Depression is so fucked up. Once it gets a good grip of you, it never leaves you alone. It follows you everywhere. It gets in your system. It starts eating you up from the inside, slowing sucking up the life out of you. You scream for help but it gets lost in the noise of the crowd like a shout in a void. You cannot bring yourself to speak or express yourself, you start to forget things that once made you happy, you feel unworthy and isolated, you crave human interaction but at the same time you want to be alone and slowly being alone starts to suck as well. You smile and laugh with your so called group of “friends” but deep down you know you don’t mean anything to them and the smiles and laughs reminds you more of how lonely you are and how deep is the void in your heart. It fucking hits you out of nowhere and it makes you act accordingly. A few minutes later, when you’re done doing the action, you start to realize how stupid you were to do that. You don’t easily feel happy or loved and even if you do, it vanishes in a blink. Sometimes, you wish you were hit by a truck, sometimes you want to drink the floor cleaner, sometimes you want to make a hundred cuts on your arms and bleed to death, sometimes you want to empty the bottle of the pills. Sometimes you just want to sleep away your life. You think of a thousand ways to kill yourself. You know that it’s all in your head but you cannot do anything about it. The world disgusts you but at the same time you want to be a “normal” person. You cannot see if it’ll ever get better but you try to live your life the way it is.