Trust

Trust is a fragile thing.
Keep it all to yourself.
Don't say anything.
Don't trust anyone.
Don't open up and
Invest yourself.
You get hurt only when,
You invest yourself.
When you trust someone,
And invest yourself,
You give away,
A part of yourself.
They take that part of you,
And forget about it.
Sometimes they burn it,
Down to ashes.
Sometimes they throw it,
On the ground,
Crush it into,
Thousand tiny pieces,
And walk over it,
Like nothing ever existed.

Black and White.

I was supposed to be moving towards the light,
And be like the color, "white".
I was supposed to take in the different shades of life,
And throw away the knife.
But now I'm being pulled by the darkness,
And caught up in life's unavoidable mess.
I'm making cuts on my skin,
And desperately trying to hold back the tears and fake a grin.
When I woke up again today with a massive headache,
I could see everything getting painted black.
I counted the cuts that I made yesterday,
They're twenty-seven but I'm okay.
Apparently none of the cuts were deep enough to paint my skin red
None of them could bleed me out on my parent's bed.

As ridculous and crazy as it sounds

As ridiculous and crazy as it sounds,
I have a weird obsession with sadness.
Black is my color;
Scars are my sign;
Honest are my words,
and silly is my mind.

I don't know where was I going with these thoughts,
and subconsciously untying several knots.
Where am I?
My life is a lie.
What brought me here?
Maybe I am missing someone who is dear.
Who gave me this pen?
I wasn't so miserable back then.
My fate has been tossed,
and I think I'm lost.

A piece of my heart

Let me tell you a story about a boy;
A boy who had beautiful eyes,
And a smile that made my heart ache.
I saw his pictures,
I saw him smiling.
I saw something more,
And it was the pain that he was hiding.
He seemed to be having bad days,
Because he loved someone who didn't love him back.
I wish I could do something to ease the pain.
I couldn't see him hurting,
So, I gave him a piece of my heart,
because he gave his to someone else.
I gave him a piece of my heart,
because he needed it more than I did.
I gave him a piece of my heart 
because he was out of love.
I gave him a piece of my heart
Because maybe I was falling for him.
I gave him a piece of my heart,
because it seemed like the best thing to do, 
I was in love with a boy who loved someone else.

False criminal case.

An innocent soul

-found guilty for something he never did;

-Going through everything,

that's meant for criminal minds;

-Ruined by someone else's evil intentions, power and status,

He's been craving for peace of mind.

-Dettached, alone, broken and unloved,

He's trapped inside the four walls,

-Detoriorating every second of every day

And no one can save him.

He was smiling,

He was laughing;

His eyes were full of dreams.

He never smoked, he never drank;

He never disrespected anyone.

His smile silently whispered,

"I love you and I care."

He gave the best reassuring hugs,

No matter who the person were.

A false criminal case,

and he was gone.

Far away from everyone's reach and sight,

I don't know how he is holding up tonight.

Bring him back the days,

Bring back his smile;

Seeing someone of wonderful dying,

is not something I can enjoy.

I'll do anything to save him,

Even if I have to give away my life.

A world full of pain.

I need a reason to wake up in the morning.

I need a reason to fall asleep at night.

I need a reason to keep on going.

I need a reason to keep on breathing.

Because everything I do, goes in vain.

And I don't know how not notice this world full of pain.

"Another horrible twist.."

I'm full of flaws and may be insecurities,

Trying to straighten out my priorities.

Suffocating myself with thoughts of dying,

I can never ever pass the art of lying.

And today, I've hurt myself again badly,

Knowing that I'll lose everyone who is close to me.

They've picked up on me many times,

They played a vital role in several crimes.

I've been waiting here,

Trying to make my head clear.

Shedding tears in gallon,

Thinking that it wasn't supposed to happen.

I pleaded for death,

And in the mean while I tried to catch my breath.

None of that makes sense.

But, don't name it pretense.

I don't have any reasonable answer,

To any of my recent behavior.

It's hard for me to trust,

This relationship with a layer of dust,

'cause her soul never impressed mine.

No matter how much he tries, my life won't ever fall in line.

There's so much wrong about the person, she pretends to be.

I have a vision of the world, that no one else can see.

It's gonna be another horrible twist,

As I'll watch the bonds, slipping outta' my fist.

I'm trying not to care,

I'm trying not to share.

I'm trying to let it go.

I'm trying to dance with the flow.

Trying not to prepare a list.

But I can't stop thinking that it's gonna be another horrible twist.

Something's wrong tonight.

While I speak to you,
I need you to realize,
That something's wrong tonight,
And I need you to stay by my side.
Sometimes it feels like you've lost all the trust,
And this relation is gonna get covered with a layer of dust.
Please, don't stop talking,
I may start thinking that you've stopped caring.
Thinking about it, makes me cold.
There are too many things untold.
No, this ain't about love.
It's about you and me trying to take on the world.
Before I speak up,
Go for contradiction and shed a tear, please try to cheer me up;
Because there's something really wrong tonight.

P.S. It's been a while since I've used "P.S." o_o So here it is :P Hello. I'm alright. It's a post from the drafts. And, it's not about love trust. Just weird sad feelings. Whatever. Eh. I'll get better. I know. All the posts from drafts just reflect my state of mind and heart at some point of time(December actually)

The girl I used to be 11 years back.

Just once, make me feel like the girl I used to be 11 years back,

Bring back the good feeling and vanish the bad ones.

I know it's too much to ask,

But I just want this war inside my head to end.

I don't want to fake the smile anymore,

Rather I want it to rise from the core.

I don't know how to appreciate life,

I don't know how to love myself right.

None of your words make sense to me,
It's obvious that you can't see what I see.

I'm still looking for a place to hide, a hand to grab,

A shoulder to cry and a face to trust.

Stop questioning my words,

Just make me feel like the girl I used to be 11 years back,

I was terribly happy not being aware of any ache.

No lie, no pain, no insecurity was part of it.

Darkness and shadows remained as the biggest fears 'till the room was lit.

Bruises were the only thing that used to hurt,

No feeling of being unloved and absurd.

No pressure of taking chances,

'cause mum and dad would always make a stand.

Hold my hand, buy me candy floss,

Take me to the park, take me to the swings,

Sit down on the green grass and adore everything I see.

Look at the tall trees and birdies,

Wave good bye to the planes,

And run after it till it goes out of sight.

Take me home when I get tired,

 Just make me feel like the girl I used to be 11 years back.

Misery or just reality?

Something has hit me again,

I still have to figure out what is it,

Misery or just reality.

What was I thinking? 

Where was I standing?

Where am I now?

Plan was to take it slow,

And just go with the flow.

It's insanely foolish to think, 

that our lives will coax.

The one who really cared,

 Has passed away.

Is it bad,
To miss the ones who are dead?
I'm sorry, my intention is not to  make you feel low.
Right now, I just  want to lay here and miss your "new year" show.

"I hope.."

I hope you stay, when I ask you to go.

I hope you pick me up, when I am falling apart.

I hope you guide me, when I get lost.

I hope you tell me "it's okay", when everything goes wrong.

I hope you make me feel better, when I am sick.

I hope you make me smile, when everything in the world is making me cry.

I hope you kiss it all better, when my skies are turning gray.

I hope you keep me in your heart, when I vanish from the world.

Choco's blah blah.

I fake a smile and they think I'm rejoicing. 

I laugh and they think everything is alright.

They'll never know how I survived last night.

I've promised and I'll be trying.

No matter how worse things get, I'll be fighting.

"You have really pretty eyes and an adorable smile, you should smile more often."

Sometimes people forget that the prettiest eyes hide the darkest lies and those eyes have shed more tears than any. Same goes with the smile. The saddest person has the most amazing smile. You know when you look into certain people's eye. You'll find a weird glow. The way they glitter is just amusing sometimes. Well, at least I find it amusing but may be that's what you call "sad eyes"? I have been told that I have "sad eyes" and I have know idea what does it mean but, blah, I don't know.. You just feel like the person is sad or something has been eating them up, you know? Well, I don't really look into people's eye anymore 'cause it makes me feel like they'll know everything that I've been hiding and I'll burst into tears.  

Anyways, ta-daa! I'm still alive. Breathing, smiling, laughing, jumping, dancing and singing too.. xD Just in case you are not aware of the fact that I  am in college now. And I cleared my 1st semester. :) Looking forward to 2nd semester and stuffs. 

I don't know anyone anymore.. They all seem strangers to me. May be I am feeling a bit too alone? I don't want to be an attention seeker by posting this here. I am not okay.. It's been a month now. I can't even concentrate on my studies. I screwed all my exams. My college friends are great but they live really far(literally more than 50 miles away). My best friend lives in Croatia. I don't feel like anyone cares anymore.. Don't think that my best friend cares either.. I am just so stupid. I am crying and typing this over here.. Don't know why? I really miss people who were once with me.. Everyone.. Even the ones I met over internet.. I just feel left out. When internet is your only social life. Things doesn't seem right.. I miss Raed, Juan, Prince, Manish, Saket, Sergi, Jake, Jasmine, Neeraj, Pratish, Srishti, Anubha, Darren, John, Rob, David.. and a lot of people.. Sunakshi di, you'll get mad at me if you read this.. I am sorry.. I'm sorry, I'm hiding stuffs from everyone. I am self harming again. It's going really wrong..

"..your mem'ries.."

Wide awake at sleepy nights,

Your mem'ries left me with misty eyes,

 Love is me, love is you,

The distance between us is never few.

We are meant to be,

May be yes? I can see;

Shadows speak about lonliness,
But your mem'ries bring me solace.

When you smile,
My world stops there for a while.
Your mem'ries give me strength to survive,
Because of you I'm still alive. 

There's a lot of pain deep inside,
There are hundreds of secrets that I'd to hide,
You are not here, you are not near, I cannot reprise;
'cause all I have is your mem'ries.


P.S. umm to be honest, I really didn't like this one :/

This was supposed to be a mushy poem! :( But I wrote about me x_x

awards!! :D

I was awarded by et really long back V_V 

Thanks et ^_^ Sorry I'm posting it now D: I was busy with school stuffs =( 

Ummm I have few awards that I would like give.

Best blog award 

goes to:

Kelvin

Sankoobaba

Sunakshi di

Pramoda di

Leo

Pria

Jingle

Anoop Kr

Shravan 

Dudo

Et 

The adorable blog award

  

goes to:

Ayu

Rabbito bonbon

Tharangini

Hailey 

WarmSunshine

Madhumathi

 Cheryl

Rajlakshmi 

Rhyth

Valli

Neeha

Last but not the least 

The Lovely blog Award 

 goes to:

All my 162 followers ^_^ You guys mean a lot to me. I have learn a lot through your blogs. :3 Thanks for being with me and guiding me. 

"..I miss you more.."

Its been a while since I have cried,

and I've lied,

again that I am fine,

Finally I've found the perfect line.

No enmity,

and a weird sanity in me,

Silence and distance assassinating soul,

More weird to see me, trying to discover a prior role,

Not alone anymore but still I miss you more,

Enchanting memories and primitive theories,

playing with my mind every now and then,

Now I wanna fall asleep and never wake up again.

P.S. Its a sheduled post. I wrote this poem a while back in hostel when I was missing Saket. I even cried and no that fool doesn't know that I cried for him! *sigh*

My existence!!

My heart is still,

drenched in darkness;

when the whole town's been

illuminated,

Tears too are

glittering in my eyes,

Hopes have shattered long ago,

Faith in God has gone,

somewhere; I don't,

Know where am I ?

Now these situations have ,
somehow started questioning,
 my existence!

P.S. wrote this last night! ^_^ sorry and Happy diwali!! (^^,)

from the heart..

Caution: long post ahead!! >.>

After crying for hours, quarelling with friends, making your bestie angry, Life really seems messed up. Being backstabbed again and again really hurts! Yeah I have been backstabbed again.

We are planning for teachers day and things are getting messed up. Difference have been created between the science section and commerce section. For commerce section money and revenge is more important than friendship. I was already knowing that they can never stand for me. I mean nothing to them. I aint their friend but a formality which needs to be done.

I dont know why did I expected them to be nice with me? On 4th of August, Pranay told me that Kritika asked him to tell me that they have found someone else for photography in cheaper rate so I dont have to do anything bout it!! The only main task i was supposed to do was to arrange a photographer.

I was really hurt.. I didnt talk to saket, manish or anyone. I didnt laugh at the jokes. I felt worthless. Next morning, at school.. I didnt feel like doing anything not even to smile. I told everything to Sushma and Simran and then I burst into tears. I asked sushma not to tell anything to anyone not even tunesh.

I was crying really hard. I guess simran told everything to Saket and tunesh and other guys.. Fortunately, there were not much mates in the class. Saket came to me, tried to stop me from crying but I didnt. He went to commerce class and tried to sort out things but like I said money and revenge is much more important for them. They didnt listen to him.

Saket took quite a big decision. He decided that neither he nor anyone from the science section would be a part of teacher's day celebration. They(commerce section) can do whatever they want with the money. I had never thought that Saket would do anything like that nor my friends.

When my classmates came to know about this they were like "Saket, you can be soo nice? Never thought you would be so!!"

Saket I dont know if I would show this post to you or not but thank you so much for whatever you did. :)) You have been really nice to me since you joined the school. Its been only a year and you are one of my best friends. You never yell at me, You dont get mad at me, You have always been the first person to cheer me up whenever I cry and the thing you did yesterday was really sweet. :)) Be like that forever! I dont regret in being a friend of yours. And yeah your an "angel" wearing a mask of devil ! :D

And plz tu komal, Kritika, divya, pooja, yamini jaise logo ko bhav mat dena! tujhe koi achchi ladki nhi mil sakti kya? :O Line marna hai toh achchi ladkiyo ko mara kar!! :o Ha malum hai tu bolega main kisiko line nahi marta par main itni bhi buddhu nahi hu! xP

You are tagged!! D:

Tag by Ayu:

1.) Copy tag to your own notes and start modifying it.

2.) Omit existing answers.

3.) Write your answers and tag as many as you want.[Image]Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real. Nothing made up. If the person before you had the same initial, you MUST have different answers, strictly NO carbon copy in that case. You cannot use any words twice. You cannot use your name for the boy and girl's name questions.

1.) What is your name: Shriti (wierd name.. right?)

2.) A four letter word: sand

3.) A boy's name: Saket (don't ask who?!! :P)

4.) A girl's name: Simmi

5.) An occupation: Shipping!!?

6.) A color: silver

7.) Something you wear: spectacles

8.) A food: Sondesh (o.o)

9.) Something found in the bathroom: Shampoo xD

10.) A country: Singapore

11.) A reason for being late: Sleep

12.) Something you shout: Shut up!!

13.) A movie title: Star struck :P

14.) Something you drink: Sprite

15.) A musical group: Spirit (googled :P)

16.) An animal: Squirrel

17.) A street name: Shubhash nagar

18.) A type of car: Swift? o.O

19.) An internet site/blogsite: songs.pk

20.) A song: "Sajda kiya" from I hate luv storys

21.) A President's name: Spencer churchill

22.) A cartoon character: Spiderman xD

23.) Name of School: St. Xaviers high School

24.) A sport: Soccer

25.) A Latin word: Semper means always, ever.

Another tag by Cheryl:

10 things you dont know about me

1.)I never ever had any boyfriend.

2.) My voice is like that of an eight year old kid!

3.) I have never been in love!

4.) I have been given lots of nicknames. o.o

5.) I easily get scared!!

6.) I hate being moody. :/

7.) I am really really possessive 'bout my friends.

8.) If I dont like anyone then it doesn't mean that i dont want any good for them. I would always like to see them safe.

9.) I am weird. I have more guy "friends" than girls and I trust guys more than the girls 'cause atleast I know that they aren't jealous and they won't backstab me! v.v

10.) I am not at all dominating! o.e

Happy friendship day everyone! ^_^ I am busy. T_T I miss blogging >_<

And yeah you all are tagged!! :D

Has been embracing lonliness,

And darkness for decades;

Finally She got to stay,

in a better place;

Enslaved in this haunted place,

she never felt home but,

She has always wished to dance,

With his prince charm

beneath a twinkling dome..

Tears don't lie but,

they haven't noticed it ever,

A pleasing company made her giggle,

But the sad part is, it didn't last forever!

Tired of staying quiet and bear

all torments;

Those smiling masks had

never noticed her bruises..