Thursday, April 18, 2013

She did what they wanted her to do.

They asked her to let it all out. "All the feelings that hurt you, all the thoughts that make you miserable, just say it and throw them away.." She wiped her tears and said in a whimpering tone, "Alright, I will.."
She took their advice because she wanted to get better. She did what they said. But, it was hard for them too. Too see so much pain and thoughts trapped inside her. Everyday, it was a new story, a new kind of bad day which never seemed to end for her or them. But more than getting sad, they were getting tired of seeing her like that. Hating herself, skipping meals, self harming, crying herself to sleep and trying to kill herself. 
One day they couldn't take it. They wanted her to stop speaking of death. They said, "You are hurting us. It hurts to see you like this. Please don't do this. And you know what? People have it much worse. But they don't want to die. They don't speak of dying. Goddamn! JUST APPRECIATE YOUR LIFE! NOBODY LOVES A SAD PERSON, DON'T YOU GET IT?"  
She sat numb there, staring at nothing. She knew that nobody loves a sad person, they didn't have to throw it at her like that.. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.. yeah, you're right. I should probably go now.." she said with a broken smile and went to her room. 
Next morning, everything was different for them. She seemed better, she was smiling and although she was talking a lot about the normal things and normal life like normal people but she was quieter than ever. 
Her thoughts are like tangled wires that block her throat. She started to keep everything to herself because it's what they wanted.  They think that she is fine and better than before but only she knows that she is not fine. Those thoughts and feeling still haunt her and something still 'causes the pain but she tries to smile it away. Someday, these feelings and thoughts will explode and consume her and it will be too late to save her. Who will they blame then?