to last a  little longer. I really do. Why do even start trusting people? Why do I always end up telling them how much they mean to me? And, even when I tell them, why do they take me for granted? Is there any person with who I can share all these feelings? NO. 
I know I am ruining myself by thinking about the past and all the crap. And being suicidal or depressed. But, I am sorry. It's just me. You have no idea, what I want, what I am dealing with or what my family is dealing with. I understand their issues. But I want them to understand mine. And if anyone out there's thinking of helping me out then forget it. It's probably too late and pointless. You cannot do anything about it. Stay away from me. You don't have to try to contact me or my family or anyone! YOU WILL JUST MAKE IT WORSE. I'll be fine hopefully.
To the person, who told me that I made my life this way.. if you're reading this then I wanna know what do you even know about me? Although, I have already replied to your comment on that post. So go check it and tell me again that I did it all and it's all my mistake!

6 comments:

Ashwin D said...

Sweetheart, you will just be fine :) God Bless you and more Light and Love for you. Hugs :)

Ajay Kontham said...

I don't think you are in a mood to take any suggestions. And I don't have one either, may be because I am in such a mess, far worse.

And you just shared your feelings, didn't you ? (okay, at least some).

Well, don't worry too much. Something good will eventually turn up. Stay Positive, if you can.
Take Care.

Plz, dont hate me for this, I already have a lot of haters in my bag. :/

Guidance ✰ said...

Maybe you misunderstood me last time, or I misspoke. I'm not saying terrible things can't happen to people, we've all been through horrible events at some point of our lives, but it's the way we chose to handle them that defines us. If you keep feeling sorry for yourself, you'll never get out of your misery.
What I suggested is that you stand up for yourself, and see your bad experiences in your life as lessons, as something that can make you stronger, more courageous and smarter!
No one but yourself can help you out of this.

Sri Valli said...

"..What I want, I can't have. What I have, I don't need. What I seek, I can't find. What I found, I can't deal with. What I've dealt with, I never deserved it..."

Awesome lines.....can relate to them a lot!!

And after reading your post....I can see that you are in real bad mood and frustrated.....Take care dear! :)

Jack said...

N C,

It is your life and it is upto you how you make it - happy or screw it. Others can only give some suggestions but ultimately it is you and ONLY YOU who can do what needs to be done.

Take care

Patricia Princivil said...

I'm not going to wish you luck and I'm not going to say everything is going to be alright. I would be bullshitting you if I did and it looks like you have already been receiving those words from everyone else, truthfully I have no advice to give you on your life. From what you write its fucked up, hands down. I gave my advice once and it looks like it didn't work, so all I can say is just fuck it all and rebel. Stop trying to forget your past, stop trying to start a new life. Trust me for a second when i say, from your posts, I know you know what you to do. You'll figure it out on you own, I just hope it you won't be to messed when you do.