Monday, July 23, 2012

Let me live?

India is changing. India is this. India is that. Blah blah blah. These are only words. Nothing else. Nothing has changed. It's still the same. People were stuck up then. People are stuck up now!

You call yourself human? Tell me what human is. Being the most superior creature on the earth doesn't make you human.

A couple of days back. Our maid's friend tried to kill herself. She got hit by a train. She is in the hospital right now. She had left a letter for her family in which she wrote about a lot of things. One of those things was, "Papa, you wanted me to kill myself, right? I am going. I am going to kill myself. I'm sorry for every pain I've caused you and mum and everyone." The reason behind her suicide attempt is stupid. I agree to that fact. She's in love with someone and blah blah. I don't know much. When our maid told us about it, my mum's reaction was, "Wow. Why didn't she just go and die if she really wanted to. Why did she leave a letter to blame his dad? If she had died, he'd understand that she did that because of him."
Really, how can she even think or talk about someone like that? She is worried about "getting parents blamed" for the whole suicide act. She is my mother and of course I love her. But such attitude is wrong. A couple of months back, I guess in April, when she had seen scars on my hand, her first reaction was: "Omg, why did you do that? What pain do we give you that you have to do this? Everyone will think we hurt you!"

..My mother was worried about what society is going to think. I didn't really say anything. Though I had done that because of her, her son and other people who made me think like I'm "waste of space" My parents are great. And, I love them. I'll never forgive you if try to hurt them or tried to do any sort of harm. But how they treat me.. hurts me. I hate being at home. I still remember the time when I had dreamed of having an amazing college life and everything but now I am just left with aches and pain.

You can live with all the insults and being caged in a house with all the facilities but I can't. I am not you. I have a life too. Yes, I want to move out. I don't want to be in India. This place has given me so much pain. I am not sure about life in other country but I do deserve a chance. It'll be hard for me to leave my parents behind. I love them way too much. But, I have to go and I want to go.


Parents expect us to fulfill all of their dreams in return of all the facilities they provide us and also expect us to stick to them. Why do we never get asked, what we want? I know I'll be called selfish and all kind of stuffs if I ever leave. To you, it may seem like a simple stupid rant or thought. But you haven't lived my life yet. Go ask my best friends how my days go by. They don't know the whole thing though. Because the only thing I get back is, "I'm sorry. Your parents are weird. Or I don't know what to say.."

Is there anyone who could tell me more than just "I don't know what to say?" I can go on and on with these sort of stuffs. It's not only getting physically and sexually abused. It's more than that. But I'll stop now. I'm sorry for such a long post.  Someone on tumblr told me about this song, "For you by Staind" It's sad that I can relate to every single word of that song. It's like, the song was composed for me.


To my mother, to my father,
It's your son or,
It's your daughter,
Are my screams loud enough for,
You to hear me, should I turn this up for you,


I sit here locked inside my head,
Remembering everything you said,
The silence gets us no where,
Gets us no where way too fast,


The silence is what kills me,
I need someone here to help me,
But you don't know,
How to listen,

And let me make,
My decision,



All your insults and your curses,
Make me feel like I'm not a person,
And I feel like I am nothing,
But you made me so,
Do something,


'Cause I'm ****ed up,
Because you all need attention,
Attention you couldn't give.
....
Changing one person's thought won't change the Indian society. Someone trying to kill themselves or self harming isn't a topic to laugh or gossip about. You never had to try those things. Congratulations. You're lucky. But, few people are not. It's a sad thing that people take such a big step of harming or killing themselves. Stop being so ignorant.

1 comment:

Vållῐ ★☆ said...

I wish every parent understands their child feelings...and every child understands their parents feelings...