"falling for you.."

I'm falling for you,

'Know, this feeling is something new.

My eyes are all teary,

Oh, I'm sorry.

You never said you love me,

There's nothing that you can't see.

The reason why I breathe,

The reason why I still believe?

My heart keeps breaking,

to see the past fading.

I know, you won't be here,

We don't live closer either.

I'm falling for you, 

From head over heels,

 I'm being yours,

With every passing second,

I falling more and more,

in love with you.

But now, not anymore,

I am running after no one and being so sore.

And, everything you did was so special,

It was so warm like a winter cuddle.

I'm falling for you more,
than before,

Wish I had said "yes"
And, let angels to bless.

When you wanted me to be truly yours.

Happy 18th Birthday to me (:

Haha, so, it's my 18th birthday..and it's going amazing so far :) I had a really good time at college. I haven't even thought that it would be so great :) I love my best friend. Hehe. He has given me the best birthday present o: And, this guy from my class, he bought me a present :P

I love my friends, family and everyone who has made it so special ^_^

Truth, secret and love (Answers of all your questions) part-2

Love's in the comments that you have written, it was love when my readers wanted me to join facebook, It's love when my one of the best-est blogger buddy, Raed keeps making me smile. I've found love in every word of the comments posted by you. Love's in my joy and my sorrow. Love's in my tears and in my fears.
Love's in going for a long drive at 6:00 AM with all my friends. Love's in the time I've spent with Tunesh, Prince, Saket, Pratish, Neeraj, Kishan, Srishti, Anubha, Divya, Ayush and all my class mates. Love's in spending 100s of bucks for samosa :P Love's in those crazy stupid fights. Love's in the memories of my school life. Love's in being scared of going to college. Love's in making new friends again at college. Love's in bunking classes ;) Love's in Kashyap sir's amazing Math class. Love is in being jealous of the butterflies of our class :P 

Love's meeting Marko for the first time over internet in a dating site at 2 am. Love's talking to him for the whole night. Love's remembering almost every part of that conversation. Love's him gaining importance in my life. Love's telling him that I could never be in love even after knowing that I feel something different for him. Love's being jealous of his best friend. Love's him trusting me. Love's me trusting him. Love's when he fell in love with someone else. Love's me letting him fall in love with that someone. Love's when I told his best friend that I probably had a crush on him.
Love's me pretending to be ok. Love's him knowing that I like him. Love's he coming to me when he broke up. Love's the time when he made me to get MSN and facebook. Love's me and him having webcam chat for the first time. Love's the first word that he had uttered after seeing me.. Love's us doing international texting. Love's when he sang me the "owlcity song(The saltwater room)" Love's declining the fact that I love him. Love's still having the song that he had sung to me. Love's adoring him. Love to me is my best friend. Love's the reason I like owlcity so much. 

Love's me being jealous and heart broken to know he's dating someone else again. Love's when he was cheated and wanted to talk to me. Love's me wasting all my phone credit to get online and cheer him up. Love's knowing that he can never be "in love" with me. Love's lying to myself that we are just best friends. Love's when I text him after being felt up by that creep. Love's him wishing that creep to die. Love's him wanting me to change my room. Love's him disliking my mum for the way she has treated me.
Love's my best friend wanting me to break up with my boyfriend just because I wasn't happy and he was treating me wrong. Love's him not listening to me because best friends never do what you ask them to do. Love's falling in love with someone who lives thousand miles away. Love's being in relationship and still missing my best friend.

Love gave me strength to bring my bestfriend back from coldness(darkness) Love brought us closer. Love tore us apart. Love's the fact that he is my only best friend. Love's the only fact that I'm his only best friend. Love's in writing poems for him(The best poem I've written till now with more than 40 comments was for him). 

Love is the fear of losing my friends. Love is not wanting to go into relationship with my friends. If I go into relationship with you. I'll lose a really good and close friend of mine. The reason why I've been saying "no" and ignoring you is this. I do love you but I cannot be in relationship with you. I know you're reading this. I really love you but as a friend not as a lover. I cannot keep you happy and you cannot keep me happy. Love is all about making each other happy! :)

Love's is an inspiration. Love's everything that I want. Love's making videos for my friends and online friends. Love's the video that I've made for him. Love can make you want to cut your wrist. Love can make you want to end your life. But, love is not a quitter. Love's hope. Love is you fighting reality, love is you fighting for everything. Love is the fact that they are trying to you and Love is you trying to save someone like you ♥ Love is hoping to meet them someday. Love doesn't know distance. Love has always been greater than distance. 

I have really amazing people in my life and I love them all. Despite the distance, Sunakshi di I love you very very much for being my best di(elder sis) ever. Shravan, Tony, Arjun, Raed, Ali, Alan, Jake, Randeep sir :P, Sergi, Hailey, Austin, Darren, Mark, Juan, Priya di, Garima di You all are really amazing..  and I love you guys.. and I'm sorry if I am missing anyone o.o.. You know that I love you :P

 

Secrets, truth and love(Answer of all your questions that you have been asking me) Part-1

So, so, it's been ages since I've written anything personal on this blog.. been writing poems but they never made any sense. And, you all wanted to know that why I write such dark stuffs. Why I've been acting like this since past 2 years. I'm not lying but trust me, I wasn't knowing the answer either but now I know, and I'm not scared to write everything and anything on here. And like most of you have been thinking it since the beginning, it was "Love" 

But, my version of "love" is a little different then yours. For me, love's my childhood memories that makes me smile, love's the sweet feeling that I had when I was in kindergarten and had a friend who used to share chocolates with me, love's when I used to miss him whenever he had missed the school. Love's passing by his old house and hoping to see him coming out of his house even after knowing that he has moved to another place. 

It was love when I used to ask my mom to make me a drawing. Love's my dad picking me and my brother up from the school in his bike and buying us ice cream. Love's good, love's bad. Love's me wishing to disappear when 2 most important people in my life were fighting. Love's growing up. Love's learning. Love's wishing to be Cinderella, Love's having hundreds of ambitions at the age of 11. Love's crushing on my classmate. Love's crying at nights at the thought of your friends leaving the school and especially your crush leaving the school. :P

Love's my pokemon craze that I used to have. Love's aiming to be perfect at something. Love's looking at the childhood pictures. Love's seeing the pictures of my dadu(grandpa) letting me eat the whole chocolates.  Love's me asking my parents to get me a rabbit or parrot again.

Love's the time when I met new people and made new friends, Love's the time when I and mom had tears in our eyes after knowing that dad has got diabetes. Love's when my heart started beating faster to see my senior. Love's me and him staring at each other at his fuel station. Love's me and him parking our scooties together.

Love's him leaving some space at the parking stand so that I could park my scooty right next to his. Love's waiting for him after school. Love's saying everything through eyes. Love's him and I staring at each other from our stalls and a romantic song being played in the background :P Love's seeing him in my dreams! :o

Love's when I got internet connection and I met a few people. Love's the feeling that I had when I met my uncle after 13 years.. Love's me meeting my aunty and my cousins for the first time. Love's me hugging my cousin brother for 1st and last time when he was leaving. Love's me hoping the time to stop. Love's when I missed my closest buddy's birthday for my aunty's surgery. Love's letting my little cousin sister ruin my drawing book.

Love's when my friends became sad to know that I have ovarian tumor(cancer)..(I don't have it btw, it's just a cyst, doctors had some confusion which was sorted out later) Love's when I saw my dad sad. It was love that made my dad sad. I cannot see my dad being sad. I would never like to see him sad ever again,

It was love when my best friend wished to die before me.. Love to me is feeling that something wrong's going to happen. Love's when you get tears in your eyes for no reason and it starts suffocating you. Love's when I wanted to go and visit her in the hospital but my parents didn't let me too 'cause they were too scared about me. Love's when me and other people were praying for her. Love's when we all wanted to give a few days from our life to her. Love's the feeling of relief that we had after knowing that she was recovering. Love's the time when I thought it was a joke when they told me that she had died. 

Love's me trying to cry in the shower. Love's when I cried my eyes out when our school principal started talking about her. Love's the guilt that I still have in my heart. Love's me crying the whole day and not getting out of bedroom and not eating anything at all. It was love of parents when they didn't let me to go to her funeral. It's love which made me think that it was a nightmare. It's love that made me to start disliking myself and my parents.. Love helped me to move on. Love still brings tear in my eyes because I miss her. Love made me to write. Love's made me to create this blog. 

Love made my mom to get mad at me. Yes, it was love when she was yelling at me. Love's the time when she's beating me so that I never choose the wrong path. Love's in spending time with my amazing pals. Love's in getting good marks at exams. Love's in every attachment. Love's in my school, my subject, my friends, my teachers, even in those road crashes that I have survived. Love's in turning 16, love's in writing, Love's in meeting people on here, love made me to try to kill myself, love has saved me..

Love can give you pleasure, love can give you pain.

P.S. It's not complete yet..will be posting the second part soon :)