"..Dysphoria.."

Emptiness choking my breath,

Making me to lean towards death,

Couldn't see anything except the color black,

Always wishing for someone to come back,

Lost in fairy tale which I thought was true,

It's may be pleasing to see the shades of blue.

Was a fool to feel beautiful,

Sanity warned but insanity overruled,

Trust is gone, soul is dead,

I feel no pain even when my cuts bleed.

Being tired of heartaches, I may choose euthanasia,

It's getting hard to have dysphoria. 

"..You always wanted me to die.."

You failed to see my tears,

You ignored all my fears,

You never hugged me tight,

You never said, "I am with you in this fight"

You never listened to my cry
you always wanted me to die.

"Sometimes"

Sometimes it's better,

to keep your pain to yourself,

Sometimes it's better, 

not to turn the pages from the past,

Sometimes it's better,

to stay quiet and wait,

for fate to show its charm,

Sometimes it's better, 

to change yourself for someone else. 

"This fairytale has no happy end.."

Long lost in fairytale,

She now has no where to run, no where to hide,
But she shall abide,

because she still has a heart of a child.


Insomnia kisses her every night,
Love makes her win all the fights,
No matter where he is,
No matter where lives


Her love would say,
Enchanting thoughts drifting away.
Fleeting words now make no sense.
She is numb, she is lost.

One thousand souls around her don't moan,
But she is still alone.
Neither her prince charm came,
Nor her friends are same.

This fairytale has no happy thought,
'cause she is tangled within the knot,
This fairytale has no happy end,
'till she learns to bend.

P.S. You know I hate hurting people. I am sick and tired of it. I try my best not to hurt them.. One year and 3 months of friendship but he still doesn't understand me and neither do I. I am the lamest person one can ever have in their life. I can never be happy nor I can make anyone. I am just so stupid, it's his birthday in 17 days and just like last year I have hurt him. I feel like I have come back again to the same time where I was all alone, where I wasn't knowing anyone. The only difference is that now I have no real life friends.