Pages from her diary

"Sometimes it's so hard to gather all the words that are scattered everywhere inside you. They say, if you need help, talk to someone you trust. The people you trust, take you for granted. They believe that you're gonna stay. They believe that things are not that bad for you. They believe that you're not that sad. They believe that you'll figure out a way just like they did. But they don't know. They don't know and they don't understand that every one is not the same person. Every person has different insecurities and fears. Every person has different sorts of reasons that cause the pain. And right now, I'm starting to believe that I should kill myself so that people can see how sad I am, how much it hurts, how much I hate myself and how difficult this is for me."

"..what's real and what's fake.."

Tangled in cluster of loud thoughts,

Too perplexed to figure anything out.

How can you tell, what's real and what's fake,

When every memory is on the stake?

Finding a way to clear my head,

Keeping myself numb so that I don't cry myself to bed.

For a moment every relation was in my hand,

I tried to hold them but it slipped away like the sand.

I let the world to stab me even when I was awake,

It's not their fault, it's entirely my mistake.

"Taken for granted",

-is something that no one ever has wanted.

 Let's be precise,

In this world of disguise,

How can you tell, what's real and what's fake,

When every every memory is on the stake?

You're not insane,

You're just a little sad.

You're not lazy,

You're just a little lonely.

You're not dead,

You're just a little numb.

You don't want to die,

You just want to be loved.

Yesterday was bad,

But it doesn't matter,

'cause you're alright,

Even after knowing,

Today's going to be worse.

Thoughts

If I let out,

All my thoughts,

On this white sheet,

I'm afraid, I'll freak you out a bit,

In a way or another,

You'll tip-toe around me forever.

These thoughts are too loud,

And also too proud,

Because they make me feel miserable,

And vulnerable.