Rest In Peace.

It's been 3 years since she passed away. There were so many unsaid things that were needed to be said. You hear a bad news about someone and your heart sinks. You keep praying and praying and wish everything goes right. You cry, you beg, you try to do every possible thing to at least see her one last time. Then, someone tells you that she's stable and recovering. You feel relieved. You do not beg anymore 'cause you start believing that she'll be alright and she'll be fine. Everything goes back to almost normal. And one night, it starts suffocating you. You start crying insanely, not knowing of what's happening or what's going to happen. Next morning, your other friends are making you laugh at the tution and then suddenly your Chemistry teacher tells you that your best friend is dead..

You start shaking. You call up people and let them know. You still wish it's just a rumor, a bad pathetic joke. You somehow mange to reach home. You tell your mother. You go and take shower and wonder why are you not crying.. You get ready to go to school. You reach school. You see people with sad faces. You see red eyes everywhere. September 18th, the principal comes over to address you all. He starts talking about your best friend and you get goosebumps. You fall right on your knees and start crying. You realize, she ain't coming back. She's dead. Your soul sister is dead. 

Goddammit. Am I supposed to cry right now? I don't know. I miss her. I have always missed her. I cry every time I tell someone about her. I was 15.. And the only person who cared so much about me was gone. Forever. You know, she was like a lucky charm to me. All of her wishes that she made for me came true. Everything got messed since then. Even the wish where she said, "If there's anyone who's going to die, it'll be me, not you.." You have know idea how does that feel like. It's sort of a guilt. If I hadn't told her about my stomach tumor thing, she wouldn't have said that. I have had dreams about her where she is smiling, standing on the front door, laughing and teasing me, asking me to meet her soon 'cause she wants to tell me something. A friend told me, when you see a dead person smiling in your dreams, it means that they are in better place. I hope that's true. I hope she is happy.