Saturday, July 7, 2012

Rain and the Rainbow.

It started raining long time back. I'm not talking about the weather.. o.O It's about my life. Again. Sorry. o:
Everything is almost on track. Again. But, I'm a bit scared. It's not going to last. Ever heard of the "forgive and forget" thing? I don't know what I am feeling. But, I'm not able to hate certain people. My mum, my best friend, my used to be best friend and even my own brother. I haven't forgotten anything but still, they are my family..

*sigh* I'll be screwing up my exams for sure this time. I dunno. By the way, I forget why I started typing this post. I am forgetting everything. Everything is slipping away from my hand, it seems. It's like everything is going too fast and I'm not able to enjoy. It's funny, I spent 18 years of my life.. I never really had "actual" fun. Staying at home makes me sick..

Oh, yeah, I need to thank certain people, who wants to help me with the situation. It means a lot really. I mean it. I know I haven't written back to anyone yet but that's because I don't know what to do, what to say. I'm sorry. There's just too many things. At the end of the day, it's my own family, no? What will I gain? I do want to move and have a new life and live it in my own way but then again, I want to do it on my own. I really appreciate whatever you are trying to do or wanting to do. But, I still don't know. Just stay by my side? It'll the greatest thing that you can do for me. At least for now!

My exams are still on but it'll end soon. I have got a lot to say but still nothing. You people really give me strength. I feel better sometimes.. thinking about you all. I am just going with the flow. A bit stronger than before. I won't cut. I haven't cut in almost 3 months. I'll try to stay safe. c:

About the last post, I'll say it again, I don't think too much about it. But, you know, it happens everyday in my life, like, pretty looking girls (BIMBOS) of my class get all the attention, plus good marks. Yes, I said, good marks. Teachers don't even check their answers and give them full marks. Just because they have pretty face that doesn't mean they are intelligent or they know everything. I hate proving my existence again and again. That's it. You don't understand it unless you've been through the same. I don't even expect people to understand it. I am not you and you're not me.

It'll get better hopefully. The rain won't last forever. It shouldn't..


⁂ܓVållῐ ⁂ܓ☺ said...

Hey forget concentrate on your exams..Okay?..You know the best way to divert your mind?

...Keeping yourself always busy in some or the other work.....

Those BIMBOS won't gain any knowledge....Only marks....In the long run....Knowledge is more important than marks....

All the best for your exams :)

Jack said...

C L,

Please remember that examinations take first priority. So concentrate on studies. I am sure you will do well. I agree with you that family is family after all but there are some norms a family has to keep in mind also. At times certain incidents do happen due to either ignorance or heat of the moment but those who are at wrong have to remember to repent the same and ensure that such incidents never happen again, even if they are family. Take adequate precautions not to let anyone take advantage of you. As far as writing to those who offer support, it is entirely your choice. If you do contact anyone, do be honest and frank.

Take care