You know what I need? I don't know what I need. May be I need to feel good about myself again. May be I need to be felt important. And no I don't want a person who knows just my name to tell me that I'm important and I matter. I need a person who has known me for months and years to tell me so. God, I hate sounding so vulnerable and needy every now and then. I can't feel anything. I don't feel happy. I don't feel loved. I don't feel sad. I don't know what I feel. I feel so ungrateful by not feeling blessed or happy when people on twitter try to make me feel better. I will try to get over this feeling soon. I promise.
5 comments:
I hope you feel better . I hope you get what you want.
An you are loved and you are important. But then again as u said, I am just someone who knows only ur name.
First of all, one must love oneself.
I think your stuck right now, kinda of like being stuck in limbo or a void. Your stuck in that place that is indescribable, that makes you think of everything and nothing, and makes you want to drive off into the night with no clear destination. And all I can tell you is to STOP, stop trying to get OVER what your feeling. Face it dead on, and even though you will never be able to understand it, you have to face it dead on. And once you face it, your not going to feel relief or happiness like alot of people say, your going to feel straight up pain and so much negative thoughts are gonna go through your head, but when your feeling that much pain you're going to have to make a choice, either numb off your feeling like normal and stay in limbo or live/stick through it. I'm going to tell you straight up, this isn't going to cure your depression. But for fuck sake it helps grab a hold back on to the wall, and when you regain your grip you gotta climb to where you want to be or fall make into limbo. I don't know if this makes any sense to you right now, and I feel like I'm writing you a whole book now =^P. But right now I'm currently holding onto the wall for dear life, and it not easy. When I read your posts it always stays with me and resounds with my own life scarily, which (despite my words to you last time) makes me want to at least try and help a little. As I've said before I can't be the one to save you, sorry, but at least I can try to help somehow.......
I've been there, sometimes after all that I have done and achieved, I STILL find myself there sometimes, so all I can say with absolute certainty is that it all gets better. You just need to hang in there. :)
Shane,
Yes, I'm stuck and it's indescribable. You're right. But I can't stop because it'll make things worse for me. I need to get over it in order to move forward. I can't remember what I felt earlier and how different I feel now. It's worse than before though. Like the entire world flipped upside down. But I'm okay. I'm dealing with the pain and depression and it's exhausting. I will hopefully get out of this phase successfully and feel more than okay. Hahaha, it's fine. Don't call it a book.(If you ever wrote a book, i'll definitely read it btw) :D I appreciate that you took out the time to read and comment on it... and God, it hurts to know that you can relate to my posts. I hope things get better for you and thank you for trying. I know,that you won't be able to save me, maybe no one can save me but myself. I'm sorry I took too long to reply to this.
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