"She is dying every second.."

The earth's spinning around;

Things are falling apart,

Lying is turning into art;

What can she do when her lips are sealed and hands are bound?

Life's taking a turn,

Everything's a mess inside,

A carefree person has died;

All she can do is feel it as her soul starts to burn.

A wild scenario making her reckless,

Letting her want to be dead;

How come it's so easy and not so bad?

No one could see it coming, I guess.

Been through almost everything way too before the end;

She can't forget the things done and words said;

Her eyes glitter with tears, making it puffy and red;

Only if you could realize, she is dying every second.

There's so much never ending pain,

She finds beauty in sadness,

She is being consumed by insanity, anxiety and darkness,

To the world, she'll just die in vain.

Roll up the long sleeves of her shirt,

May be you'll see something horrifying and peculiar,

Fresh cuts from previous night or may be some old scars,

She actually thinks that she is some sort of dirt.

It was getting bad again..

And finally when she felt like the past wouldn't chase her down, every single thing started reminding her of the past. It was more like the past started repeating itself. It was getting bad again. She came out of her classroom. She was the only one left inside. All of her classmates were gone. She searched her cellphone in her bag and walked down the stairs. 

It was a really good weather. It was thundering and in no time, it started drizzling. She felt lost in her own college campus. People staring at her made her heart sink. The bad phase was about to begin again. She liked the rain. She thinks rain is sad and beautiful. The sky was crying. It knew, she had to go through it all over again..

I scream and yell at people when I am angry or upset. And when I cannot scream or yell, I start crying, like right now.. I expect a lot from the people I trust. I expect them to at least understand me when no one else does. 

I am the kind of person who can find a thousand reason to kill oneself but can't find a single one to live. I easily feel sad and miserable. Sometimes, I don't want to feel that way so I try seeking help but when I do want to feel the pain, I ruin myself in every possible way. Actually, the pain.. the thoughts, they never stop and it's too much to handle. 

When people ask what's wrong, I don't know where to start from. I am sick and tired of mentioning about it though. I stopped explaining things. Because, it doesn't matter to anyone. And then there are people really close to your heart, hurting you. Making it more harder to breathe, drift from the thoughts and fall asleep.

I just know one thing that I don't deserve to be treated like crap. I never said I would be easy. You've no right to treat me like that.

A long sad story

Not sure if I am glad or just sad that 

You didn't notice I was upset.

I wore a disguise for too long that

It started to itch and suffocate.

Some days I just want to isolate, 

And try to locate,

All the broken pieces.

Some days I just want to be saved,

Loved and protected.

Days passed, memories faded,

But the pain remained.

Why it doesn't get any better,

Why the dead never left a note or letter?

I see things, I understand them,

I keep quiet and never talk about them.

There is so much unusual grief,

Let it go -It's just a long sad story to be brief.

Every single thought, every single feeling and every single word is safer and harmless inside you. You hurt no one and no one hurts you. You just keep it all inside you.

Oh na na, what's the day?

Guess what's the day? :'D IT'S NIDA'S BIRTHDAYYYYY!! AND IT'S PARTY TIME. Nida is one of the most amazing girl and you should know that. She is funny, she is adorable, she is crazy and she is epic. Okay, now you all be nice and friendly and drop a message to my lovely friend. c':

Dear Nida,

First of all, a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you. I love you. I wish if I could do something more than just  typing this for you. Like send you a present or something. You know what, Nida? You are one of the best people I have met online. You are one of the people who makes you want to believe that good people still exists. Although we don't talk everyday, you know I miss you. I bet you get a hint from Raed. You're like a sister to me.You took my side when no one else did. You listened to me whenever I was going through a bad time. You tried to save me. You tried to guide me. And I really appreciate that. I wish I could type all the things I wanted to.

Just know that I love you. You start taking care of yourself because I dunno what I'd without you. I hope we meet someday real soon. Okay I am stopping here 0_0

Love,

Shriti.

Believe it or not, we all have different shades. Sometimes you love yourself. Sometimes you hate yourself. Sometimes you surprise and scare yourself with the things that you do. Sometimes you think that you're fool for doing the foolish things. Sometimes you plan not to do the same foolish things again. Sometimes you end up doing those foolish things again just because you can't say "no" to the fake puppy eyes. Sometimes, you try to keep your distance with everything and everyone and then you let that decision to hurt you. Sometimes you think of forgetting and forgiving so that you can start it all over again. But that doesn't work at all. You end up getting hurt and disappointed again. Ignoring and surviving all of these is hard. Staying alive and keeping a smile is harder. Burden of all these situations and feelings bring you down. Sometimes you need to let it go so that it doesn't consume you, so that you can feel light and rise up again.