5 seconds of insanity

I never thought of talking to him before until one day when my friends made me add him on facebook. You can call it 5 seconds of insanity that I went on his profile and clicked on "Add friend" and the fear crawled up with thousands of "what if" questions. I canceled the request. In no time, I got a friend request. It was him. I accepted the friend request and logged out. I couldn't stop thinking about what I just did. 

30 minutes later, it was 1:20 AM now, I decided to login again. I had a message notification and it was from him but he wasn't online.

"Hi"
"Hi! Sorry, my internet stopped working."

About a minute later, he was online again.

"That's okay. It's good to finally talk to you." 
Jesus Christ! I'm finally talking to him. "Ah, same here.", I replied.

"How come you messaged me today?"
Gah, how do I tell him that I added him but freaked out? "Actually, You were on the suggestion lists on my FB sidebar. We have mutual friends so I wanted to click on the mutual friends list but I accidentally clicked on 'Add friend' and then freaked out thinking maybe you wouldn't like it so I cancelled it."

"Oh. And I thought that you searched for my profile and then added me but I guess I wrong.. This was accidental.. :("
"No, no. I just.. I didn't know your real name. Everyone calls you by your nickname. If I knew your real name, I would have added you..", I lied.

"Ah so you recognized me by my face.. my profile picture?"
"Yes."

"Like, 'Ah he looks like an idiot. It must be him.'"
"Omg, no."

"Aahahaha, I'm kidding. Why were you so scared in the first place? Why wouldn't I like it if you added me? Thank God, I was messing with my phone and was logged in or else I would have missed this chance"
"Haha, I'm glad too. :)"

"I'm so happy to talk to you. I've always wanted to talk to you. I tried several times but couldn't pick up the courage."  
Ehhh. Is this really happening? "I've always wanted to talk to you as well, but most of the times you looked angry and I thought maybe you don't like me and that's why I freaked out and canceled the request."

"Even if I looked angry, I wasn't angry at you.. and why would I dislike you? You're so sweet and beautiful. I really like you."
I couldn't stop smiling. I replied, "I like you too. :) :)"

We stayed up the entire night and talked. It was the best night of 2015. Everything changed after that night.

2015

The only thing that's going to change with the year 2015 is the calendar. Nothing else. Everything and everyone will remain the same. You and I? We are going to be the same. 

I'm definitely over this.  I don't have any expectation because expectation leads to disappointment. I learned a lot of things in the past year. I learned that it's okay to let go. I learned that growing up means being true to yourself. Whatever you feel, whatever you like, accept it. But one thing I didn't learn is to like or love myself. I hate myself the most and that makes me my own bully but let's not talk about it. Maybe 2015 is going to be better or worse or just be the same as 2014. 

It was a bad year for most of us, some lost families, some lost love, some lost friends. And the saddening thing is that most number of people have died this year. I didn't think I'd make it to 2015 but I did. I made it to 2015, thanks to all the love and prayers that I received. I really want to thank them all for being in my life. I broke my ties with some people and I mended some with the others. I didn't speak to some people but I missed them. I missed some people but I didn't speak to them. I came to the realization that life is actually very very short. There's no point of grieving for too long but also there's no point of bottling up the feelings. There's no point of tearing up your wishlist for other if they don't make you happy. 

It's like when you're younger, you make up plans and you dream of big things to accomplish someday and then one day, you're 21 and you realize that the "someday" is supposed to be today but you haven't done anything yet and you already have the responsibility that you never wanted in the first place, not so soon at least. Ask yourself, have you lived your life? Have you been happy? Do you do things that make you happy or makes you feel alive? Have you fallen in love? Have you accepted your feelings for the person you actually love? When are you going to tell them that you love them? You don't have time. It's slipping out of your hands. You need to start living for yourself. You need to do what makes you happy. Just do it. Don't think too much of the consequence. That's the only way to live.

I realized this a few weeks ago and I decided to live my life as much as I can but I won't run away from my responsibilities for that. Hopefully I'll continue living like this in the next year and hopefully I'll grow. I really pray 2015 doesn't disappoint the ones who are expecting something from it.

Love

You’re insane if you love someone more than they love you. 

You’re insane if you are looking for love at the wrong places.
You’re insane if someone loves you but you don’t appreciate it.
You’re insane if you can’t feel anyone’s love for you at all. 
You’re insane if you don’t love anyone at all. 
You’re insane if you think you can’t be loved.
You’re insane if you just love the idea of someone.
You’re insane if you can’t tell whether you really love someone or just the idea of them.
But it’s okay. Love makes us all insane.

He loves me.

"It's weird when friends get into relationship, no?", I typed out on my phone and sent it to him on whatsapp. It was 12:30 AM here in India and 10 PM in his country. We have two and half hours time difference. I know him since 2009, we have been friends ever since then. I tell him everything and he tells me most of the things that he wants me to know. I can't stand a single minute without talking to him. When we're not talking, he is always in my head. I miss him. I know that he probably doesn't miss me this much or he doesn't like me as much as I like him but it doesn't matter.

He was online so he replied as soon as he saw the text, "Yeah.".

"What would you do if I got into a relationship?"

"I'd be like "We had something special :(" XD. If you gave me some time, I wouldn't mind it. If you ignored me I'd be all :("

"Well, I can only be in relationship if boys like Park exists." I replied, referring to the character Park of the book Eleanor & Park. God, I love Park. Guys like Park need to exists in real life. Rainbow Rowell did a fantastic job with her book. I love it so much.

"And, I can be in a relationship if I change my personality."

"Nah, your personality is fine. I like it." I replied. A second later, I added, "But  we can't date because we fight a lot."

"Fight-zoned :c", he replied.

"Hahaha, omg I just fight-zoned you. xD"

"you will regret it D': xD" before I could reply, he added, "Bbz will u love me 4evr?"

Was it the first time that we were playing along and talking about being together? No it wasn't.

I took a while before typing, "I don't wanna regret, let's date D:"

"Long distance doesn't work.. 0_0" He replied in no time and added, "Maybe when we're 26 and independent, it'll be good"

I wasn't sure if he was serious or playing along, so, I hesitated before replying, "What if it still remains long distance? What if I got married because of some family reasons or something? What if you started dating Jay."

"Nah, don't get married. Runaway.", he replied back and added "Nah doubt it. She has too many options"

"You do too and run where?", I replied.

"Save up and run away to Mumbai then run out of the country" and added, "Nah I don't have"

"You do"

"Really, I am disliked. 0_0"

"No. Liar. Everyone goes like 'omg, he is so cute' when they see you."

"No really. :/ You don't know what it's like.."

"I don't know what?"

"To be me.."

"Every girl from my college who has seen your picture thinks that you are extremely cute."

"Well, just your college :("

"You look great. You need to stop overthinking every time a jerk treats you badly because they are jealous of you."

He didn't reply. I had questions in my head. Was he serious? Does he like me? What was this? Why did we talk about it? I was still waiting for his reply so I could ask him those questions. I needed to know the answers. I thought that maybe his family was around or he was doing something else. So I asked him, "What are you doing? I need to ask you something."

He replied five minutes later. "Yea, ask?"

"Were you joking/just saying about the dating when I said, 'I don't wanna regret, let's date' or was it real?"

"A bit of both."

"Both? How?"

"I really don't know tbh ._."

Damnit. I thought and replied, "So you were just saying."

"Not rly"

"Then?"

"I don't know as I said. 0_0. Were you joking?"

"How can you not know? 0_0  and I asked first 0_0 I need to know or I won't sleep." Well blackmailing always works and it did again.

"I really don't. It was like 65% serious 35% joke. Like.."

"Like?", I replied three minutes later.

Two minutes later, he sent, "I was like it's not like I wouldn't want to date. But if the conditions were favorable then yes. But it's not like 'NOO NEVER'. Get it?"

Nope, I didn't get it. "Okay, yea."

"Cuz we are soooo far away and neither of us are ready. But if we were close and were ready then why not, y'know? Sorry for making it awkward. And close like able to travel.."

"Shit.", I thought. 

Should I ask him, why would he want to date me? I'm an abusive friend and probably be an abusive girlfriend to him. And he knows that he deserves better.

I stared at my phone screen. Watched his status going from "online" to "last seen" and "last seen" to back "online" again. Eight minutes later. It was 1:38 AM now. My head felt heavier. I felt happy and sad both and I didn't know why. I sent, "Why would you date me? Why not other girls? Why me? I'm depressed and paranoid and suicidal.. "

The chat status was now, "typing..". I waited and felt my heart racing. I was ready to be disappointed again but still secretly hoping for him to say something like Park did to Eleanor. God, I was going to cry.

"Because, you're an idiot. And you're beautiful. Inside and out. And I know that you don't believe me but it's true. It sucks that you don't know it. I miss you when we are not talking and I love when we talk or when we skype. I love your eyes and your smile. I wish I could see them, I wish I could see you. I want to hug you and do things together with you. I hate it when you get a crush on jerk guys and when they break your heart. I hate it when your parents are mean to you. I hate it when your filthyhead brother does things to you. I want to kill him for touching you, damaging you. I hate to hurt you. I hate that I can't make you happy. I want you to be happy.. I want you to live. I want to save you. I want to love you... I want you."

I was smiling and I had tears in my eyes. I couldn't believe that he said all of it. It felt beautiful, so fucking beautiful that it hurt. But this pain didn't make me want to kill myself. This pain made me want to live. And for the first time in 4 years, I wanted to live. I questioned myself, "Isn't it what I wanted? Isn't it what I wished for?" And, Yes, it was. 

His chat status was again changing from "last seen" to "online" and "online" to "last seen". I kept rereading the text that he sent. I tried to fathom my words into a sentence but I couldn't. 

At 1:43 AM, I finally replied.

"Listen.."

"Yea?"

"I love you."

":) I love you too"

"I should sleep now. It's late"

"Yea.."

"Good night."

"Good night. :) Sleep well, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

":)"

We humans are the biggest liars and hypocrites when it comes to accepting our feelings. When we try to befriend a person online, we convince ourselves that the person is real but when we start to fall in love with the same person, we start convincing ourselves that it's not real. Nothing about the person, or the feeling is real. 

It hurts

It hurts that you don't know.
It hurts that I've done it again,
And already falling for you every second.
It hurts that you like me
but you don't love me.
It hurts that you like my eyes and smile
but it's not something that makes you happy.
It hurts that I'm thinking about you so much 
these days and you have no idea about it.

Free

I want to be free.

In the most innocent yet wildest sense,

I want to be free.

I don't want to be bound,

By complicated relationships, absurd life goals, 

Or any haunting past memories,

That does nothing but makes me more insane,

With every passing second.

I want to be free.

Like the deep oceans and the cold night wind,

I want to be free.

I want to sing, dance and feel infinity.

And as crazy as it sounds,

I want to burn my body down,

And rise again from the ground.

I want to be free.

I want to break free from this skin;

Break free from the emptiness and numbness both at once;

Break free from the pain and depression,

That controlled my life for all these years.

I want to be free.

Free like a shooting star, 

Escaping the darkness of the night.

Free like a soaring kite, 

Playing hide and seek with the clouds in the sky.

Do you?

Do you smile or grimace,

when you see my name flashing, 

on your phone screen?

Do you think about me,

as much as I think about you,

when I wake up and fall back asleep?

Do you like my company,

or wish to be left alone,

when things start to fall apart?

Do you find me,

annoying or wonderful when,

I tell you about my day?

Do you miss me,

when we are not talking?

Do you wish we could be something, 
more than what we are now?
Do you wish we lived closer,
so we could know each better?

Not enough.

She is that wounded person,

who has been trying, 

to protect and fix, 

everything for everyone;

because she knows,

how it feels when everything,

falls apart.

But that's not enough.

She is being their warm, 

and safe duvet trying ,

to put everyone back to sleep; 

keeping them from, 

screaming in horror,

while the monsters of the night,

fill the room with,

chilled daunting aura.

But that's not enough.

She holds their hand when,

they decide to start all over again. 

But that's not enough. 

She has been taking, 

their cuts and scratches, 

and sucking up the poison, 

but that's not enough. 

Nothing she does is enough. 

Someone make her stop.

Life is too short to live for, 

someone who doesn't care.

She is running out strength. 

She is running out of hope.

She is running out of love. 

She is running out of air.

She can't do it anymore,

Someone do her a favor,

Give her back her smile,

and bring her back to her life.

Love.

I  wonder  how                    it feels to love 
someone     and   to  be          loved by   them   back. 

I wonder how you can  love    someone so much that you
can't  imagine a second without  them. I wonder how love can 
make  someone  to give up  everything   for  that one person.

I wonder how  love can  make  this world a  beautiful place 
to    live. I   wonder how   just one   person  can make you 
feel    so wonderful       and   complete  when   you are 
with    them.   I   wonder         how  lovers  feel.  I 
wonder    if     I'd    able  to    love  someone

enough    to   feel    all  of      those 
things. I  wonder  if    I'll ever 
meet someone who will
  love  me that much 

and more.
-S.M.

Trust

Trust is a fragile thing.
Keep it all to yourself.
Don't say anything.
Don't trust anyone.
Don't open up and
Invest yourself.
You get hurt only when,
You invest yourself.
When you trust someone,
And invest yourself,
You give away,
A part of yourself.
They take that part of you,
And forget about it.
Sometimes they burn it,
Down to ashes.
Sometimes they throw it,
On the ground,
Crush it into,
Thousand tiny pieces,
And walk over it,
Like nothing ever existed.

Old conversation

The old conversation is something 

that I keep close to my heart.

It reminds me of your kindness,

the humble being that you were to me.

It reminds me that you did care,

when you wrote those words.

It keeps me from hating you.

Mandatory Love post because Valentine's!

I always say that I fall in love with a lot of people and get attached to them easily. When I speak of love or try to express love/affection.. It’s always considered as the “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” kind of love.. which is lame at times idk. If I tell you that I love you even though I don’t know you nicely or haven't even met in person then I just love you. I don’t have a particular reason. I love your existence. I love your face. I love your smile. I love that you text me first. I love it that whenever you see dahi vada or chocolates, you think of me. I love that you make me smile. I love that you make me feel better. I love that we hang out together. I love that we are friends. I may or may not love everything about you. I will love you forever or may be less than forever. If I love you then I obviously want you to be happy. It doesn't matter if you’re a friend or someone I like or someone I haven't even met and it also doesn’t matter that I do not exist in your definition of “love” or “happiness” because I do not matter but you do and I love you.

A piece of my heart

Let me tell you a story about a boy;
A boy who had beautiful eyes,
And a smile that made my heart ache.
I saw his pictures,
I saw him smiling.
I saw something more,
And it was the pain that he was hiding.
He seemed to be having bad days,
Because he loved someone who didn't love him back.
I wish I could do something to ease the pain.
I couldn't see him hurting,
So, I gave him a piece of my heart,
because he gave his to someone else.
I gave him a piece of my heart,
because he needed it more than I did.
I gave him a piece of my heart 
because he was out of love.
I gave him a piece of my heart
Because maybe I was falling for him.
I gave him a piece of my heart,
because it seemed like the best thing to do, 
I was in love with a boy who loved someone else.

The problem with me

The problem with me is that

I keep asking too many questions,

And I keep looking for the reasons.

"Don't you know that I miss you?"

"Why did you leave me?"

"Why did you stop talking to me?"

"Why did you choose someone else over me?"

"What was it?"

"Was it something that I did?"

Or may be the problem with me is that

I blame it all on myself.

"I am too ugly."

"I am too clingy."

"I care too much."

"I am so annoying."

No wait,

May be the problem with me is that

I still think you care.

I still think you're a nice person

I still think you miss me.

I still think those words cannot be a lie.

And those actions cannot be just pretense.

You must have felt something inside your heart, at least once?

What am I saying?

It cannot be that.

No, not at all.

The only problem with me is that,

I just expect too much.

Mandatory New Year Post.

I realized that I haven't made any new year post yet.  I'm 13 days late but I hope it's okay. I wasn't excited about this new year crap because for me it was just a change of day. I didn't make resolutions. I didn't do the overrated "new year, new life, new me" thingy because everything was the same. 

I would write a lot about 2013 but I don't remember much of it right now. Probably because of the exams. I'm so glad that 5th semester has finally ended because I was so annoyed of studying every now and then for tests and exams. I don't want to study now and I wish semester break was longer but it isn't. I would have written this new year post on 1st January but I was busy with exams. Well anyways, I'm pretty sure that not a lot of people wanna about my exams.

2013 was pretty weird. I didn't get mad at people like I used to. I ruined a friendship then fixed it, then ruined it again and now trying to fix it again. I stood silently in a corner as I watched my self esteem going down and then with time I build it up again on my own. I started liking/respecting the people I disliked and started disliking the ones I liked.

When my world seemed to be going up side down, a stranger knocked on my door and helped me see a different prespective of life. He is not my friend. I don't talk to him all the time. I haven't told him "everything" about my life. I don't even tell him about my problems but he still manages to make me feel better and show me the right path. He is a dreamer. I'm a dreamer. And may be that's why he knows.

My best friend has done a lot for me as well. Despite the distance, he has pretty much tried his best to be there for me. I gave him a hard time. I promised that I'd try my best not to repeat the same mistakes again. I also realized that I'm pretty much lost without him. I have chosen him. I can't trust anyone else even if I try to.

I voted this year. I showed interest in politics. I stood up against bullies for others, I stood first in the I.T. branch of my college(although this was the first time I ever got the first position in anything). I saved a life. I stood up for the LGBTQ community. I met a heck lot of new great people on twitter too. I think I can officially use "I have a lot of online friends" meme. Hold on a sec..

There you go. :')

Oh and you know, after a long time, I developed a strong crush on a person and he liked me too but sadly he lives 7000 miles away. I wish I could talk more to him but it's okay. I also met an actual real person who liked me, who teased me, who seemed interested. And this person has actually seen me the way I was, he has heard my voice, he has heard my laugh, he has seen me trying hard not to smile or blush, he has seen me in my good moods and bad moods. He just liked me. I'm not saying that I liked him too but it makes me feel better about myself.. Like WOW THERE'S A PERSON WHO LIKED ME FOR ME!!

In other news, I got recognized by others for my work. My blog, my doodles, my photography(I'm not too good), my academic achievements and other stuffs. That makes me feel better. This blog is no more a secret because a lot of people from my college read it. So I cannot really mention names here! 

Bad stuffs happened too, like my friends ending up in jail(they got bail too), my family being broke, and my parents' constant fights, pressure to perform best etc. 2013 wasn't a great year but I still have no complaints because I have a bad memory and I don't remember a lot of stuffs and most importantly, thinking about hurtful past is only going to hurt you! :P

Anyways, I hope you all have a great 2014 :)

"There's someone.."

I know you've been hurt,
burned and scared.
I know it's hard to breathe,
and see her fine,
while you're trying not to end your life.
There's someone who wants to make it all better.
For a while, just close your beautiful blue-gray eyes,
Let the tears roll down your pale cheeks,
Block the destructive thoughts,
Tell your soul, "It's not over yet".
There's someone who is hurting to see you hurt.
Quit calling yourself a coward,
Crying a little won't make you any smaller,
Living with the pain only makes you stronger.
Scream and let the pain leave your sunken chest.
There's someone who still cares despite the distance.
Let them in, 
Let them take away the pain.
Trust me, it'll all be worth it in the end.

"..what's real and what's fake.."

Tangled in cluster of loud thoughts,

Too perplexed to figure anything out.

How can you tell, what's real and what's fake,

When every memory is on the stake?

Finding a way to clear my head,

Keeping myself numb so that I don't cry myself to bed.

For a moment every relation was in my hand,

I tried to hold them but it slipped away like the sand.

I let the world to stab me even when I was awake,

It's not their fault, it's entirely my mistake.

"Taken for granted",

-is something that no one ever has wanted.

 Let's be precise,

In this world of disguise,

How can you tell, what's real and what's fake,

When every every memory is on the stake?

Being gay is not a choice.

You know, I've known and met more gay/lesbian/bisexual/queer/transsexual people. Not in person but online. Many of them are my really good friends. And I know you would say that knowing someone from the internet is a complete different thing. To you, may be it is a different thing but to me it's not.

I was 16 when I came across the word "gay" and actually understand it. There was this guy. He was of 15. We met on this site name "myYearbook"(The site has been shut down) and we became friends after a couple of days. I told him about me and my secrets and he did the same. His biggest secret was that he was bisexual. I've known that person for 3 years now. We have a great time together. My mum knows about him. He is one of the closest friends. And he is amazing. 

He lives in a country where they don't accept gay people. Just like India. He hasn't told his family or friends yet because he is scared and he thinks of killing himself. But I don't let him too. I don't hate him. I love him because he is a wonderful person and believe it or not he has saved my life a lot of times. I bet there are more people like him in India too. It's sad that people think that homosexuality is a disease. It's freaking not. 

Do you have any idea with what they go through? Their thoughts, their fear of coming out to everyone, their feelings of dying, consequences after coming out and everything. Why do you forget that they are human too. Why bully them? Why hate them just because they are bisexual/gay/lesbian/queer/transsexual. 

I remember my mum and I were watching TV. And there was something about gay people I guess it was a episode of "My big decision or something" My mum was saying mean things about transsexual and gay people. Because she didn't know it. And I told her that what she is saying is pointless and mean and it's not their fault. Being gay is not a choice. And transsexual people are those people who never feel right about themselves as in, they feel like they're in wrong body. After explaining her everything. She was quiet and I was proud.

Does anyone remember Harish Iyer from Satyamev Jayate's episode of child sexual abuse? He visited my blog and read my blog post where I mentioned about getting sexually abused. He even offered me help which I denied for own personal reasons. He was so nice that he gave me his number. He is gay, right? He could have ignored me just because I am straight. Like some of you people ignore/hate/disown them just because they're homosexual/Transsexual. But he didn't do it.

The point behind telling you about my stories is that I don't want you to say that I am talking "crap" and I know "nothing". I've met them. I've talked to them. And I don't see any difference. It's not their fault that they are attracted to people of similar sex. They are created that way. They can never be attracted towards someone of opposite sex. By beating them up, disowning them, you cannot make them straight. They won't freaking rape you. They understand that you're straight and they always know that you won't fall in love with them or be attracted towards you. So why can't you just accept who they are?

I've been called gay/bisexual/lesbian. I freaking don't mind it because I don't find it offensive. Not even a single bit. But you button head people out there, stop calling everything and everyone "gay" just because they are bad/lame. If it's bad then say it's bad. If it's lame, just say that it's lame. Some guys marry guys. Some girls marry girls. Get over it.

I guess the basic reason why our society is so messed is the movies. They present it in wrong way most of the times. They do not dress in a girl way or talk like that. Real life is nothing like movies. But I am glad that it's changing a bit. Like this show "Suvreen Guggal: Topper of the year" There is this guy "Zorro". Ever tried to observe his character? That's what reality is. They are scared and broken. Their family disowns them. But they're still happy with their friends and they do anything for them. They may have a crush on you but they won't harm you or rape you because of sexual frustration.

Homophobia is not a fear. You are just an ignorant moron. Try watching documentaries and stuffs about coming out, accepting themselves and transsexualism. It will help you understand them better.

To do the least, don't hate your own brother, your own sister, your own son and daughter, and your own friends just because they came out to you. They are nothing different. They are the same person you've always known. I am really glad that there are people like Josh Hutcherson, Daniel Redcliffe, Anne Hathway and Zayn Malik and others.

I wish we had people like them in India too.

I support LGBTQ rights. And I am proud of it. If you're someone who is Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer, please know that I am here for you. And I support you. Be proud of who you are. 

If you need anymore help, please check out this "List" of NGOs and contact details. There are different NGOs working in India for LGBTQ rights. 

The "Trikone" foundation is one such organisation. Trikone is a registered 501(c)(3) non-profit organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people of South Asian descent. Founded in 1986 in the San Francisco Bay Area, Trikone is the first group of its kind in the world.

You can also contact "Mr. Harish Iyer". He has counselled several young men and women and help them 'come out' and deal with their sexual orientation in a healthy way.

Stay Strong. It's time for them to change.

I do not support gay marriage. I support marriage. And marriage is a union of two people who love each other. Stop bullying them. You will end up killing them.

"This post was written for 'iDiya' contest hosted by 'Indiblogger'"

Oh na na, what's the day?

Guess what's the day? :'D IT'S NIDA'S BIRTHDAYYYYY!! AND IT'S PARTY TIME. Nida is one of the most amazing girl and you should know that. She is funny, she is adorable, she is crazy and she is epic. Okay, now you all be nice and friendly and drop a message to my lovely friend. c':

Dear Nida,

First of all, a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you. I love you. I wish if I could do something more than just  typing this for you. Like send you a present or something. You know what, Nida? You are one of the best people I have met online. You are one of the people who makes you want to believe that good people still exists. Although we don't talk everyday, you know I miss you. I bet you get a hint from Raed. You're like a sister to me.You took my side when no one else did. You listened to me whenever I was going through a bad time. You tried to save me. You tried to guide me. And I really appreciate that. I wish I could type all the things I wanted to.

Just know that I love you. You start taking care of yourself because I dunno what I'd without you. I hope we meet someday real soon. Okay I am stopping here 0_0

Love,

Shriti.