5 seconds of insanity

I never thought of talking to him before until one day when my friends made me add him on facebook. You can call it 5 seconds of insanity that I went on his profile and clicked on "Add friend" and the fear crawled up with thousands of "what if" questions. I canceled the request. In no time, I got a friend request. It was him. I accepted the friend request and logged out. I couldn't stop thinking about what I just did. 

30 minutes later, it was 1:20 AM now, I decided to login again. I had a message notification and it was from him but he wasn't online.

"Hi"
"Hi! Sorry, my internet stopped working."

About a minute later, he was online again.

"That's okay. It's good to finally talk to you." 
Jesus Christ! I'm finally talking to him. "Ah, same here.", I replied.

"How come you messaged me today?"
Gah, how do I tell him that I added him but freaked out? "Actually, You were on the suggestion lists on my FB sidebar. We have mutual friends so I wanted to click on the mutual friends list but I accidentally clicked on 'Add friend' and then freaked out thinking maybe you wouldn't like it so I cancelled it."

"Oh. And I thought that you searched for my profile and then added me but I guess I wrong.. This was accidental.. :("
"No, no. I just.. I didn't know your real name. Everyone calls you by your nickname. If I knew your real name, I would have added you..", I lied.

"Ah so you recognized me by my face.. my profile picture?"
"Yes."

"Like, 'Ah he looks like an idiot. It must be him.'"
"Omg, no."

"Aahahaha, I'm kidding. Why were you so scared in the first place? Why wouldn't I like it if you added me? Thank God, I was messing with my phone and was logged in or else I would have missed this chance"
"Haha, I'm glad too. :)"

"I'm so happy to talk to you. I've always wanted to talk to you. I tried several times but couldn't pick up the courage."  
Ehhh. Is this really happening? "I've always wanted to talk to you as well, but most of the times you looked angry and I thought maybe you don't like me and that's why I freaked out and canceled the request."

"Even if I looked angry, I wasn't angry at you.. and why would I dislike you? You're so sweet and beautiful. I really like you."
I couldn't stop smiling. I replied, "I like you too. :) :)"

We stayed up the entire night and talked. It was the best night of 2015. Everything changed after that night.

Being gay is not a choice.

You know, I've known and met more gay/lesbian/bisexual/queer/transsexual people. Not in person but online. Many of them are my really good friends. And I know you would say that knowing someone from the internet is a complete different thing. To you, may be it is a different thing but to me it's not.

I was 16 when I came across the word "gay" and actually understand it. There was this guy. He was of 15. We met on this site name "myYearbook"(The site has been shut down) and we became friends after a couple of days. I told him about me and my secrets and he did the same. His biggest secret was that he was bisexual. I've known that person for 3 years now. We have a great time together. My mum knows about him. He is one of the closest friends. And he is amazing. 

He lives in a country where they don't accept gay people. Just like India. He hasn't told his family or friends yet because he is scared and he thinks of killing himself. But I don't let him too. I don't hate him. I love him because he is a wonderful person and believe it or not he has saved my life a lot of times. I bet there are more people like him in India too. It's sad that people think that homosexuality is a disease. It's freaking not. 

Do you have any idea with what they go through? Their thoughts, their fear of coming out to everyone, their feelings of dying, consequences after coming out and everything. Why do you forget that they are human too. Why bully them? Why hate them just because they are bisexual/gay/lesbian/queer/transsexual. 

I remember my mum and I were watching TV. And there was something about gay people I guess it was a episode of "My big decision or something" My mum was saying mean things about transsexual and gay people. Because she didn't know it. And I told her that what she is saying is pointless and mean and it's not their fault. Being gay is not a choice. And transsexual people are those people who never feel right about themselves as in, they feel like they're in wrong body. After explaining her everything. She was quiet and I was proud.

Does anyone remember Harish Iyer from Satyamev Jayate's episode of child sexual abuse? He visited my blog and read my blog post where I mentioned about getting sexually abused. He even offered me help which I denied for own personal reasons. He was so nice that he gave me his number. He is gay, right? He could have ignored me just because I am straight. Like some of you people ignore/hate/disown them just because they're homosexual/Transsexual. But he didn't do it.

The point behind telling you about my stories is that I don't want you to say that I am talking "crap" and I know "nothing". I've met them. I've talked to them. And I don't see any difference. It's not their fault that they are attracted to people of similar sex. They are created that way. They can never be attracted towards someone of opposite sex. By beating them up, disowning them, you cannot make them straight. They won't freaking rape you. They understand that you're straight and they always know that you won't fall in love with them or be attracted towards you. So why can't you just accept who they are?

I've been called gay/bisexual/lesbian. I freaking don't mind it because I don't find it offensive. Not even a single bit. But you button head people out there, stop calling everything and everyone "gay" just because they are bad/lame. If it's bad then say it's bad. If it's lame, just say that it's lame. Some guys marry guys. Some girls marry girls. Get over it.

I guess the basic reason why our society is so messed is the movies. They present it in wrong way most of the times. They do not dress in a girl way or talk like that. Real life is nothing like movies. But I am glad that it's changing a bit. Like this show "Suvreen Guggal: Topper of the year" There is this guy "Zorro". Ever tried to observe his character? That's what reality is. They are scared and broken. Their family disowns them. But they're still happy with their friends and they do anything for them. They may have a crush on you but they won't harm you or rape you because of sexual frustration.

Homophobia is not a fear. You are just an ignorant moron. Try watching documentaries and stuffs about coming out, accepting themselves and transsexualism. It will help you understand them better.

To do the least, don't hate your own brother, your own sister, your own son and daughter, and your own friends just because they came out to you. They are nothing different. They are the same person you've always known. I am really glad that there are people like Josh Hutcherson, Daniel Redcliffe, Anne Hathway and Zayn Malik and others.

I wish we had people like them in India too.

I support LGBTQ rights. And I am proud of it. If you're someone who is Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer, please know that I am here for you. And I support you. Be proud of who you are. 

If you need anymore help, please check out this "List" of NGOs and contact details. There are different NGOs working in India for LGBTQ rights. 

The "Trikone" foundation is one such organisation. Trikone is a registered 501(c)(3) non-profit organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people of South Asian descent. Founded in 1986 in the San Francisco Bay Area, Trikone is the first group of its kind in the world.

You can also contact "Mr. Harish Iyer". He has counselled several young men and women and help them 'come out' and deal with their sexual orientation in a healthy way.

Stay Strong. It's time for them to change.

I do not support gay marriage. I support marriage. And marriage is a union of two people who love each other. Stop bullying them. You will end up killing them.

"This post was written for 'iDiya' contest hosted by 'Indiblogger'"

"I'm going to come back for you, though."

It was just another day for Sam Marquez as she made her way to the Montecito casino. She had been to her suite only at dawn, but hell, she was the best casino host in the world and workaholic was her middle name! 

She walked to the lobby only to stop half way ..

"Jeremy?" she said softly but the man her gaze stopped at looked back at her, grinning and walked up to her.

"Hi Sam" he said.

"Hi" she replied, looking dazed.

*A Year Ago*

"I felt... love," she says. "Every Christmas, every birthday, I sat by your bedside... you're my best friend... you're my only friend."

"Sam l-"

"No, let me finish, or I won't be able to get this out. You brought me here from Texas Jer. We were going to start a new life in Las Vegas together. I remember.

I visited you each time that I could. And I prayed for you to be fine... When you hit your head on the slot machine, they told me you were in a coma, that you might never wake up and  I , I, didn't know what to do..."

"But I'm fine now,Sam. I know it's been 20 years. Heck, I didn't believe it until the doctor told me. I am scared Sam." Jeremy said, stroking her hair, "I don't know what's going on around me. I barely recognized myself. But the doctor told me that a lady used to keep coming and I figured it'd be you. The nurse gave me your number and so here I am! Come with me Sam, let's go make a new life together. I love you"

She took a deep breath and with tears in her eyes said,  "I know Jeremy. But a few years from now, you might decide you want something more, someone better, someone who isn't me. And I can't have that. You have a lot to catch up on. You, you need to go see the world."
I'm going to come back for you, though."
"I'll be here," she said, kissing him.

.........

"I am here"

"You came back" she said, mostly to herself.

"Yes, I told you I'd be back Sam. I told you I'd be coming back for you" Jeremy said, kissing her forehead.

The one in white is Sam :')

Congratulations Shriti, 400 posts is such a brilliant achievement =D !

I wish you loads and loads beautiful, inspiring and wonderful posts.
You're an amazing, strong, really intelligent :D girl, and I wish you all the best of luck in everything (:

I haven't been writing since almost a month now, and I was wondering what I would, for this guest post when suddenly Las Vegas popped up on my TV screen and this is what I could manage. I hope you like it when you read it Shriti.
Much much much love and hugs
X
Blahblaholic 

[Disclaimer : The characters of this story are not my property. The comatose man meeting Sam really did happen (Season 4.14 : The Burning Bedouin). This is my spin off of what I would want there to be. The dialogues that are italicized are taken directly from the show. Sam's dialogue telling him to catch up on isn't 100% accurate, but as it isn't mine entirely, it is italicized too.]