Cricket Chaos

I don't think I will ever understand how people can be so stupid. I don't ever write about these things on my blog but I just couldn't keep myself from writing about it. Why didn't people trend Yuvi's name when we were winning the world cup matches without him in the team? Why no one missed him then? Yuvi is certainly an amazing and yes, he was the man of the tournament in the last world cup but he wasn't the only one playing. There were 14 other members who were in 2011 world cup  squad. 

Yes, Yuvi wasn't in the team this time. No offence but then Sachin, Sehwag, Gautam, Yusuf, Zahir and others were not in the team either. They were the part of the same team who won the world cup.

"Agar Yuvi rehta toh hum jeet jaate" Seriously? Okay yeah, maybe we could have won the match or maybe not. But here is the truth, we won 7 consecutive world cup matches without him and rest of the other squad members of 2011 world cup. We could have won this one too without him but we are all missing an important point here. Team Australia. The team which played better than us. We didn't lose because Yuvi wasn't in the team or because Anushka was there at the stadium. We lost it because Australia played better than us. That's the only reason.

Stop hating Anushka, Dhoni, Virat and rest of the other members. You think Dhoni didn't give his best? Think again. The man lead the team and made us win seven consecutive world cup matches. He didn't fly back to India on her daughter's birth. He played selflessly. He is an amazing player. Entire Team India did an amazing job at Australia. They are all  amazing players and they did their best. We gave it back but we can get it back again next time. Have faith in team India. Stop hating.

I avoid speaking/writing about this as much as I can but sometimes I just can't. So, I'm going to write about me.. about us.. the women. The truth is the world is an unsafe place for women. No matter how old we are, what shape, size, class or color we are, we have to go through this. The sexual harassment. The more I try to run away from my past, the more it starts to haunt me back. 

Let's get straight to the point. Why is it so hard for the men not to sexually harass the women. When will it finally stop?

I know, I'm not going to be an inspiration and the harassment will not stop after writing this post. It'll be just another shout in the void. Sometimes, I wonder if men would stop doing this to us once they knew how it feels like? I don't know. Probably, not. They cannot understand this at all.

Do you know how it makes me feel? Fine. I'll tell you. It makes me wish, I was dead. It makes me want to burn my skin or peel it off because someone touched me without my consent. It makes me sad and angry and gives me another reason to be afraid of all men. I feel so intimidated that I can't even look at their face or directly into their eyes. I've been a victim several times and it feels like it's happening more these days because something happens every other day. It even happened today, a couple of hours ago when I was in the bus, coming back from an open campus drive. I'm already very intimidated by men so if I ever have to sit next to a man in the bus, I make sure that I'm sitting next to decent man but today I was wrong today. Very wrong.

The man sitting next to me, was nudging me with his elbow at the side of my stomach and at first, I just thought that may be his arm was hurting so he was trying move or stretch a bit but it kept happening. I moved away from him but it happened again and again and the nudging became rubbing(I put my arm on my side, hoping it would stop but instead it felt like he was trying to move my hand) so I had to exchange my seat with a guy who was sitting right in front of me. I didn't say ordo a single thing to that asshole and you have no idea how much I hate it. He kept looking at me and I avoided looking at him or in his direction. I wanted to hit him and shove my pen into his eyes. 

I hate it. I hate my life. I know, I shouldn't feel so and not all men are same but if things keep happening to me over and over again. how will I ever feel okay? Honestly, it becomes harder to trust a men when one of your abusers is your own family member. I don't want to live like this.. Please, I beg you, don't do this to us.

I wish things would just stop happening after this. I wish I could make a difference. But life doesn't work like that. I told one of school best friends about it and he said, "Couldn't you chose a better seat?" Now, it's my fault that the man was creepy? Great. You know, this is our society where we blame women who get harassed/abused but we refuse to teach the boys, not to do it. The men won't stop doing it and the women will continue to suffer.

I'm not a mentally strong person. I'm emotionally unstable. My days are either filled with too many highs or too many lows and sometimes I take too long to speak up. As I said before, I know it won't stop so I'm not hoping for it to stop but I'm hoping to get enough courage that I don't take too long to react.

We humans are the biggest liars and hypocrites when it comes to accepting our feelings. When we try to befriend a person online, we convince ourselves that the person is real but when we start to fall in love with the same person, we start convincing ourselves that it's not real. Nothing about the person, or the feeling is real. 

Last Notes!

Letter #1

Dear Mum and Dad,

I’m sorry I am dead. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy and proud before dying. Today when you left, I found out your son has been filming me secretly. I don’t know for how long he had been doing that. I found five videos of me sleeping, on his laptop. He may have also filmed me while I was changing my clothes. I couldn't find more videos. His laptop’s camera was on and it was facing my bed when I decided to check his laptop to see if he was spying on me again and yes he was. He has done that before too. He had taken my half naked pictures before. I wish you had done something when I told you that he used to grope me in my sleep. That happened for a year and now this. I don’t know what to do. I don't even feel like a person anymore. I just feel like a cheap sex toy. First molestation, then taking my inappropriate pictures and now secretly filming me while I sleep. The only thing that is left is finding those pictures and videos on the internet in a porn site. I know, you love your son but he makes me sick. I was thinking of forgiving him and moving on but I cannot. I cannot live in the same room with him. I deleted the videos. I think he has more of it but I can’t find them. He has given me a wound that doesn't heal and a scar that's gonna remain forever if I stayed alive. I’m sorry that this is all in English but I suck at speaking/writing Hindi. I love you both a lot. Please know that. And I’m sorry I’m being selfish but I want to bleed out right now.

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Letter #2

Dear Diyanah,

I hope you're alright babe. I hope you get enough strength to face the problems. I hope you find someone who gives you unconditional love. Someone who makes you feel beautiful. I don't have much to say. Thanks for being there for me and listening to all of my rants. I'm sorry I'm leaving. I still remember the last words that you said to me. You are beautiful and you deserve better. I want you to get better and live. I love you. 

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Letter #3

Dear Marko,

There's this huge conversation gap between us and I didn't get enough time to fix it. I actually felt tired all the time and I couldn't do that. I caused you a lot of troubles when we were closer. I hope you get to move out and live your dreams. I'm probably dead by now. Please don't do this to yourself as well, okay? It will get better. Take care of Raed and yourself of course. I love you. 

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Letter #4

Dear Tony,

I'm sorry about my messy head. I never got a chance to apologize nicely. You are a great person. You did make an impact in my life. And dude, for one last time, I need you to know that I'm not in parasocial relationship with you. I did have a crush on you but I don't even think about you anymore. More than being your lover, I wanted to be your friend. Thanks for making me feel better in my bad days. I hope you find love. Don't kill yourself. I love you.

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Letter #5

Dear Juan,

Goddammit you said you'd post a new selfie! You haven't yet. And now I'm dead. Bummer. I'm pretty sure you're a 50 year old man! :O Nah, just Kidding. I am sorry I didn't tell you a lot of things. I didn't want to scare you away I guess. Apparently, I'm one of those suicidal freaks, huh? Miss me, Juan. I love you. Fix your sleeping schedule mister! xD

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Letter #6

Dear Meraz,

Sorry. I should have told you. I don't know what greatness you see in me. I'm thankful for having a friend like you. Thanks for saving me. Thanks for being there. I don't want to saved this time. I'm ending this. I love you. I hope you have a great life. I hope you get to marry the girl you love. She's so lucky to have you. Tell her, I love her too.

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Letter #7

Dear Sunakshi di, Aditi, Adeeba, Ayushi, Laddoo and Nida,

I miss talking to you guys but I don't really come forward and talk to you because I really cannot and I don't know what to say anymore. You guys have always been there to support me. You all are such strong women. I cannot thank you all enough. I think you'd understand why I did this. I love you guys. Hope you all have great lives.

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Letter #8

Dear Minhaz,

I didn't think we'd turn into such good friends. Well I really hope you did think of me as a good friend and you weren't using me. It felt good to know that someone cared. Miss me, Minhaj. Miss me. You're an awesome person. Stay that way. I guess you and others from the class now know the reason that has kept me sad. And why I didn't care about what my brother did. Good luck for the upcoming exams. Love ya and others.

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Letter #9

Dear Sir,

You know who you are and that's why I'm not mentioning your name. I'm not sure if you'd like it or not and that's why I'm not mentioning it here. It's always been great talking to you. I love how we could talk for hours about anything and everything. From college rantings to pursuing our dreams. I never told you about my problems but you somehow managed to drift my mind and also showed me the right path. I guess I am not going to be a writer and you won't be clicking my picture since I'm ending my journey before even starting it. I have respected you a lot. You are a great person and only a few people realize that. I hope you get live your dreams. Please take care of yourself.

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Letter #10

Dear Jesse,

Ah dude, we just started talking again this is how it is ending. Damn, we couldn't even skype. I know you have a hard life too. I hope it becomes a little easier. I really don't have a lot to say. We kind of have similar views on life and other things. I'm glad to meet and know someone like you before dying. You are the last person to make me feel so happy. Thanks for that. May be we'll meet in another life and do all the things that we planned to do in this life.  BYE AMERICAN BEST FRIEND. I LOVE YOU.

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Letter #11

Dear Abhishek dada,

Uh I screwed it up huh. I have been feeling terribly since the day I called out on you on my blog. You did know what he did to me and that's when you told me that you'd be my brother and protect me. I do respect you a lot and I love you a lot. I just screw it up sometimes. I wish we talked more. You are a great brother and an amazing kind human. I hope you become super successful in life. Thanks for making me happy dada. Wish I could meet you and have the "real" and good sibling experience. And like I promised you long ago, I would have bought you a watch.

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Letter #12

Dear Raed,

Don't frown or get pissed off because I wrote your letter last. Dude, I was trying to save the best for the last. I talk to you so much and it's still not enough for me. And wish you could just see how hard it is for me. One of the saddest thing in my life is that you don't understand me or life. I don't tell people anything about my anxiety or depression and bad life and they think I overreact. I tell you everything and you think just like them. I don't take depression as an excuse for my actions but you were supposed to understand. I know you will probably think that I overreacted and exaggerated this. And suicide is a terrible excuse for what my brother did to me. But it's not just that. You are supposed to know that DAMMIT! You were supposed to give me strength rather than calling me weak and coward. I won't be troubling you anymore. Yay Shgt is dying!

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Letter #13

Dear Everyone else,

Thank you so much if you have ever made me smile or have just stayed in my life while I was going through bad phase. Thanks a lot. Thanks for being there for me and supporting me. Thanks for making me feel loved. You all are great. I hope you guys get to see happy days. Forgive me for all the lame, pathetic stuffs I did. I love you guys a lot. I really do.

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P.S. I'm alive. I'm not dead. Sorry for giving you a minor  heart attack there. I started typing this out with an intention to post it on my blog as a suicide note. I was going to kill myself. I had a good opportunity since my parents were out of town and I was alone and my brother wasn't here either. I don't regret typing it out and posting it on my blog because it just made me feel a little better and hopefully I won't die tonight. I was definitely trying to kill myself by making deeper cuts on my skin. But none of them were deep enough to bleed me out. I'm also sorry for mentioning/not mentioning your names. Please don't try to help me by asking a social worker or psychiatrist to see/read this. Things will get better. I know that. If you know me in person then don't give me "I'm sorry, Shriti" look. Also try not to ever mention this at college or to anyone who hasn't read it yet.

Skin.

Too dark, too thick

Too rough, too soft,

Too short, too chubby,

Too curvy and too ugly.

"Don't change yourself, you're beautiful" you say,

Then you go behind my back and laugh at appearance with them.

"Don't let the world bring you down" you say,

Then you go dig a hole and push me into it.

How do I forget all those labels?

How do I forget being visibly invisible?

How do I get it out of my system?

You words go deeper than you think.

Who are you to tell me how to wear my skin?

It's not yours, It's mine;

And your words cut it open and make me bleed.

Why can't you simply understand?

All I wanna do is feel comfortable in my skin.

Why do people find it okay to make fun of overweight people? Why do you have to give them labels? Why can't you just freaking call them by their names? Why "fatso", "fatty", "plumpy", "hippo" and "elephant"? If I am not someone who tops in every exam, I am just an ugly fatso according to most of the people. This is not what I wanted. I'm typing this out for the third time on my blog. You know I wanted to be this smart confident person but certain things bring me down and pull me back into the hopelessly exhausting bitter aura. How do you see the light when you are blinded by the darkness? I cannot feel comfortable in my own skin because people make it impossible to feel so.. 

Do I call you a match stick for being too thin? Do I make fun of you for being a guy with a really high pitched voice? Do I say things and make you feel ugly or unwanted? Do I make a comment about the dark color of your skin or the huge forehead that makes you look bald? Do I say anything about your height or acnes that you have on your face. To be honest I have honestly never seen an overweight person to make fun of someone else's physical appearance. Well at least I haven't done that and I won't ever do that. Because I am far better than that. I don't ever focus on what someone is wearing, what their hair looks like or what they look like? 

My life will honestly get 10 times better if people stopped calling me fat. I HAVE A BLOODY NAME. Why can you call me by name? I know that people from my college read my blog too but I wish my classmates and people I call my "friends" could read this as well. I'm sick of it. It makes me think too much and all that runs in my mind is the names that you give me. It makes me feel so weak, so pathetic and so worthless that it makes me want to die. I cannot forgive or forget anymore. I almost cried when I typed it out. I just want to disappear and I don't want to see anyone ever again. I feel helpless. And nothing can make me feel better.

You're the one who killed me.

Don’t you dare talk to me,
Don’t you dare shout at me,
Don’t you dare touch me again.
Once again, after all this time..
Don’t you dare make me feel worthless,
Don’t you dare act like you’re a superior being.
I wanna slit open my wrist,
And write on the walls of your room with my dripping blood
till I lose my consciousness.
Write about what a terrible person you are,
And how I've died a thousand before
Just because of the way you’ve treated me.
Mention all the names you've given me,
Mention how you undressed me with your obnoxious eyes,
Mention how you invaded and ruined my life 
with your vile intention when I was busy dreaming..
Just so the world can know,
I didn't kill myself,
You’re the one who killed me.

Mother, Father..

Oh, hey there father,

And hello mother.

Sorry to show up so late at night,

But I heard you two had another fight?

Well, it's nothing new,

You have done that before too.

You two are pretty good at bouncing back to "normal" though,

But let's not forget that it's been more than twenty years now.

Well, dear father,

Do you know where's your daughter?

And dear mother,

Didn't you know she has been painting her skin red with that razor?

Why didn't you try to know?

Can't you see she has been feeling low?

When will this end?

She doesn't even have a friend.

You wanted her to live life, the way you wanted,

Thanks to you she has always been taken for granted.

But it's okay, you can carry on your fight,

She is strong and hopefully she won't kill herself tonight.

I don't know where to start from. Life is so weird. Life is dominating. You have to keep your ego aside and do what life wants you to do. Things change, people leave and memories fade away. There's no doubt that I'm stressed and depressed and no matter how much I try to hide, it's still there on my face. I don't know why I want almost everything perfect. I don't know why I fear failure so much. I don't know why I love my parents so much. I don't know why I step back from doing things that I want to just because it'll hurt my parents.

I'm 20 now, why can't I make my own decisions? Why do I need to think about them? I want to break free. I'm so different from my parents. It makes me wonder if I was adopted or something. It's not the first time that these kind of thoughts are crossing my mind. I wonder if I'll ever be happy. I hope it's not too late by then.

I'm in my 3rd year of engineering and have I really enjoyed my college life or did something really crazy or something that's worth remembering? No, I haven't yet. I hope, I do soon.

If I'm not going to live my dreams then I want to live at least one day on my own.. like I really really want to be happy without being worried about anything. No phone calls, no texts, no rush of going back home. Nothing. Just me and the things I want to enjoy.

Well if you're going to continue reading this post then I'm really sorry, this will get random and really long. I haven't talked to a lot of my close friends in a while. I tried to talk to some but they don't even have time to reply. May be they have more important things to do. I'm constantly being ignored by the people I care about the most. People say, never be in a friendship(or any other kind of relationship) that hurts and that makes you feel bad about yourself. But what do you do when it's the friendship that also gives you the strength to fight against the odds? I was in one such dilemma for a long time and I chose the friend, I chose our friendship.

I kind of realized that I do make a couple of people happy even though they live miles away from where I live. Well I'm not sure if I do because they could be just saying it but I still hope that I do and they really mean it when they say it.. I fall in love with words, pictures, things and people easily but I also hate them and that's probably my biggest issue.

I'm not a good looking person. Of course I do look good in my "selfies" but trust me you would hate me if you saw me in person. Now, that pretty much gives you the idea that I hate my appearance. Yes, I do. I have hated it since I was 10 but I started hating it more after I turned 16, when one of my "best friends" was too ashamed to host the Teachers' day event with me. You know, it doesn't matter what the entire world thinks about you but it matters when your friend or parents are ashamed of your appearance or call you "fat" or give you any other kind of names. It's been almost 4 years but that thing still stings. Aparently, that thing never stopped. I forgave them. School ended. Best friends left. We are now in college and we have new friends but even these friends do the same thing. It kind of sucks more when unexpected people/friends do so but you really can't react or tell them that you felt bad because they are not wrong. You are ugly, you are fat and you are insecure.

If you're fat, people will definitely pass a comment on you while you eat.

"Stop eating fatty, you'll explode"

"Hey fatty, don't eat the whole thing, leave something for other people"

"I think the entire cafeteria's food will be less for you"

It's basically like, if you're fat and you're eating in public, it's a sin.. well not just that actually, 'cause even if you don't eat, people will say something again-

"Are you on diet or something? If yes then it's good. You should lose some weight and may be then someone will love you"

And when you react to such comment by leaving or staying quiet or frowning.. the reaction you will get is,

"Hey, don't get mad. I even call my sister 'fat' and she is not fat actually. I call everyone 'fat'"

"Don't be mad at me, please? I consider you a very good friend that's why I mess around with you.."

There was a time when I was so overly depressed with these comments that I started skipping my meals and also my favorite food for months. I don't remember. I still get these comments more than once in my day.. It sucks when "fatty" or "fatso" becomes your new name. I try to overlook and forget it but I can't completely. I do want it to affect me sometimes so that I start skipping meals again.

I know a lot of people will read this. Even people from my college but not my friends and no one will ever know how it feels. How much it makes me hate myself more.

I think, I sort of started liking myself a bit when I met this guy in a public bus who liked me the way I was. I haven't seen him in a while. It's been more than a month. I don't want to befriend him or maybe I do but he seems like a buttonhead jerk to me so nah. But I do miss seeing him. 

I actually wanted to write about a lot of other things but now it's just something that idek.

Imagine

Imagine being called "guilty"

for the things you've never done.

Imagine being prisioned and haunted

by the voices inside your head and the four walls.

Imagine the society and media shaming you

for something that never happened

and is not a single bit true.

Imagine having a life

where you feel like being dead is better.

She did what they wanted her to do.

They asked her to let it all out. "All the feelings that hurt you, all the thoughts that make you miserable, just say it and throw them away.." She wiped her tears and said in a whimpering tone, "Alright, I will.."

She took their advice because she wanted to get better. She did what they said. But, it was hard for them too. Too see so much pain and thoughts trapped inside her. Everyday, it was a new story, a new kind of bad day which never seemed to end for her or them. But more than getting sad, they were getting tired of seeing her like that. Hating herself, skipping meals, self harming, crying herself to sleep and trying to kill herself. 

One day they couldn't take it. They wanted her to stop speaking of death. They said, "You are hurting us. It hurts to see you like this. Please don't do this. And you know what? People have it much worse. But they don't want to die. They don't speak of dying. Goddamn! JUST APPRECIATE YOUR LIFE! NOBODY LOVES A SAD PERSON, DON'T YOU GET IT?"  

She sat numb there, staring at nothing. She knew that nobody loves a sad person, they didn't have to throw it at her like that.. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.. yeah, you're right. I should probably go now.." she said with a broken smile and went to her room. 

Next morning, everything was different for them. She seemed better, she was smiling and although she was talking a lot about the normal things and normal life like normal people but she was quieter than ever. 

Her thoughts are like tangled wires that block her throat. She started to keep everything to herself because it's what they wanted.  They think that she is fine and better than before but only she knows that she is not fine. Those thoughts and feeling still haunt her and something still 'causes the pain but she tries to smile it away. Someday, these feelings and thoughts will explode and consume her and it will be too late to save her. Who will they blame then?

Someday the society will change.

They say, 
"Keep it to yourself,

And Hide,

Because what you see, 

And the way you see it,

is a travesty."

They say,
"Seal your lips,

Don't utter a word,

Because every word of yours

Will start a rebellion and that too,

Against you!"

They say,
"Keep faking a smile,

Don't let the frown show up on your face,

Because you're messed up,

You're a different being,

But you've to do everything to fit in."

Your virgin eyes and ears,

Have been through everything they could,

But how much a person can take,

And ignore the remarks they make?

Keep hoping, keeping wishing

Someday your misery will end,

Someday the society will change,

Accept everything that they find evil and strange.
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It was getting bad again..

And finally when she felt like the past wouldn't chase her down, every single thing started reminding her of the past. It was more like the past started repeating itself. It was getting bad again. She came out of her classroom. She was the only one left inside. All of her classmates were gone. She searched her cellphone in her bag and walked down the stairs. 

It was a really good weather. It was thundering and in no time, it started drizzling. She felt lost in her own college campus. People staring at her made her heart sink. The bad phase was about to begin again. She liked the rain. She thinks rain is sad and beautiful. The sky was crying. It knew, she had to go through it all over again..

Just another day of her life.

"I'm alright.. It's just because of less sleep", she said convincingly looking down at the people enjoying and laughing with their friends. She had stopped smiling, stopped talking and even stopped looking at people's face if they tried to talk to her. She is lost in a cold world.

He didn't know what else to say? And it wasn't the first time that she left someone speechless. He still stood next to her looking at those people with her. She looked calm while a hundred of things were going inside her head. 

He hesitantly asked, "So umm, where are the other two friends of yours with whom you hang out usually?" 

"I don't hang out with them anymore", She said, abruptly.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I dunno.. I.. I realized where I stand in their lives" She said  giving a crooked smile.

He was a little perplexed with that answer. He was about to ask her what exactly happened when his friend walked over, frowning about the next class. 

She chuckled looking at his friend, just to seem normal. She talked to both of them about the classes and the assignments and all other work loads. They all talked till the bell  went off. And they went to their classrooms for the next three classes. 

It was becoming like a everyday thing to her. She gets up in the morning, gets ready for the college, goes to college, hates people, attends class, tries to do everything perfectly, get questioned for being alone, attends more classes and comes back home. She was mysterious. She didn't have true answers to the questions, "How are you?" or "What's wrong?"  because she knew that people wouldn't understand.

She is suicidal. She wants to die. But if you ask her how she is and how everything is in her life. She'll say that she is alright and everything is fine. You can't believe her just like that. When a person "really" wants to die, they won't let you know before doing it 'cause they know that you will try to save them.

Misery or just reality?

Something has hit me again,

I still have to figure out what is it,

Misery or just reality.

What was I thinking? 

Where was I standing?

Where am I now?

Plan was to take it slow,

And just go with the flow.

It's insanely foolish to think, 

that our lives will coax.

The one who really cared,

 Has passed away.

Is it bad,
To miss the ones who are dead?
I'm sorry, my intention is not to  make you feel low.
Right now, I just  want to lay here and miss your "new year" show.

Things.

There are things,

You'll never find out.

-My feelings, my thoughts,

Why I keep saying, "I've been through lots.."

There are things,

I'll never care about.

-Your race, your religion,

Your thoughts, your action. 

There are things,

You'll always dare.

-"Forget the pain, live like others,

Overlook the past and leave everything behind that bothers.."

There are things,

That I'll never share.

-My fears, my scariest secrets;

And the one who are the real culprits.

There are things,

You may find annoying.

-My action, my cry,

Me not being cheery, me wanting to die.

There are things,

I may be questioning.

-The society, my existence; My differences

And me not being able to find any resemblance.

There are things,

That you may find hilarious.

-My tears, my thinking,

My words, my writing.

There are things

That I may fake like an actress.

-Hide all the fears on the screen;

Make it all blurry, make it all unseen.

There are things,

You may never notice.

Bottled up feelings, all inside me,

I can barely show you what I see.

There are things,

That make me anxious.

-What they think, what they say,

"I hope it's good", I always pray.

There are things,

You don't find true.

And, most probably it's all about someone;

Don't be so harsh 'cause of an assumption, you'll regret & cry later on their coffin.

There are things,

I really hope I do.

-Not wait for tomorrow, finish it all tonight,

Get away from this fancy world, get away from your sight.

And, once again, it's Choco's blah blah.

"..Life is a gift. All you need to do is open the box..." 

Sometime's life isn't a gift, you know? Especially if you're inside the box. At that time, you're the gift that's been given to the world. If people liked you. They'll use you till they get bored or you get broken. If they didn't like you, you'd get broken or thrown in a corner or dustbin anyways.

Few people want to be inside the box not being aware of what actually happens. Truth is bitter and sometimes ugly. You cannot run away from it. 

Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage?

Love is one of the greatest feelings. Or may be it is the greatest feeling. Everyone has their own definition of love. I have my own definition too. Love can be good, Love can be bad. Love can give you solace, Love can give you pain. Love can also make you want to kill yourself but then that's called quitting. Love is not a quitter. Love is stronger. Love is fighting reality. Love is you fighting for everything.

It is love when you get attached to someone. You cannot deny that fact. And, to make that attachment stronger, you get married. Getting married is probably one of the biggest things that happens to a person. Well, then why are we not allowed to take our own decision? Why are people in our society so stuck up?

In India, when two people get married, it's like "they also get married to each other's family"  But the question is why do our family don't let us to marry our own choices? Getting married to someone you already know from a while or a long while is always better than to marry a complete stranger. A stranger who is a stranger even to our parents.

Our parents have given birth to us. But does it mean we owe them all our life's decisions? I know that every parent only wants the good to happen to their son or daughter. But sometimes, parents don't understand us. All our lives, we do what our parents want us to do so why can't we take at least one decision on our own? If parents really think and know that they have brought up their kids nicely and their kids can never do anything wrong then why do they doubt our choices?

There are too many good things about love marriage. Like, people actually become responsible. And, if anything goes wrong in their married life, they at least wouldn't blame or hate their parents for the rest of their lives. And, we cannot forget that it diminishes the caste or religious differences. Then why is love marriage considered a crime? Love is not illegal. Why do our society kill the lovers who are in a way uniting the fragmented society.

My cousin brother married the love of his life. And so did my cousin sister. And their life's going pretty great. Though, my cousin sister's family had to go through a few embarrassing moments but actually they were not really embarrassing, it was just the society who were gossiping and laughing. 

I remember my Uncle's sad face. I also remember, "my parents" and other relatives laughing at them. A few relatives didn't even come to attend the wedding. My uncle and his family used to laugh at others because of this love marriage thing and today the society is laughing at them. Today it's them, tomorrow it can be you.

The society is just messed up. If two people are happy with each other then what's wrong with it? Why is love marriage considered as ruining your own family status? What if tomorrow your son or daughter tells you that they love someone and they want to marry them? Kill them, hit them, or make them marry your choice? You'll only lose them forever. 

If you make them marry your choice then there's no surety that they'll be happy in their marriage life. No one will be happy. Not your son/daughter or their love or your in-laws. And in case of girls, how will you know if your daughter is safe with the family you have chosen? 

To those whose parents had an arranged marriage, you know it was hard for them. You must have seen that in your own house. Domestic violence. What do you think is the most common reason behind it? The differences. I know things get better and to most of the people it did get better. But you just can't ignore the past.

I know, love marriage often fails and the reason is of course less understanding. And sometimes the reasons are in-laws too. In most cases, they are in-laws. Sometimes the girls do face some problem in adjusting with their new family. 

It can be fixed, you know? Like before getting married, family members can spend some time(like a couple of weeks or months) with their son/daughter's love. Just see how do they treat you and everyone else in the family. Let your son/daughter see or understand the lifestyle. 

Just because society is going to insult you or laugh at you, it doesn't mean you'll ruin your child's happiness. At the end of the day, marriage should be important. Doesn't matter if it's arranged or love. But I would still favor love marriage.

I wonder how would my parents react if I fell in love with someone and we both wanted to marry each other. Mum keeps telling me that if I did anything like what my cousins had already done, it'd kill my dad. On the other hand, mum has also told me how my dad keeps dreaming about my brother's marriage and how he won't mind if he decides to marry his own love/choice. Then why such restrictions for me? I hope they change their thoughts. There's nothing bad about love.


P.S. This is my post for the "Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage" contest organised by Sony Entertainment Television and Indiblogger.