As ridculous and crazy as it sounds

As ridiculous and crazy as it sounds,
I have a weird obsession with sadness.
Black is my color;
Scars are my sign;
Honest are my words,
and silly is my mind.

I don't know where was I going with these thoughts,
and subconsciously untying several knots.
Where am I?
My life is a lie.
What brought me here?
Maybe I am missing someone who is dear.
Who gave me this pen?
I wasn't so miserable back then.
My fate has been tossed,
and I think I'm lost.