Outburst.

I hate everyone of you who left me, who ignored me, and who added more bitterness in me and my life. I don't need you. I HATE YOU SO MUCH. There's not a single person in my life to count on. I won't care about you anymore. I was living when you were not in my life so I can live again when you're gone. Don't you dare try complaining that I have changed. 'cause now it's all gonna be because of you all.. I don't know why I am writing this here. I don't know why I always believed that people are nice. They are not. They are same everywhere. Everyone is a mean jerk. I guess I'll just burst into tears any moment. This is not a nice feeling. I hate this feeling. What have I done? I don't get it.. I have always been there when you needed me then why are you not here with me? May be I'll regret posting this here. But I just don't care. Someone has truly said, "People come and go but life goes on" 

I will live too. I will have a better life without you. But, tell me, why you didn't stay? Why did you all walk away at the same time? I am literally crying right now. These feelings don't even let me  to sleep. What's wrong with me?

The perfect proportionate.

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying,
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine.

No more tears and no more fears.

All I want is

 A little bit of this and a little bit of that,

No more hate but only love,

Watching you sleep like a peaceful dove.

Pour me a little bit of your giggle, a little bit of your smile.

'cause this just seems like the perfect proportionate.

P.S. Err, is this a mushy poem? o.O Well, I'm not sure. The first two lines of this poem are not at all mine. It's from the song, "Gotta have you" by "The Weepies" :) I was listening to it and I just couldn't resist those lines. :o It's been so long since I have written a poem like this.. :P So enjoy? :o

P.P.S. I am not in love, okay? :P Don't think too much.. :P

"..I hope you hate yourself for this..."

If I died today,

It would really be the final good bye.

I no longer have the urge to live

The heart doesn't deserve anything that you give.

And like you say, "I have everything".

I wonder how does nothing feels like.

And the way you make me feel,

I don't think my scars will ever heal.

I hope you realize you are wrong.

I hope you see through this song.

I hope you hate yourself for this.

"She is happy"

I stand alone,

Even when everyone is around.

I know I'm being bound.

But, someone help me to move on.

A faith in humanity fades away,

But a hope holds me back.

It's just a smile that I fake,

Yet, "She is happy" you blindly say.

"..wishing for this life to end.."

Another day has passed.

And now it's in the past.

Another tear will glitter with a hope.

Pills, razor, poison or rope?

Every option,

Takes you to your destination.

He is still perplexed to see you sad.

Wondering "what's going on inside your head?"

You cry and he's speechless.

He doesn't understand why do you think that you are a mess?

She died and they left you.

You cried and someone groped you.

That night you lost your smile and even your voice.

Only Lord knows that it wasn't your choice.

When you used words to reveal the truth.

One thousand souls laughed at you; called you "a crazy little youth"

They will never know.

They will never understand.

They can never see that you're wishing for your life's end.

Story.

Listen to the silence.

They tell a story.

Story about you.

And, the people who left you.

Memories that haunt you.

In dark, cold-misty nights.

Nostalgia wraps its arms around you.

Sometimes comforting, sometimes suffocating.

You cry, you sigh.

You twist, you turn.
You smile, You laugh.
Then you remember,
There is a demon masked as an angel.
The one who groped your virgin skin,
Whose vile intentions,
Keeps killing you almost every night.

Reach for a razor, stick it to your skin.

Paint a new picture and

write the end of your story, your life.

P.S. That's not my hand.

I don't know anyone anymore.. They all seem strangers to me. May be I am feeling a bit too alone? I don't want to be an attention seeker by posting this here. I am not okay.. It's been a month now. I can't even concentrate on my studies. I screwed all my exams. My college friends are great but they live really far(literally more than 50 miles away). My best friend lives in Croatia. I don't feel like anyone cares anymore.. Don't think that my best friend cares either.. I am just so stupid. I am crying and typing this over here.. Don't know why? I really miss people who were once with me.. Everyone.. Even the ones I met over internet.. I just feel left out. When internet is your only social life. Things doesn't seem right.. I miss Raed, Juan, Prince, Manish, Saket, Sergi, Jake, Jasmine, Neeraj, Pratish, Srishti, Anubha, Darren, John, Rob, David.. and a lot of people.. Sunakshi di, you'll get mad at me if you read this.. I am sorry.. I'm sorry, I'm hiding stuffs from everyone. I am self harming again. It's going really wrong..

"..Last breath.."

I'm broken,

I'm shattered,

Plethora of emotions,

And, nostalgia,

Haunt me at nights.

Locked in my room in low lights,

I twist, I turn,

I don't know who I am.

I'm a truth,

I'm a lie,

I can never be something that you can hide.

I'm a mess but a little less,

I'm a freak, I'm sane.

I'm happy but in vain.

Slowly, I'm turning into a wreck.

My phobias are enchanting Euthanasia,

Another killing dilemma,

Give it all or give it up?

If I left, folks would start to gossip about.

Mystery of death,

And my last breath.

P.S. Eh, updating after 1 month.. :) Haha, I am still alive. My semester exams are on.  I screwed up EM but Chemistry went awesome. I am a bit relieved today. Heh, sorry for such a sad post. :P But, Merry Christmas People. :)