Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I'm not alive if I'm not sharing.

"When everything is good in your life, every twisted thing happening in someone else's life seems like a drama.."

I am falling apart. I'm going insane. And once again, I'm at the point where it all had begun. I'm not alive if I'm not sharing. If I keep these stuffs only to myself, the chances are that I might give up and I don't want to do that. I don't know where to go.

How would you feel if the person, you used to trust the most gave up on you? Broken? Shattered? Numb? You usually trust your family first. But if your family is mean to you, You go to your friends and share everything with them 'cause you trust them and when that person tells you that he has given up on you and he can't listen to your "tragic tales" it sucks badly.

Insecurities have been crawling me since a very long time. And, I knew that if I kept sharing my insecurities, people would leave me. And that's what happened. It wasn't like I was sharing it with everyone I met. And often, I used to tell people that if I shared, they'd be speechless and everything would be awkward. And we might end up being strangers. And see, I was right. People are leaving me alone.

I literally don't have a single friend. There are people who I care about and who care about me but it's not the same anymore. I am not even interested to be friends with anyone. People disappointed you but it doesn't mean you'd disappoint them. Before I disappoint them it's better to fall apart.

I am not being a sadist. I'm okay. I promise. I did cry on the night when my friend told me that he had given up on me. I was really mad at him. And, I felt like a fool. But, next morning, the pain was gone. When I talk to new people, I try to act rude so that we never get attached and sometimes I just have nothing to say. It doesn't matter to me. So, it's good. Every time, when crap happens, I become more stronger. So, dear troubles, come at me bro. (:


Blahblaholic ♥ © said...

I'm not as strong as you are, haven't experienced what you have but I relate to the not telling people about your insecurities.
Just 2-3 weeks ago, I needed someone to just rant out to, and I whatsapp-d a friend, and said I'm going insane, he's like there's nothing like insanity or depression and gave me a mini lecture.
I bawled my eyes out and next morning my eyes were all swollen :|
It sucks when people do that!
At the moment, none of the people I've always been there for, have been there for me.
April was a catastrophe,okay? My relationship fizzed out, I lost my grandpa on my birthday and everything, and there wasn't one phone call or message! Sucks.
Coz I know what I'd have for the same person if our roles were reversed. And for some, I already have.
Hey, I am here. And I'm not just saying this. I really am. I'm here whenever you want to talk. About anything. I'll listen, and not judge.
<3 xxxxxxxxxxxxx <3

Vållῐ ★☆ said...

Don't care about people who doesn't care for you...Let them go to hell....And don't share anything with them who judges you instead of understanding you.....But, don't avoid everyone...I know...sometimes we get upset...that we don't want to talk to anyone...But....Everyone may not treat us the same way.....Take care dear :)

Jack said...

C L,

One needs to face life strongly at own self as it only affects you. But many times a little support comes extremely handy to keep inner strength from seeping out. I wish I could do more than just saying these words. If you wish, my id is in my profile. Choice is entirely yours.

Take care