Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Mess


Hey, look, I'm a mess.
Sometimes more, sometimes less.
Every night, weary thoughts fill my head,
Makes me lay awake in a real cozy bed.

Pretty clothes, shoes, accessories and all the make up,
Fail to hide the blues, my face shows up.
Eyes look puffy and lips look numb.
Pretty much sure, I'll end up as society's another victim.

If God really exists and we are all his puppets.
Why did he make me so broken yet moppet?
People say, "You're beautiful.. inside."
Why didn't He make me beautiful outside?

If surface beauty means nothing,
Why does pretty faces get everything?
I know, I am a mess,
And this is completely injustice.

May be if I had a pretty face,
Fair skin, a nice body and a little grace,
Then may be, I didn't have to prove my existence,
Every now and then.

I'll never be good enough for them,
Initially they never consider me as a gem.
Everything I want is worth fighting for,
But not everything is worth dying for.

I am sick and tired now,
For how long do I have to fight to keep the vow?
The vow, I made to a couple of souls,
Who think that I play one of the important roles.

You don't know how does it feel when someone else gets chosen over you,
The feeling, I'm dealing with is nothing new.
I don't remember what's the best thing, happened to me in past 6 years,
I was only embraced by insecurities and fears.

I wish this was all a lie, an illusion or a nightmare.
I wish if I could just wake up and realize it wasn't there.
Make me skinny, Make me beautiful,
Or just take away all these feelings, so awful.

P.S. It's funny, how till yesterday, I was fine with the pain and the little joy. I don't feel the same now. I said, I'll be fine but it's easier said then done. Especially when someone keeps making you feel how terrible you are. I was sort of contented. I was doing what I wanted. I know what I am, who I am and where do I stand in people's life. You don't have to make realize it again and again and again.

2 comments:

Jack said...

C L,

No one has a right to say anything to you unless you let them. You are not in a mess. Remember YOU are YOU. No one can be YOU. First principle for peace and happiness in life is to love own self. So love yourself first then anyone else. Each one of us has unique quality which no one else has, so never think that you are not good enough. You are God's creation and are here to prove to world that what you can do no one else can. So buckle up and get going. If you find time, do try to visit my space.

Take care

Vållῐ ★☆ said...

What a wonderful poem!...I can totally relate to your poem....

If surface beauty means nothing,
Why does pretty faces get everything?

This question even I put it always...always in my mind....

But, there are people who accept you the way you are....May be!...You haven't met them till now....You'll meet them soon dear!...Be strong!...Be brave!...Take care!