I avoid speaking/writing about this as much as I can but sometimes I just can't. So, I'm going to write about me.. about us.. the women. The truth is the world is an unsafe place for women. No matter how old we are, what shape, size, class or color we are, we have to go through this. The sexual harassment. The more I try to run away from my past, the more it starts to haunt me back. 

Let's get straight to the point. Why is it so hard for the men not to sexually harass the women. When will it finally stop?

I know, I'm not going to be an inspiration and the harassment will not stop after writing this post. It'll be just another shout in the void. Sometimes, I wonder if men would stop doing this to us once they knew how it feels like? I don't know. Probably, not. They cannot understand this at all.

Do you know how it makes me feel? Fine. I'll tell you. It makes me wish, I was dead. It makes me want to burn my skin or peel it off because someone touched me without my consent. It makes me sad and angry and gives me another reason to be afraid of all men. I feel so intimidated that I can't even look at their face or directly into their eyes. I've been a victim several times and it feels like it's happening more these days because something happens every other day. It even happened today, a couple of hours ago when I was in the bus, coming back from an open campus drive. I'm already very intimidated by men so if I ever have to sit next to a man in the bus, I make sure that I'm sitting next to decent man but today I was wrong today. Very wrong.

The man sitting next to me, was nudging me with his elbow at the side of my stomach and at first, I just thought that may be his arm was hurting so he was trying move or stretch a bit but it kept happening. I moved away from him but it happened again and again and the nudging became rubbing(I put my arm on my side, hoping it would stop but instead it felt like he was trying to move my hand) so I had to exchange my seat with a guy who was sitting right in front of me. I didn't say ordo a single thing to that asshole and you have no idea how much I hate it. He kept looking at me and I avoided looking at him or in his direction. I wanted to hit him and shove my pen into his eyes. 

I hate it. I hate my life. I know, I shouldn't feel so and not all men are same but if things keep happening to me over and over again. how will I ever feel okay? Honestly, it becomes harder to trust a men when one of your abusers is your own family member. I don't want to live like this.. Please, I beg you, don't do this to us.

I wish things would just stop happening after this. I wish I could make a difference. But life doesn't work like that. I told one of school best friends about it and he said, "Couldn't you chose a better seat?" Now, it's my fault that the man was creepy? Great. You know, this is our society where we blame women who get harassed/abused but we refuse to teach the boys, not to do it. The men won't stop doing it and the women will continue to suffer.

I'm not a mentally strong person. I'm emotionally unstable. My days are either filled with too many highs or too many lows and sometimes I take too long to speak up. As I said before, I know it won't stop so I'm not hoping for it to stop but I'm hoping to get enough courage that I don't take too long to react.

Those three nights

I've been thinking about,

the last three nights that

I spent with you, singing, smiling

and listening to your lovely voice.

The songs that you sang to me

are still stuck in my head.

I think about it every night

while I lay awake in my bed.

I've caught myself smiling while thinking

about those three nights.

But I'm afraid to tell you,

how beautiful those three nights were.

I'm afraid to tell you,

I won't mind staying up all night

to see your face again.

I'm afraid and that's all.

I want to suppress my feelings 

and try to keep a distance,

so you don't hurt me like everyone else

in any way.

Dammit. I have to keep myself occupied

and forget those three nights.

Being gay is not a choice.

You know, I've known and met more gay/lesbian/bisexual/queer/transsexual people. Not in person but online. Many of them are my really good friends. And I know you would say that knowing someone from the internet is a complete different thing. To you, may be it is a different thing but to me it's not.

I was 16 when I came across the word "gay" and actually understand it. There was this guy. He was of 15. We met on this site name "myYearbook"(The site has been shut down) and we became friends after a couple of days. I told him about me and my secrets and he did the same. His biggest secret was that he was bisexual. I've known that person for 3 years now. We have a great time together. My mum knows about him. He is one of the closest friends. And he is amazing. 

He lives in a country where they don't accept gay people. Just like India. He hasn't told his family or friends yet because he is scared and he thinks of killing himself. But I don't let him too. I don't hate him. I love him because he is a wonderful person and believe it or not he has saved my life a lot of times. I bet there are more people like him in India too. It's sad that people think that homosexuality is a disease. It's freaking not. 

Do you have any idea with what they go through? Their thoughts, their fear of coming out to everyone, their feelings of dying, consequences after coming out and everything. Why do you forget that they are human too. Why bully them? Why hate them just because they are bisexual/gay/lesbian/queer/transsexual. 

I remember my mum and I were watching TV. And there was something about gay people I guess it was a episode of "My big decision or something" My mum was saying mean things about transsexual and gay people. Because she didn't know it. And I told her that what she is saying is pointless and mean and it's not their fault. Being gay is not a choice. And transsexual people are those people who never feel right about themselves as in, they feel like they're in wrong body. After explaining her everything. She was quiet and I was proud.

Does anyone remember Harish Iyer from Satyamev Jayate's episode of child sexual abuse? He visited my blog and read my blog post where I mentioned about getting sexually abused. He even offered me help which I denied for own personal reasons. He was so nice that he gave me his number. He is gay, right? He could have ignored me just because I am straight. Like some of you people ignore/hate/disown them just because they're homosexual/Transsexual. But he didn't do it.

The point behind telling you about my stories is that I don't want you to say that I am talking "crap" and I know "nothing". I've met them. I've talked to them. And I don't see any difference. It's not their fault that they are attracted to people of similar sex. They are created that way. They can never be attracted towards someone of opposite sex. By beating them up, disowning them, you cannot make them straight. They won't freaking rape you. They understand that you're straight and they always know that you won't fall in love with them or be attracted towards you. So why can't you just accept who they are?

I've been called gay/bisexual/lesbian. I freaking don't mind it because I don't find it offensive. Not even a single bit. But you button head people out there, stop calling everything and everyone "gay" just because they are bad/lame. If it's bad then say it's bad. If it's lame, just say that it's lame. Some guys marry guys. Some girls marry girls. Get over it.

I guess the basic reason why our society is so messed is the movies. They present it in wrong way most of the times. They do not dress in a girl way or talk like that. Real life is nothing like movies. But I am glad that it's changing a bit. Like this show "Suvreen Guggal: Topper of the year" There is this guy "Zorro". Ever tried to observe his character? That's what reality is. They are scared and broken. Their family disowns them. But they're still happy with their friends and they do anything for them. They may have a crush on you but they won't harm you or rape you because of sexual frustration.

Homophobia is not a fear. You are just an ignorant moron. Try watching documentaries and stuffs about coming out, accepting themselves and transsexualism. It will help you understand them better.

To do the least, don't hate your own brother, your own sister, your own son and daughter, and your own friends just because they came out to you. They are nothing different. They are the same person you've always known. I am really glad that there are people like Josh Hutcherson, Daniel Redcliffe, Anne Hathway and Zayn Malik and others.

I wish we had people like them in India too.

I support LGBTQ rights. And I am proud of it. If you're someone who is Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer, please know that I am here for you. And I support you. Be proud of who you are. 

If you need anymore help, please check out this "List" of NGOs and contact details. There are different NGOs working in India for LGBTQ rights. 

The "Trikone" foundation is one such organisation. Trikone is a registered 501(c)(3) non-profit organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people of South Asian descent. Founded in 1986 in the San Francisco Bay Area, Trikone is the first group of its kind in the world.

You can also contact "Mr. Harish Iyer". He has counselled several young men and women and help them 'come out' and deal with their sexual orientation in a healthy way.

Stay Strong. It's time for them to change.

I do not support gay marriage. I support marriage. And marriage is a union of two people who love each other. Stop bullying them. You will end up killing them.

"This post was written for 'iDiya' contest hosted by 'Indiblogger'"